the roof flew

misplaced

topped up a bit of hair.

CNY 2009

2009 days

new place.

Redeem

bedsheets can really be a feature by itself.

we have new chairs for this new year.=)






Year 2009 was what I had been gazing at. In the past week, I was asked 2 questions that again brought me into the space where I ponder. "What is your endpoint in teaching?" , "Are you tired already?"..For someone who has not really worked in her life and relatively NEW to teaching, I think fatigue, being jaded and blah blah, should not even exist at this point, isn't it?

I had waited long for this job to finally start. Being in PJC was very much because people had believed in me. But I REALLY wonder "Is that all I had been waiting for?" I am not so sure anymore. Have I changed my mind? The song says we change our minds the way we change clothes. Mercy, I don't know why I am going through this coaster of thoughts that hardly does me any good. Yes I ply into myself these large amounts of questions each day and I get tired more easily than before. IT is so WEIRD. I feel that I am isolating myself from some things,as though building a protective shield so that I won't get hurt again. Yet the festival of new things serenade in such celebrative mode that I am just swirling in my own world.

After one month.

Christmas drama 08

Christmas - The Blue, Silver and Memories

21st Dec 2008 Christmas Party - THE GOOD NEWS

Dear's Birthday 17th Dec 2008

161208 Timbre and Us

me, maddy and joe - 3 pints of erdinger, kilkenny and my seafood platter.

Dear Anonymous,

Knowing you is like learning that I have lived my life wrong from the start. If more words are going to be contained here,I am afraid these words will cut us up into pieces like a ribbon.

Today I send you bright red for the festive season and new year.

From: Anonymous's

Dear Anonymous,

I have been thinking. Such preoccupations explain the nightmares I had the previous nights. Your last memory in my mind has not faded much and the raindrops did not yet, carry it away. Although I wish to see you soon, I know the misery like a friend. It lingers on. Far from beautiful, for many reasons, I could only catch sight of you in my thoughts. Where is the magnetic affinity we used to possess? Has it been inadvertently hidden under your pillow or beneath my tears? This separation was, or is, amicable. At least we choose to believe it so.

Those days of us were cloaked with uninhibited exchanges. Sometimes, you were the composer and I, the audience. Often, the roles were exchanged. There was a kind of nonchalance about you that was silly and endearing. Your idiosyncrasy could hardly be replaced. I am smiling when I write about this. I feel so teased by you. When I heard that song, I stammered a disengaged thanks in my breath. So I presume those words sung were a proof of your thoughts. Alas, they smashed hopes like crushing stones.

I don’t desire just a dream. You are perhaps, something wonderful to which my faith clings. But for now, I wish a kind hand will wipe my pain away. If one lifetime is not enough for two human beings to explore the cosmos between them, then it is so unfortunate that we had only one sunrise and dusk with us. It was those moments which had enveloped us. This feeling – allied with a great sense of regret, is enclosed within this letter.

I send you a tinge of quiet pink today to commemorate a silence. You have entered and disappeared into my life. And it could only be anonymous.

Signing off,
Anonymous’s friend

141208 Father's Birthday

Being a beautiful bride..

Honey in the Moon

Cebu, Philippines, 2nd to 7th Dec 2008

Once again, I was on Philippines land. This time, it was the honeymoon mood that takes over. No rush for things, or to be busy looking out for possible sites and materials. The honeymoon was needed to take my mind off many many things. It could make me burst into rapturous emotions, just being able to be away from Singapore, even for a little while. Shutter-happy was the usual, I could snap everything just to preserve these memories. And sleep dominated the beginning of the trip, perhaps we were too tired from the wedding and the body was crying out for some kind of rest. We figured it might be the bed in Maribago - the sleep-induced mattress. But it was funny how the bed creaked each time we lie on it.

Security was tight in every corner of Cebu, our Maribago resort was an enclosed one with tall gates and guards with shotguns and pistols were on-duty 24 7. It at least, made us feel saf-er. Eventually, we gave in to signing up for a day tour in Mactan city as there were not much we could do within the resort except to wine and make merry. So the day came when we went to the guitar and ukulele factories and saw a wide array of these instruments that were handmade by the people. I took delight in just filming them in a factory production line, handcrafting the guitars.
After which, we went through a little history about Mactan- Cebu –between Lapu Lapu and Magellan in the battle of Mactan in 1521. Like what tourists should do, we visited Lapu Lapu’s shrine. The rest of the days were filled with the spa that we promised to reward ourselves with, shopping and walking around before we packed up for the last 2 days at Cebu city where we booked into Crown Regency Hotel.

Upon reaching the city, to our dismay, the hotel was still U.C. (under construction), so you can imagine the lack of facilities and so on. But, the good thing was that it REALLY was right smacked in the centre of town. And we could from the map, worked out exactly where we wanted to go for the remaining 2 days. The big joy to me was when we walked all the way to the Carbon Market which is near Ermita. I love the colours and the life over there. Pushcart peddlers and fishmongers who travelled on foot, selling their ware. It was a fresh insight into life in the Philippines, although there was some similarity with the market I went to in Baguio last year.

With the shopping and photo-taking, the trip ended and we returned with satisfied hearts. Of course, the reality of married life will slowly unfold and there are moments which we can call a blast.

Ready

On the way to the wedding day, and finally packed a large bulk of my stuff. I am getting ready to plunge into a new beginning. It is so strange how everything I was once looking so forward to, has finally come. A new school to teach in, a new house to live in, with somebody. My heart can be pounding really hard at times, when I ask myself, “how can i?” How can I do all these things that are just an inch ahead of me? And how am I going to do them? I looked back with so much agony that I had gone through just to live the Singapore dream. My sweat, my tears and the encapsulation of my life experiences had actually brought me this far to begin a teaching career in pioneer jc as the only art teacher around. Hungry I can be, hungry for new things, yet hungry for a momentum which I won’t get tipped off balance. It is back to work in the seemingly real world again, the treachery of an overloaded timetable and the whole game of being acquainted with new colleagues again. The retreat last Sat showed me the grace of God. God had gone this far to prepare the ground for me. Soft and fertile, I know this is a springboard for me to jump once again. A teacher who can drop bits of life into other’ lives, and to be a missionary at this workplace. How I long to be in that position! Do what I am best in. That perhaps is beyond teaching. Could I ever?

I will run to you

Your eye is on the sparrow
And Your hand, it comforts me
From the ends of the Earth to the depth of my heart
Let Your mercy and strength be seen

You call me to Your purpose
As angels understand
For Your glory, may You draw all men
As Your love and grace demand

And I will run to You
To Your words of truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the spirit of God
Yes I will run the race
'Till I see Your face
Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace

Abandon

V1
For God my heart will sing
For God my heart will pray
For God my heart will glorify
Abandon my all

V2
For God my heart will praise
For God my heart will cry
For God my heart will magnify
Abandon to you

C
Abandon, oh abandon
Abandon to surrender
Abandon to my Lord Jesus
My all to you

Abandon, oh abandon
Abandon to surrender
Abandon to my Lord Jesus
My all to you

Lesson for the heart

It has been this long since I last felt a wrench in my heart. It was songs that moved me last night. heartfelt godly songs from my brothers, that of bleeding lyrics and desperate cries -- the irrepressible energy which could only be divine. I needed to be touched and comforted once again, for times had been of disappointment and humility when I have to put others before myself. The throwing away of the usual self-glorification to look at and look out for others. the self-importance that crowns me must go.

This is a lesson for the heart where tears become invisible, where speaking to God can be fearful, deliberated and too shy. But this is too, my cry in the darkest of nights. This loneliness, has bothered me. At any cost, I must give back my heart to God.
In my thoughts offered to God,
abandon became the key to unlock the locked floods of emotions:

Abandon

For God, my heart will sing.
For God, my heart will pray.
For God, my heart will glorify.
Abandon is my devotion.

For God, my heart will praise.
For God, my heart will cry.
For God, my heart will magnify.
Abandon is my conviction.

Chorus
Abandon oh abandon, abandon to surrender.
Abandon to my Lord Jesus
(to be contd)