finally.

perhaps in all this, God is my only recourse.
In the pockets of time I have, I choose to blog before all thoughts fade or subside into nothingness. It had been light-hearted and refreshing to go to cell group on fri and service today after whatever nonsensical and unnecessary had happened. Blogging has turned into a love-hate affair for me, with all the vile and bile floating mindlessly in cyberspace and having all eyes on the blog can be a yucky distasteful thought, but yet, in everyone of us, we do crave for little or much, attention from people in one way or another. There is a good read by sumiko tan today in the papers, “see no evil, blog no evil”. Apart from the cheesy title, it engages in the fact of how diaries which had a history of being secretive and personal has turned into a voluntarily opened, transparent, daily exhibitionist action and on how invidious hearsay and vicious gossip in the net can reflect one’s decency and decorum. Of course, following this article is chua mui hoong’s write on “I think, therefore I bulge” with her usual feministic and deadpan deliveries that send showers of comfort into one’s belly…sometimes I just like to immerse myself in reading and forget, for a moment, that I belong to and exist in a real, tangible world. This is one sparkling characteristic of a dreamer. Being escapist. I have learnt that blogging has transformed bloggers into personal columnists who can attract as much readership as a professional one. Perhaps, I have fulfilled my childhood inclination to be a columnist by blogging, but I am not sure, blogging continues to be an intriguing issue that can be worth contemplating and reflecting at times. I am feeling recharged and will restart my life from tomorrow onwards, with new resolutions for the days to come. No, I mean, new-day resolutions, not new-year resolutions, I am not so ahead of time. No matter how much I hate NIE, I have much to thank NIE for what I am today. I shan’t be a lonely dweller of the past anymore, it is ripping too much energy off me. For now, I am crystal-clear of the mental map in my mind, knowing every nook and cranny of where I should be going and what I should be doing. Trust me, even for once, life is too short to break down and wail, fighting back tears, swallowing your pride, creating facades of being alright, are ways that mould and refine our inner self. Even when you are impetuous, or despondent, even if you think that your whole life is but a bauble, circumventing the reality when it balks at you, is what I am learning to do. As God unfolds His love gifts, I am awaiting for Him to unfold a new pleasant chapter of my life with that little preciousness of the breath of heaven. God has broken through my defenses, and assured me that there is a union which subsists between my soul and the person of our Lord. Deep and broad is the channel of our communion, this is no narrow pipe through which a thread-like stream may wind its way, it is a channel of wondrous depth and breadth, along whose glorious length a ponderous volume of living water may roll its floods. Even on occasions when I tussle with the spiritual red tape, I know in the deep down inside, God is a God who lightens toil and softens sorrow; and over earthly gladness, He sheds a sanctifying radiance.

I know there are 100 billion stars that are named and stitched by God in the whole wide sky, and I am called.
How amazing.

Been stumbling on readings on Scientology of late, I am becoming skeptical, hope they don’t open up a church here.