It has been ten months since I returned to church after a hiatus for a year and a half. By writing this, I seek on my knees, by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, to attest to the eternal goodness of Christ in my life.
Physically returning to church did not thrust me into a life of walking right with Him, for that initial few months, I have to own up that I was still a foot in the wilderness and battling to reach that divine overhaul of life altogether. Back then, I had conceived in my insolent mind that I could never be able to back on fire for Him again. I felt unloved and judged as I had fallen and was beyond redemption. I was insatiably searching for an identity and not acknowledging that Christ still resides in me, neither was I taking pride in my identity in Christ when my life was still caught in the tempest of displeasures and soiled with many worldly concerns. Simply, I was still engulfed in the cycle of defeat when victory has already been won. It was laborious to pick myself up again if I had not tapped on His empowerment.
From being unwilling to surrender worldly achievements, self-rationalization, writing poignant poems, reading books of secular value, having hang-ups about serving in church, detached from the family of Christ, His everlasting love transformed to who I am today. I am propelled by this love to press on once again like never before to abide by His words, that only gives me perfect guidance in life. It is from the mission trip to Bogor, Indonesia, in June that magnified once again, my outlook of life with God’s perspective. And from then on, I have been clothed with the habitation which is from heaven exceedingly. I knew and felt once again a new creation where the old has gone, the new has come. (ref: 2 Corinthians 5:17)
The mission trip to Indonesia with the Youths and some Young Adults privileged me to witness the children God desired, and is a yardstick to me on how to be part of a royal priesthood and holy nation for His kingdom. I saw the rich faith in my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ there that burns and cries out passionately for God, their hearts of servanthood in unconditional humility, being disciplined and obedient; how they can against flesh, consider it pure joy despite poor living conditions, acute religious warring, testings of faith and countless adversaries. I saw the spiritual and physical healings done by His hands on His people and the wholesome love of being a part of the family He has ordained. God expands my horizons as He proves to me how He can inconceivably make all things possible. There was so much that I have learnt from that blessed land and am appreciative that I was bursting with sharings for my spiritual family here when I returned. I felt hope renewed and was determined single-mindedly to love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my strength. I knew at once, how far the resurrection of Christ can bring me if only I earnestly seek after the heart of God as His chosen people. At the same time, I am indebted to Him for the love embellished on me by my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ in Bogor, and that by His purpose; I was able to reflect His glory and bless them in return. I indefatigably persevered in this seeking in the church camp at Seremban, and through prayers and petitions it was soon obvious that I was all set to move with this church I love, to soar on His wings as long as the heart was willing.
Coming back from the church camp, the series of events that followed - the changing of cell groups, a recent prophecy that tells of my ability to offer spiritual gifts and talents to the church, and now, the restructuring of the Young Adults Ministry, illuminated me further on His destiny for me. My brothers and sisters, our unbiased God has truly brought this seeking of my heart to fruition and He will do the same for you too. I deny no more; yearn for nothing else but for more of His refining work in me. The heart has now softened and is open to His callings. When sin has once clouded my vision, He has cleansed me with His precious blood, making me pure inwardly so much that I am prepared to behold Him in full splendor on the day He returns with the candor of childlikeness.
“I love those who love me, And those who seek me diligently will find me.”
Proverbs 8:17 (New King James Version)
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