I just had my first observation 2006 today. Hmm, I am beginning to feel that
so often it might just be a contrived performance that I have carried out and
beginning to think that perhaps, I need to reconsider certain ways of planning,
plucking myself out from the situation and looking at it again yet with another
perspective. I don’t know, and I hope that God will tell me the answers very soon.
This tune resounds in my head, “I want to care for others like Jesus cares for me..”
and that is my reminder for the observation today. I want to care for my students in
a way they can feel and know it, because I do love them. But I am comforted that
everything was kept well in His Hands.
Had 3NC today for reading and art lessons (Karen is sick).
It was making my blood temperature raised when I couldn’t make them be still during
reading period and obviously it made me abit of emotionally upset at the beginning
of the observation but all was calmed down as I got into the groove of the lesson.
Ying guang from 3NC (my previous student from 3NB) had a “point finger”
argument with Shimin during art lessons. Thank God Mr Wong Kim Mun
walked past and he kind of stopped his nonsense.
I am pretty worn out after the many activities that consumed my energy today.
I have just finished looking at the documentation of 3E3 and had a hilarious time
looking at them. They are precious to me, each of them is a precious gem.
There are still many things waiting for me to do. I need some awakening.
Thank God for His sacrificial and steadfast love in this phase of my life.
Yes. I ask for nothing else,
But,To be lost in you again.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Floating in the air of love
I am beginning to think…like a sojourner.
I am beginning to miss… like you were once part of my life.
This week’s events:
Tue 21/2/06 I saw a shooting star in Bt Batok when I was praying out of the window. I gasped a whiff of breath. To be astounded by His loving hands to create a shooting star and allowing me to see it.
Wed 22/2/06 We had crabs at Mellben Seafood, a treat to dear louis for he is flying off back to Melbourne on Sat. James, and I, Sharon and Shirley tucked into a 100 dollar crabby meal.
Thur 23/2/06 Hongjie and I had Jack’s place for dinner, was a good time of catching up after one year.
Fri 24/2/06 CG was fantastic, my prayer is that we will not struggle with QT anymore, AMEN? If u love God, u love His word.
Sat 25/2/06 Had TAV AGM , and spoke at artists’ forum on “Art and Sharing”. The most ridiculous forum ever. My frustrations? Many. I am the new president of TAV 2006, just hoping against hope I will not be the worst President in history.
I love teaching, I love every of my students. Daily, their smiles diminish the fatigue I am having. They are His children. God loves them, may I be used as a life-changing agent in this school to teach them the truth that will set them free. On the day I stop learning, I stop teaching.
PS: I will not have much of time to update my blog for the weeks to come…but I am still
Loved like ever before.
I am beginning to miss… like you were once part of my life.
This week’s events:
Tue 21/2/06 I saw a shooting star in Bt Batok when I was praying out of the window. I gasped a whiff of breath. To be astounded by His loving hands to create a shooting star and allowing me to see it.
Wed 22/2/06 We had crabs at Mellben Seafood, a treat to dear louis for he is flying off back to Melbourne on Sat. James, and I, Sharon and Shirley tucked into a 100 dollar crabby meal.
Thur 23/2/06 Hongjie and I had Jack’s place for dinner, was a good time of catching up after one year.
Fri 24/2/06 CG was fantastic, my prayer is that we will not struggle with QT anymore, AMEN? If u love God, u love His word.
Sat 25/2/06 Had TAV AGM , and spoke at artists’ forum on “Art and Sharing”. The most ridiculous forum ever. My frustrations? Many. I am the new president of TAV 2006, just hoping against hope I will not be the worst President in history.
I love teaching, I love every of my students. Daily, their smiles diminish the fatigue I am having. They are His children. God loves them, may I be used as a life-changing agent in this school to teach them the truth that will set them free. On the day I stop learning, I stop teaching.
PS: I will not have much of time to update my blog for the weeks to come…but I am still
Loved like ever before.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
dreams are an indicator of the fecundity of the mind, and God's fascinating work in me
Hi, wondering what is this Island Moi Moi about? It was what I caught in my dream last night. I met two people on an expedition to this Island Moi Moi and they showed me this fascinating picture they took of this island. And of course, I drew a quick sketch of it from what I can remember from the remains of the dream, seemingly diluted now.. but.. hey, I am still as excited to be candid about it. The little islands that spread itself in two divergent ways from the looming cliff, each structure is in a cavity-like form that is 20m in height as described by one of the expeditors.
God knows I want to fly, to somewhere else. If this is heaven, I wouldn't mind. It is beautiful. There is no "island moi moi" in real life, but it is definitely very alive in my dreams. In that incorruptible ornament of gentle and quiet spirit of mine, I conceived a larger than life, a dream that is homongous.
Thanks to Him who gave me that limitless imagination.
God knows I want to fly, to somewhere else. If this is heaven, I wouldn't mind. It is beautiful. There is no "island moi moi" in real life, but it is definitely very alive in my dreams. In that incorruptible ornament of gentle and quiet spirit of mine, I conceived a larger than life, a dream that is homongous.
Thanks to Him who gave me that limitless imagination.
Friday, February 17, 2006
No one loves me like you do. Happy Valentine's Day.
Time withers, finally I have completed my ingenious performance art teaching toolkit after so long! I slept at 530 am last night just to bite it through clenching teeth to finish it up. May it win favor in the eyes of Cecily, and I can then budge on with other parts of my FYP. Alright, just to sneak in some time to run through the weeks’ thoughts.
Valentines’ Day is over, and quite unlike last year, I was not busy having a meeting for Fusion Strength over msn. I skipped school and stayed home to finish up some work before I popped over to Jonathan’s place to pick up a CD and to see his condition ( Mr PoXy!) and also to visit little Jon. After that I trolled around Bugis tackling some errands. The streets were unsurprisingly studded with couples and roses, and of course, the endless queues outside the unsuspecting restaurants brazenly lining the streets of Bugis. It is definitely a put-off to have to queue so long for a meal on Valentine’s but well, that is their kind of love which I shall not be skeptical about. I would rather step into an atmosphere suffused with God’s love. As I stand on the cusp of an uneasy past and a future that is exciting and awaiting, I know I have grown up so much.
The next day, I met buddy James for lunch at NTU Students’ Activity Center (my last week in NIE , I cannot explain why there is this little sense of sadness but life must go on, I suppose?) Inexpressible joys to spend time with a buddy, we shared, laughed and joked all the way till evening arrives for us to get to SPC for prayer and praise. My, it was a pretty long day on Wednesday, but I remembered I returned home pleased, and happy to have spent a meaningful time with this brother. Praise God for His peace that boils in the heart all the time.
Yesterday, I was at Studio 19 with Julie doing our performance. Great partnership and collaboration, I feel so geared up for the real thing on the 26-27Th Feb 2006 at Esplanade. God, please be the mediator and come to heal this rift between us =0) I am confident that it is in your Hands, being protected continually. All that I have are yours in the first place. And I truly want to be equaled to the task you have set for me right here, especially in using art for your sake. “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ" (Philippians 3:4-8).
This brings to mind brother Chin Ian’s sharing of prayer thoughts about us offering our artistic talents to the church. Indeed, it is not over flowingly used, and I pray that God will come to endow us with that true transformation spirit in our art so that we can unfailingly and consistently manifestit in our works of service to the church. It may not even necessarily be about redeeming the arts. Our artistic contributions must unveil windows for God’s love, grace and abundance to enter into the church. And I pray that such enthusiasm and excitement will not die prematurely too for I have experienced too much of such incidents to be now restraining myself from being too wound up.
Questions still hang in the air for the moment as though pending for an answer, and I must keep praying about it. I do not to suffer from those detestable chagrins anymore. Hopefully God-given possibilities can quickly scuttle into the mind soon. God will not leave us to grope for an answer, and I am certain His sovereign plan will be revealed soon. Covenants with God inextricably form the basis of human life and it is fundamentally essential to human endeavor. Though I have never designed any other covenant with God, my relationship with God ultimately still rests upon an underlying covenant. Only when this convenant is functioning healthily, only can I function. Nothing from me, everything from God. I am furnished with life and energy to perform what God wants me to do. As a dependant one, I need Him more than anything.
Was reading Stedman just now, the chapter is about Paul. Leave you with a paragraph from the book, it is totally consuming.
“Have you become a basket case yet? Have you reached that place which Jesus described as "blessed"? "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." To be "poor in spirit" is to be utterly bankrupt before some demand of life, and then discover it to be a blessing because it forced you to depend wholly upon the Lord at work in you. That is where you learn the truth of the new covenant, and nowhere else. We have much to learn yet about why it works, but you can only find out how it works when you discover it in your own experience”
Valentines’ Day is over, and quite unlike last year, I was not busy having a meeting for Fusion Strength over msn. I skipped school and stayed home to finish up some work before I popped over to Jonathan’s place to pick up a CD and to see his condition ( Mr PoXy!) and also to visit little Jon. After that I trolled around Bugis tackling some errands. The streets were unsurprisingly studded with couples and roses, and of course, the endless queues outside the unsuspecting restaurants brazenly lining the streets of Bugis. It is definitely a put-off to have to queue so long for a meal on Valentine’s but well, that is their kind of love which I shall not be skeptical about. I would rather step into an atmosphere suffused with God’s love. As I stand on the cusp of an uneasy past and a future that is exciting and awaiting, I know I have grown up so much.
The next day, I met buddy James for lunch at NTU Students’ Activity Center (my last week in NIE , I cannot explain why there is this little sense of sadness but life must go on, I suppose?) Inexpressible joys to spend time with a buddy, we shared, laughed and joked all the way till evening arrives for us to get to SPC for prayer and praise. My, it was a pretty long day on Wednesday, but I remembered I returned home pleased, and happy to have spent a meaningful time with this brother. Praise God for His peace that boils in the heart all the time.
Yesterday, I was at Studio 19 with Julie doing our performance. Great partnership and collaboration, I feel so geared up for the real thing on the 26-27Th Feb 2006 at Esplanade. God, please be the mediator and come to heal this rift between us =0) I am confident that it is in your Hands, being protected continually. All that I have are yours in the first place. And I truly want to be equaled to the task you have set for me right here, especially in using art for your sake. “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ" (Philippians 3:4-8).
This brings to mind brother Chin Ian’s sharing of prayer thoughts about us offering our artistic talents to the church. Indeed, it is not over flowingly used, and I pray that God will come to endow us with that true transformation spirit in our art so that we can unfailingly and consistently manifestit in our works of service to the church. It may not even necessarily be about redeeming the arts. Our artistic contributions must unveil windows for God’s love, grace and abundance to enter into the church. And I pray that such enthusiasm and excitement will not die prematurely too for I have experienced too much of such incidents to be now restraining myself from being too wound up.
Questions still hang in the air for the moment as though pending for an answer, and I must keep praying about it. I do not to suffer from those detestable chagrins anymore. Hopefully God-given possibilities can quickly scuttle into the mind soon. God will not leave us to grope for an answer, and I am certain His sovereign plan will be revealed soon. Covenants with God inextricably form the basis of human life and it is fundamentally essential to human endeavor. Though I have never designed any other covenant with God, my relationship with God ultimately still rests upon an underlying covenant. Only when this convenant is functioning healthily, only can I function. Nothing from me, everything from God. I am furnished with life and energy to perform what God wants me to do. As a dependant one, I need Him more than anything.
Was reading Stedman just now, the chapter is about Paul. Leave you with a paragraph from the book, it is totally consuming.
“Have you become a basket case yet? Have you reached that place which Jesus described as "blessed"? "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." To be "poor in spirit" is to be utterly bankrupt before some demand of life, and then discover it to be a blessing because it forced you to depend wholly upon the Lord at work in you. That is where you learn the truth of the new covenant, and nowhere else. We have much to learn yet about why it works, but you can only find out how it works when you discover it in your own experience”
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Phony Christianity? No way ! Live an authentic Christian life.
I am reading "Authentic Christianity" by Ray C. Stedman. Still at Chapter two, but my, there's just so much insight within.
Just to jot some thoughts down. When we glaze our lives as Christians with that superficiality and dishonesty, this glaze is the first thing to crack and crumble when life becomes irritating, difficult, or threatening. There are 5 unmistakable traits of authentic Christianity, here it goes:
1. Unquenchable optimism
In a spirit of thankfulness, even amid trial and difficulty, authenticity operates by a belief in God's grace, love, and ultimate control which one can see from the book of Acts. It is a far cry from hypocrisy and not about proclaiming, "Hallelujah, I've got cancer!"
It is grounded in reality in which hurt and pain is still felt.But it functions with a hope that in the end, it will bring all the happiness that is worth all much of heartache. The same God will bring the trials and the joys and therefore, we ought to be thankful in midest of sorrows, disppointments, and perplexity as well. And of course, Paul and Silas is a good example of how they literally sing songs of praise to God, even without any premonition that en earthquake is going to jar their chains loose and set them free in the city jail of Philippi. The heart of thanksgiving must be spiced up by a hope that is resting secured on His promises.
2. Unvarying success
A Christian life presents a pattern of unvarying success. It never involves failure but invariably achieves its goals. It involves unquestionably, struggle and hardships and tears. But our triumph is always assured. There is complete achievement even if there is opposition in the end.
The living letters of Paul were words written by a man who bore on his body the wounds of a servant of Jesus, one who found liverty even in captivity. He had endured much difficulty, endless disappointments, and bitter persecution with great pain. Yet he could write with rugged truthfulness that Jesus always leads us in triumph. always in that 'triumphal procession'.
The invariable mark is that there is never a failure. Our will, our dreams, our goals, our desires may be thwarted--but God's will and plan? He can even weave our seeming failures into His overall design for ultimate triumph. Every obstacle becomes an opportunity. Success is inevitable. While the strategem of Satan turns our lives upside down, the strategies of God are so powerful, compared with human plans and strategies, that He is able to turn man's most vicious opposition and turn it to His own advantage.
3. Unforgettable impact
God tells us that our lives should be spent giving off a fragrance, a perfume, a pleasing bouquet--not only to other people, but to God. Enlarging on this thought, Paul adds: "For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task?" (2 Corinthians 2:15-16).
There is something about authentic Christianity that leaves an unforgettable impression when it is encountered. No one ever came into contact with him and went away the same.
Authentic Christianity leaves a wisp of lingering fragrance to God of Jesus Christ. Phony Christianity is just a bad smell! "Old fishermen never die--they only smell that way." The same can be said for false Christianity. It never dies; it only stinks that way.
4.Unimpeachable integrity
2 Corinthians 2:14: "Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God."We cringe at the idea of 'selling the gospel", we must not using selling points like 'healing' to sell Christianity. We need to be convinced of what we have wholesomely believed in and 'peddle' not for our own personal gains but for His ultimate kingdom.
Sincerity, purpose, being transparent and taking on the authority of God add up to unimpeachable integrity. People of sincerity, purpose, transparency, and authority are trustworthy. Go ring a gold coin on their conscience, for they can be counted on to live through the trenches of everyday life.
5. Undeniable reality
Paul says to the church in Corinth, "You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts" (2 Corinthians 3:2-3).
In effect, he is saying, "You want letters of recommendation to prove I have authority as a messenger of God? Why, you yourselves are all the recommendation I need! Most truthfully, when we had been washed, sanctified, and justified by the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we are the walking, living proofs of changes and reality. There is no spiritual reality, no eternity when we have never encountered Him personally. All intellect and theological espuosals pale in comparision to one's personal meeting with Jesus.
Mere religion tries to imitate these marks, but is never quite able to pull it off. Phony Christianity pales and is a shoddy imitation that quickly folds when the real pressure slaps in. It is not being a Christian that generates Christian graces, but living as one. God has backed up His love by all these actions. There is a knowledge we must have and a choice we must make before these virtues will be consistently present. Let us not be religious frauds and refusing to experience the real thing. We must have a fresh grip on authentic Christianity today so that we can attract both God and people like flies are enticed by honey.
Just to jot some thoughts down. When we glaze our lives as Christians with that superficiality and dishonesty, this glaze is the first thing to crack and crumble when life becomes irritating, difficult, or threatening. There are 5 unmistakable traits of authentic Christianity, here it goes:
1. Unquenchable optimism
In a spirit of thankfulness, even amid trial and difficulty, authenticity operates by a belief in God's grace, love, and ultimate control which one can see from the book of Acts. It is a far cry from hypocrisy and not about proclaiming, "Hallelujah, I've got cancer!"
It is grounded in reality in which hurt and pain is still felt.But it functions with a hope that in the end, it will bring all the happiness that is worth all much of heartache. The same God will bring the trials and the joys and therefore, we ought to be thankful in midest of sorrows, disppointments, and perplexity as well. And of course, Paul and Silas is a good example of how they literally sing songs of praise to God, even without any premonition that en earthquake is going to jar their chains loose and set them free in the city jail of Philippi. The heart of thanksgiving must be spiced up by a hope that is resting secured on His promises.
2. Unvarying success
A Christian life presents a pattern of unvarying success. It never involves failure but invariably achieves its goals. It involves unquestionably, struggle and hardships and tears. But our triumph is always assured. There is complete achievement even if there is opposition in the end.
The living letters of Paul were words written by a man who bore on his body the wounds of a servant of Jesus, one who found liverty even in captivity. He had endured much difficulty, endless disappointments, and bitter persecution with great pain. Yet he could write with rugged truthfulness that Jesus always leads us in triumph. always in that 'triumphal procession'.
The invariable mark is that there is never a failure. Our will, our dreams, our goals, our desires may be thwarted--but God's will and plan? He can even weave our seeming failures into His overall design for ultimate triumph. Every obstacle becomes an opportunity. Success is inevitable. While the strategem of Satan turns our lives upside down, the strategies of God are so powerful, compared with human plans and strategies, that He is able to turn man's most vicious opposition and turn it to His own advantage.
3. Unforgettable impact
God tells us that our lives should be spent giving off a fragrance, a perfume, a pleasing bouquet--not only to other people, but to God. Enlarging on this thought, Paul adds: "For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task?" (2 Corinthians 2:15-16).
There is something about authentic Christianity that leaves an unforgettable impression when it is encountered. No one ever came into contact with him and went away the same.
Authentic Christianity leaves a wisp of lingering fragrance to God of Jesus Christ. Phony Christianity is just a bad smell! "Old fishermen never die--they only smell that way." The same can be said for false Christianity. It never dies; it only stinks that way.
4.Unimpeachable integrity
2 Corinthians 2:14: "Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God."We cringe at the idea of 'selling the gospel", we must not using selling points like 'healing' to sell Christianity. We need to be convinced of what we have wholesomely believed in and 'peddle' not for our own personal gains but for His ultimate kingdom.
Sincerity, purpose, being transparent and taking on the authority of God add up to unimpeachable integrity. People of sincerity, purpose, transparency, and authority are trustworthy. Go ring a gold coin on their conscience, for they can be counted on to live through the trenches of everyday life.
5. Undeniable reality
Paul says to the church in Corinth, "You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts" (2 Corinthians 3:2-3).
In effect, he is saying, "You want letters of recommendation to prove I have authority as a messenger of God? Why, you yourselves are all the recommendation I need! Most truthfully, when we had been washed, sanctified, and justified by the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we are the walking, living proofs of changes and reality. There is no spiritual reality, no eternity when we have never encountered Him personally. All intellect and theological espuosals pale in comparision to one's personal meeting with Jesus.
Mere religion tries to imitate these marks, but is never quite able to pull it off. Phony Christianity pales and is a shoddy imitation that quickly folds when the real pressure slaps in. It is not being a Christian that generates Christian graces, but living as one. God has backed up His love by all these actions. There is a knowledge we must have and a choice we must make before these virtues will be consistently present. Let us not be religious frauds and refusing to experience the real thing. We must have a fresh grip on authentic Christianity today so that we can attract both God and people like flies are enticed by honey.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
soaked in your love. i want more
And so. It is joanna’s wedding night at Hyatt Hotel. We all got our hair done at REDS , supremely bad place to have any hair done and it cost a bomb. I had enjoyed myself, being open to things and knowing new people, the act of mingling around. Thank God that shawn and I managed to host the wedding smoothly and eventually everything come to a rest afer all the busy preparations. I am really so tired out, I believe everyone is too. It is such a beautiful thing to be married and knowing that your close friends are all around to help out to support in you the most gracious way. Joanna is blessed by the hand of God. Happy to get to know Candy, she is the most straightforward person I have ever met. But hey, she is really unique, totally not conformed to typical way of thinking. I hope deep down inside, she is happy. for that is what is important afterall. How do we be intrepid warriors against the devious tides of life? Move against the grind of daily life with fearlessness, I take on your strength Lord in a city that doesn’t sleep, fighting away the ghosts of the past. At the end of much restlessness, to find rest in God’s compound. Oh, he is such a charmer that fends off ugly toads of living. Met caroline for lunch after service, I am thrilled that the conversation was blessed. To talk to a woman who lives for his glory only is a joy in life. Thank God for the courage and the honesty embedded in our words. Our hands are for your labor Jesus, our hands to pray and reach out to you, And Your Hand to wash off our sins, to remove flimsy memories that are etched in the finite mind of human beings. How great and awfully great it is.
When Joanna returns, everything will be back to its normalcy. And I am looking forward to what will be unveiled and what the appeal of things will be. Beam in your glory Lord against Man’s insatiable desires and stir in us that frenzy of lust for your mighty power. Part of human nature is an irrepressible enthusiasm and may that be for you alone. Thumbs up for the rise of your culture Yahweh. Make us have a habit of talking to you Father even in silent fellowship in this intimate communion. Hear the whispers of God's love,as we fit our ears to hear your voice. Nothing can replace you in our hearts.
Pastor Tiak preached on how to do great things through small groups today. My cg, I love every one of you, may we spur each other to grow as we advance towards the common vision. Not for ourselves anymore but the fascinating and you.
When Joanna returns, everything will be back to its normalcy. And I am looking forward to what will be unveiled and what the appeal of things will be. Beam in your glory Lord against Man’s insatiable desires and stir in us that frenzy of lust for your mighty power. Part of human nature is an irrepressible enthusiasm and may that be for you alone. Thumbs up for the rise of your culture Yahweh. Make us have a habit of talking to you Father even in silent fellowship in this intimate communion. Hear the whispers of God's love,as we fit our ears to hear your voice. Nothing can replace you in our hearts.
Pastor Tiak preached on how to do great things through small groups today. My cg, I love every one of you, may we spur each other to grow as we advance towards the common vision. Not for ourselves anymore but the fascinating and you.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
this is david . a very good friend I am blessed with since Sept 2005, finally made his appearance in my blog, I praise God for him, and no matter what happens, i really wish God will preserve this Friendship for us. WE LOVE YOU GOD, always and forever. God, you are the center of this beautiful friendship=) 
the sounds of silence.. magical
Im spending this little amount of time I have before I head for cg outing to blog. I find this urgent need to pen down these thoughts before I enter into another segment of the day, or the last activity perhaps of the week.
This week has flown past just like that with so many activities; the Chinese New Year is gone, slipped through the grasp of every one’s hand. I am feeling really tired. Been up doing work, and thinking. Late nights make my eyes very dry. Yes, in our confabulation, as li kai says, I think like a lot. The storm of thoughts that piled up in the head is always there. The fecundity of the human mind is awfully brilliant. I am constructed in this manner and by the grace of God, I am who I am today. Living in a crippled world, where celebrities do not grow old, but you do, is overwhelming for anyone.
In a few days’ time, Joanna will be back in Kaohshiung and I have to admit that like what she says I am pretty cold-blooded. The whole world did not stop for her, and I did not even attempt to, though I really tried. Sometimes, I wonder what I have been living for. I am not sure but I know I have let myself be pulled down by work that I lost a lot of what is in the original me. And every morning, will be a time I recharge, and I love mornings because they always straighten my thoughts somehow. I am thankful that I managed to pull through this week somehow. I have no space for another person in my life, so much that I reckon my life is just as good being alone. Selfishness? Yes, I think I am. And I demand too much of myself. But then again, I do not discount my love and concern for those around too. How much God is stretching me? Very much stretched. When I was consumed by so many problems in a specific time and space, that pressure is totally suffocating, yet I had pressed on and endured it anyhow. So much that I do not want to ground my life to reality, so much that I believe there is still something more. So much that my soul yearns to take flight.
The only thing that I somehow managed to complete this week is a comprehensive presentation of the brief history of performance art. I am in love with knowledge, I lust for it. I lust after thinking about it too. I have been reading, and I think I need to evaluate what I have been reading too. The profound content grips onto my soul so tightly sometimes, that it changes me as it insidiously shapes my mind. His perfect love drives out all fears. Fears must never have a place in my heart, understand? And yet there are regrets when I am bold. I am confused by myself, and yes, the heart is deceptive. I do not even know whether my train of thoughts has a destination at the end of the day. And I am not sure too, if I am on the right train, It is only when I spend time with God in my prayer closet that I can be leveled to completion, to an entirety. Oh God, I cry out to you now, come and heal my heart and make it as pure as before. Whatever is done, whatever has left blotches on the history of my life, may you wipe them off. I need you, only you. And no, I do not live a life as though you are created for me. I love you, you know it.
God, I am sorry that I have been impatient, that I acted on my desires. I will push those thoughts to the back of my mind, right now. I swear I will never work on that again. I am desperate to return to your warm hug where I can be secured. I never want to stray from your love. My dreams are yours.
The breakouts of emotions shall be forgotten and the wicked chantings of the brain shall stop in the mighty name of Jesus, signed off by His blood.
Ps: the musings about blogging, is very true.
I am continuing here from after cg. We had a relatively fun time at settlers. though the games can really be brain cracking. I wonder.. what is the attraction point of this little café? Is Singapore too boring to begin with? I reckon so. Joined Joanna and all in Continental Hotel, Bugis after cg. We played Taiwanese mahjong, I am really anointed, won 2 games, haha. Before Joanna, I can really let my hair down and enjoy time, like taking time off to smell the flowers. Candy was there too… all beauties, great for the eyes to feast =) tomorrow is the BIG DAY for Joanna, I am really going to cry, I am sure, hope everything goes happy and smooth. I love her so much, She is the best I have ever found, Thank God for her in my life =)..preparing for a wedding is so troublesome, yet sprinkled with tinges of joy ….i am really tired now.. but I still have stuff to do… the excitement just can’t end .. always yours, Joanna
In life, the sounds of silence are of the loudest, even between best friends, there are so much unspoken but felt. even between lovers, there are endless questionings and settlings. I pray God will cover us all in bed tonight. though i know we are all going to bed really late.
This week has flown past just like that with so many activities; the Chinese New Year is gone, slipped through the grasp of every one’s hand. I am feeling really tired. Been up doing work, and thinking. Late nights make my eyes very dry. Yes, in our confabulation, as li kai says, I think like a lot. The storm of thoughts that piled up in the head is always there. The fecundity of the human mind is awfully brilliant. I am constructed in this manner and by the grace of God, I am who I am today. Living in a crippled world, where celebrities do not grow old, but you do, is overwhelming for anyone.
In a few days’ time, Joanna will be back in Kaohshiung and I have to admit that like what she says I am pretty cold-blooded. The whole world did not stop for her, and I did not even attempt to, though I really tried. Sometimes, I wonder what I have been living for. I am not sure but I know I have let myself be pulled down by work that I lost a lot of what is in the original me. And every morning, will be a time I recharge, and I love mornings because they always straighten my thoughts somehow. I am thankful that I managed to pull through this week somehow. I have no space for another person in my life, so much that I reckon my life is just as good being alone. Selfishness? Yes, I think I am. And I demand too much of myself. But then again, I do not discount my love and concern for those around too. How much God is stretching me? Very much stretched. When I was consumed by so many problems in a specific time and space, that pressure is totally suffocating, yet I had pressed on and endured it anyhow. So much that I do not want to ground my life to reality, so much that I believe there is still something more. So much that my soul yearns to take flight.
The only thing that I somehow managed to complete this week is a comprehensive presentation of the brief history of performance art. I am in love with knowledge, I lust for it. I lust after thinking about it too. I have been reading, and I think I need to evaluate what I have been reading too. The profound content grips onto my soul so tightly sometimes, that it changes me as it insidiously shapes my mind. His perfect love drives out all fears. Fears must never have a place in my heart, understand? And yet there are regrets when I am bold. I am confused by myself, and yes, the heart is deceptive. I do not even know whether my train of thoughts has a destination at the end of the day. And I am not sure too, if I am on the right train, It is only when I spend time with God in my prayer closet that I can be leveled to completion, to an entirety. Oh God, I cry out to you now, come and heal my heart and make it as pure as before. Whatever is done, whatever has left blotches on the history of my life, may you wipe them off. I need you, only you. And no, I do not live a life as though you are created for me. I love you, you know it.
God, I am sorry that I have been impatient, that I acted on my desires. I will push those thoughts to the back of my mind, right now. I swear I will never work on that again. I am desperate to return to your warm hug where I can be secured. I never want to stray from your love. My dreams are yours.
The breakouts of emotions shall be forgotten and the wicked chantings of the brain shall stop in the mighty name of Jesus, signed off by His blood.
Ps: the musings about blogging, is very true.
I am continuing here from after cg. We had a relatively fun time at settlers. though the games can really be brain cracking. I wonder.. what is the attraction point of this little café? Is Singapore too boring to begin with? I reckon so. Joined Joanna and all in Continental Hotel, Bugis after cg. We played Taiwanese mahjong, I am really anointed, won 2 games, haha. Before Joanna, I can really let my hair down and enjoy time, like taking time off to smell the flowers. Candy was there too… all beauties, great for the eyes to feast =) tomorrow is the BIG DAY for Joanna, I am really going to cry, I am sure, hope everything goes happy and smooth. I love her so much, She is the best I have ever found, Thank God for her in my life =)..preparing for a wedding is so troublesome, yet sprinkled with tinges of joy ….i am really tired now.. but I still have stuff to do… the excitement just can’t end .. always yours, Joanna
In life, the sounds of silence are of the loudest, even between best friends, there are so much unspoken but felt. even between lovers, there are endless questionings and settlings. I pray God will cover us all in bed tonight. though i know we are all going to bed really late.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
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