Only He can satisfy

It is almost inconceivable how I have touched down to this stage. Must there always be fresh chapters in life that leaves you so often perturbed, like a tuck into the fabric of equilibrium? Packing around my room on a Saturday morning to browse through my library of resources, I froze at the many journeys I have traversed with art. To date, I am an art teacher in Yusof Ishak Secondary School at the age of 23+. All these years of experiences, dialogues, conversations and intimacy with art come to rest to be valuable to my students. And what is unimaginable is that my relationship with art never began in that manner. You never know what the future lies, isn’t it?

I dream of a space that contains me, my partner and our books. That space will be an enclave of the remnants of memories and been-throughs. How beautiful that is when God is foremostly ushered into that space. In this space, we collide, we coincide, into the energy of the Holy Spirit.

I asked God today, why am I sacrificing so much of myself in my job and ministry? Can I just don’t do them anymore? It has taken its toll on me.. And He gave me His words as I seek. I found my answers in His Word, which never ever once failed me.

On the many occasions when I chose to sweep myself into the morass of self-pity, resisting everyone’s attempts to comfort and console me, I have also fallen into a perverse feeling of pleasure. I recognize this trend of self-destructive behavior so distinctly.” Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice" (James 3:15-16).
And God wants me to be a teacher of His word, a shepherd so that I will never have the absence of joy For when I bear fruit for Him, The devil’s offer of misery, weariness of spirit, anger and hopelessness will be cast out immediately. How awesome is His breath that emits truth.

"By their fruit you will recognize them" (Matthew 7:20).
“Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit" (Matthew 7:16-18)

When my heart and flesh fail me and spirit of the mind starts to ebb, to the point of growing dull and apathetic, yet, never will I find myself alone.

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed." In other words, it becomes a lonely. Loneliness is the inevitable result of clutching and clinging to self, and refusing to die to self. Jesus continues: "But if it dies, it produces many seeds" (John 12:24)


And God ends off His words to me by saying:

"Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain" (1 Corinthians 15:58).