it's almost like..

so unlike me to be panicking over a pen. I knew for sure I could not handle it. My absent-mindedness can gobble me up that easily. But peace, I retrieved it.

an adrenalin shot or some endorphin rush. we all love it, don't we? it can be manifested in looking at watches, immersing in the Great Singapore Sale, (getting little kicks out of it), to a breezeful jog late in the evening, and it makes one feel sooo good. Wind kissing my cheeks, I had my intake today, and felt as though I have left the world behind.

To be doing things on my own isn't such a frowned-upon idea afterall. Now I am added to Morna's list of prayers. Not only praying for James, Lavinea, and Elaine..but me too. She is such a perfect motherly figure in my life and her love story is kind of divinely special as well.

I press on in faith for the next few days for my students' coursework and yes, they cannot leave the school without the knowledge of God. When you have called me whole and not broken, won't you use me Lord? For my love to you is beyond explanation and far exceeding a definition.

... and I wonder how Greece is like?

This is my workspace in TWSS. Spacious my precious.

This is what I call beautiful.. God is beautiful beyond description, too marvellous for words, too wonderful for comprehension. aww.

when the melancholic meets the sanguine

Finished “The New Spirit-controlled Woman” by Beverly this week, only to affirm myself a “Megan Melancholic”. The experience of reading this book is like reading a women’s magazine, and I almost grimaced at the last few chapters on sex. Anyway, there is some truth in this book though, especially when it frames up the book with proverbs 30: 11-15, the four main personalities 11 "There are those who curse their fathers and do not bless their mothers; those who are pure in their own eyes, and yet are not cleansed of their filth; those whose eyes are ever so haughty, whose glances are so disdainful, those whose teeth are swords, and whose jaws are set with knives, to devour the poor from the earth,the needy from among mankind. There are just too many times I wish to flog myself incessantly for being so smitten by the sanguines.

The first week in my new school has been acutely dramatic, not much having a talent for happiness. But thank God so much for the saving graces of people around who encourage me greatly with their fine presence and resonant voices of eloquence. Amidst unsettling anecdotes, I yearn the exacting memory of my time in twss be marked with kindness in good sense. Right now, things around just seem odd to me, but everything incalculably alive in the mind. And such prosaic happiness which one deems is natural in a new environment has found in my heart harder to be rationalized and justified. If I am enamored of this new season in my life, then I wish that the pressures will not rend my soul or bald my head precociously. The mind and heart have been running wild in its neck breaking speed and God must place a tight rein on them before I get buoyed up in the platter of sinful pleasures. The most important of it all is that I must keep close to Him, and I will find. I am positive that the restraints on myself now will make a greater woman in me. So Lord, when the heart is prone to wander, make my weaknesses into your strengths to run this race of immense difficulty. If I have ever been finding for that someone who is incurably romantic in taking the lead for my life, it must be you.

Sec 4J

The girls with Mr David Gan

Students finally finding "The Girl On the Swing".. but not David Marshall!!!!!

240506 The Amazing Race ...at Botanical Gardens

Teck Whye Secondary School - Exhibition at Chua Chu Kang Library and these are my colleagues -- (to my left) james lee, david gan and bb luat and the library staff.

200506 Baptism for Philip, the beauty of the sunset behind at Pasir Ris Park.

190506 the goodbye pic... at civil defence academy, thats us! ^__________^

These are the cool gurls in my NIE class, with the oversized specz.. brief - we are single and available, and one of us is a mummy of two, can guess? =)

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140406 Fetterfield -"Heal The Rift Between Us"

170506 Chuyia's birthday. These are my dear girlfriends . From left: Angie, Karen, me, Chuyia, Chuyia's gd fren, guok hua, and Grace, the girls' night out, I enjoy being with u all my pretty flowers! ( at Grand Copthorne Hotel -Cafe Brio)

To be larger than life

I have not been writing faithfully, almost to a point of losing myself. My days pockmarked with the many stormy emails and a 37.8 degrees fever. Goodness me. Learning so much on how to play this game of human relationships these days. Each time it escalates to a more thrilling level, the more burning coals they heap on the lips.

Met up with kit last night, it is almost like a reunion to recharge myself. Recharging something deep residing in the brain. In face of these testings, resentment, surly and suspicious like a she-bear, must flee from the heart and allow love to enter in. The key thing is to be altogether peaceful against the raging tempests. It is then a matter of self abnegation and not self defense anymore. I must be more than a conqueror no matter how the tough gets going. The higher the fever rises, the higher I soar. What can be more daunting? I will fight till the end of my last breath.

I sang to myself a lullaby early morning and woke up after clocking 4 hours of sleep to cottage- style worship songs. While relishing in the idyllic afternoon, dreaming of how books bind people more than food does, with hands serving the Lord, I shed tears to “Love lifted me”, especially at the words, “sinners ‘come home’, earnestly and tenderly Jesus is waiting”. They simply penetrated into my heart and drew me back once again, engaged to my Father. Thanks to Loyalle and David for the timely sms-es to encourage me too. I shelled out some time to wrap the two books I have been procrastinating to wrap. Edwin’s “Man and Boy” by Tony Parsons and Yongqing’s “Of God and Men” by A.W. Tozer. ( sounds uncanny, but I cannot explain why I had been reading such masculine books) Wrapping books can be such a therapeutic process, like an act of caressing the book with a fond love. Like what David has said, “These books are the collections of peoples’ lives”. I love books and I show favoritism to people who love books.

One last note, from “Of God and Men” by A.W. Tozer, someone wrote the godly Macarius of Optino that his spiritual counsel had been helpful. “This cannot be, “Macarius wrote in reply. “ Only the mistakes are mine. All good advice is the advice of the Spirit of God; His advice that I happen to have heard rightly and to have passed on without distorting it”.

I believe, this settled conviction in him makes an excellent lesson in our lives for us to be nearer to the heritage of joy His bleeding hands have been keeping for us on the cross.

So frank, to be larger than life may well be to engage with life first.

Tides of feelings running high

Tides of feelings running high
Across the glittered waves
Calmness prevailed
That sacred stillness
A future was to behold

Hearts could not meet
Language translated to nothingness
Cannot bear to eye on a while longer
When the sinful mind is hostile
to God

Stranger to a free soul
Almost unanswerable

Tides of feelings running high
More than an error to what is palatable
Refreshing showers quickening
the fainting soul
A pardonable frailty

Closing in to pass eternity
That was where it started
Gentle words of invitation
Coldness from
That incongruity

Stranger to a free soul
Almost trapped

And tides of feelings still,
Running high.

This is a picture of David and I taken some weeks ago when he just returned to Singapore.Thank God for this friendship, for the fact that we can wipe away our mistakes and are always given a 2nd and 3rd chance, because He forgives. (I am so so ill today, really 'down') =(

brother-in -law and sister =)

My daddy sings really very well.

my dearest brother and I ^________^

the two mothers...

The BEST MUMMY in the whole wide world

Nice one... mummy is so delighted and I am so happy too.

my mummy singing... happy Mothers' day in advance !

DADDY =)

daddy and brother singing..

One -Off Day

Had a fulfilling day at Yio Chu Kang Secondary School yesterday. When I first set foot there in the morning, I was impressed by the “School of the Arts” plague at the front of the school, then there were the many colorful flags that caught my eye. And the national arts education award.. wow. .I was really excited to see students again after so long. And it was definitely enriching to get to see students in a drama class though I had created much commotion.. these students were really adorable, I have enjoyed talking to them, and I think I have grown less shy in approaching students and showing interest in their lives. Well, as chin ian was teaching, I made mental notes on how I could infuse these drama exercises in my classes next time. Yes, students are really the same almost everywhere.. they are as I have recognized, hungry for God’s love and I was praying last night for God to provide me with more opportunities to be with students and touch their lives with Christ’s love and I was really thankful that God blessed me with chances yesterday to share with them. But of course, one thing I brought home yesterday on the way back, looking at their photos in my handphone, is that I may never be able to see them again, and these are the people I can only love from afar. There was this girl Sukanti from 222, she took the initiative to chat with me when she came into the room and we started to chat. She told me how she was and why she did not like to join the class in activities and that she is a Christian. I felt that it was a strange encounter and very prompted to pray for her. I really wish that God will continue to convict her in her identity as a child of God and that she will have no fears in a class where there is antagonism and racism. Anyway, I left after a splendid lunch with the students, and good memories, to bible study at joon kiat’s place. Bible study was fantastic, there were dawn fung, serena, joon kiat, donna ong, karen, alex, vivian, warren and myself..an answered prayer where the people in the arts gather to study the word of God together. I am filled with thanks that I can see them for eternity. I love the way dawn led worship on her ukulele(okie, she calls it guitarlele, whatever), and how I was brought to a different kind of worship all together, and when we discussed the Word, there was synergy, spontaneity and yet tightened by reverence for God. I was hyper-excited, the extroverted me will just hug everyone and give thanks for them.. hah, but I didn’t in the end as I was just too flat out for gestures like that. But thank God I got to meet serena, and that she is well back with Christ again. She is nice, honest and sincere; I wish I get to know her better. Yes, I must hang out with these folks more often. But I am not sure when I will join them for bible study again. well .. right now, I really have got many things at hand, the props are shouting at me now… and that’s why I want to call this day the “One-Off Day”.. where I can only look at people, and love them from afar.. and may not cross paths with them anymore.

@ YCKSS --- the performance art class, I was just thinking these masks are really cool, though they remind me of the ku klux clan, maybe tealights are not so needed after all.

@ YCKSS --- the kids looking at the mirror when they try to isolate their heads.

@ YCKSS --- look at this.. like kungfu class =)

@ YCKSS --- the last class of the day -- chin ian teaching mime --'focus, concentration and isolation'.. these guys seated in orderly fashion makes teaching so much easier.

@ YCKSS --- finally something up. these boys were adorably naughty.."1 million dollar, release my men now, or else these people will die"- Rashid

@ YCKSS --- these girls who were supposed to enter in explosive manner..

@ YCKSS --- a rather polished one in acting, look at that terrorist wear and his tired look ^_______^

@YCKSS --- passengers got to look frightened ..

@ YCKSS --- chin ian helping them out =)

@ YCKSS (the terrorist play -- in the MRT)

@YCKSS --- students getting ready for their rehearsal

to be, a friend of the King

A former criminal, Kozlov, converted to Christ and became a leader in the persecuted church. This talks about his life in the Soviet prsison:

Among the general despair, while prisoners like myself were cursing ourselves, the camp, the authorities; while we opened up our veins, or our stomachs, or hanged ourselves; the Christians (often with sentences of twenty to twenty-five years) did not despair. One could see Christ reflected in their faces. Their pure, upright life, deep faith and devotion to God, their gentleness and their wonderful manliness, became a shining example of real life for thousands. (Christianity Today, June 21, 1974)

This reminds me of Paul who had been compelled by the love of Christ to preach to many, to run the race despite the countless persecutions and questioning of his faith. Isn’t it meaningful to know that His love compels us to do extraordinary things? There is no need to spend our time searching His calling, His ministry and unrevealed plans for us, because as ray c. stedman says, the highest motivation should be to make yourself a friend of the King.

..the past days had been punctuated by so many events.. and they are indelible memories that matter to me..from being at equinox at westin, salivating at the breathtaking view, just wanting to embrace what is before me when the valves release so much of adrenaline, so much that it is hard to contain, to watching "u r my sunshine" with tired, constipated tears, and being slapped by extreme heat at east coast, just fighting to catch some wind on the bicycle and forgetting to gaze at the wide sea before me at the jetty to the exuberance of the dances, music and costumes in westside story..yet so often confronted by the lure of the flesh and the pleasure of sin.. as I questioned my motives and relieved to know that it has been right in His sight. When the ill-disciplined soul swings mindlessly between truth and error, my faith stemmed from fear and obedience has tipped the scale, for I am sober in this endurance race, and He is my greatest supreme motivation to live. Life as a Christian is radically different when it is one impelled by the fear of God and the love of Christ, it totally runs counter to the accepted impulses of life. The new rises from the decay of the ashes. Propelled by His undying love, I swim against the current of this darkening age until dawn breaks and dark shadows all flee away.