why does it have to happen when I am the most tired? somebody once said that I am destined for greater things because of the many happenings in my life.
too many things.unexpected things.and I am very tired.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
mind in "Urn Burial" by Sir Thomas Browne
"And if any have been so happy as truly to understand Christian annihilation, ecstasies, exolution, liquefaction, transformation, the kiss of the spouse, gustation of God, and ingression into the divine shadow, they have already had an handsome anticipation of heaven; the glory of the world is surely over, and the earth in ashes unto them. "( Urn Burial, Sir Thomas Browne)
School semester is coming to a closure. I have finished about 7 literature texts in this semester. Just want to say that of them all, I like "Urn Burial" by Sir Thomas Browne alot. Milton's stir-fry of classical mythology, biblical knowledge and natural science has lost to Browne. The obscurity in the uncanny and his skepticism towards how one makes sense of Christian beliefs. We seek not for knowledge but the patterns of knowledge. He seeks to find knowledge (narratives of lives through urns) in the threshold of things, to recognise the uncanny by becoming the uncanny to identify with them. His writings are of complex metaphors and analogies, as though in a funerary procession of ceremonial values. His long sentences confound yet is a cabinet of revelations. ...so beautiful.
School semester is coming to a closure. I have finished about 7 literature texts in this semester. Just want to say that of them all, I like "Urn Burial" by Sir Thomas Browne alot. Milton's stir-fry of classical mythology, biblical knowledge and natural science has lost to Browne. The obscurity in the uncanny and his skepticism towards how one makes sense of Christian beliefs. We seek not for knowledge but the patterns of knowledge. He seeks to find knowledge (narratives of lives through urns) in the threshold of things, to recognise the uncanny by becoming the uncanny to identify with them. His writings are of complex metaphors and analogies, as though in a funerary procession of ceremonial values. His long sentences confound yet is a cabinet of revelations. ...so beautiful.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Think: what would Jesus do?
Someone who has stopped believing in God because He has not answered a prayer of life and death
Someone who has left church because of pride and many disputes in church
Someone who is divorced with a child and keeps falling in and out of love
Someone who has had an abortion and now found a boyfriend who believes he is God
Someone who is well-versed in the study of all religions and believes that he knows God personally
Someone who has been waiting for the right man to come jumps into love with a man who is heavily in debt
Someone who has backslided and is working hard for his every cent
Someone who sleeps around, finding security in the company of man
Someone who does not get along well with her family members and prefers to live out of the house
Someone who has an ill father at home and mother who is working very hard to keep every beat of life going
Someone who has settled for a man who is a non Christian and is not her soulmate
Someone who believes in God but does not enjoy going to church
Someone who has been on the lookout for a girlfriend finally settles for a divorced woman with a child
Someone on the verge of converting to another religion because of her partner
Someone who is divorced, found a new girlfriend and is about to remarry
Someone who is overconfident, is now in dire straits when his partner (his ex girlfriend) left him and the business that they had set up
Someone who is living in fear everyday
Someone who is lost and is losing faith in God, trying to find satisfaction in all other areas of life, like career, in meeting new girls, or in being famous
Someone who loves his wife and has been praying for a child
Someone who thought that he has always believed in God but has never really known God
Someone who is facing a crisis in life and has no one to turn to
Someone who has been waiting for a life partner finally has someone coming along but he is a Christian
Someone who is birthed in a broken family, has a low self-esteem and does not know where life is going to lead
Someone who thinks that being a freethinker is the best
Someone who has never really thought who God is
Someone always wishing life will have something unchanging
God looks down at earth and His heart is grieved at the fall of Man, and burdened at the fact that many have not come to know Jesus, His Son, whom He has sent down to wash away the sins of Man.
What would Jesus do?
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
Disclaimer: characters are anonymous. burdens are many. list is endless.
Someone who has left church because of pride and many disputes in church
Someone who is divorced with a child and keeps falling in and out of love
Someone who has had an abortion and now found a boyfriend who believes he is God
Someone who is well-versed in the study of all religions and believes that he knows God personally
Someone who has been waiting for the right man to come jumps into love with a man who is heavily in debt
Someone who has backslided and is working hard for his every cent
Someone who sleeps around, finding security in the company of man
Someone who does not get along well with her family members and prefers to live out of the house
Someone who has an ill father at home and mother who is working very hard to keep every beat of life going
Someone who has settled for a man who is a non Christian and is not her soulmate
Someone who believes in God but does not enjoy going to church
Someone who has been on the lookout for a girlfriend finally settles for a divorced woman with a child
Someone on the verge of converting to another religion because of her partner
Someone who is divorced, found a new girlfriend and is about to remarry
Someone who is overconfident, is now in dire straits when his partner (his ex girlfriend) left him and the business that they had set up
Someone who is living in fear everyday
Someone who is lost and is losing faith in God, trying to find satisfaction in all other areas of life, like career, in meeting new girls, or in being famous
Someone who loves his wife and has been praying for a child
Someone who thought that he has always believed in God but has never really known God
Someone who is facing a crisis in life and has no one to turn to
Someone who has been waiting for a life partner finally has someone coming along but he is a Christian
Someone who is birthed in a broken family, has a low self-esteem and does not know where life is going to lead
Someone who thinks that being a freethinker is the best
Someone who has never really thought who God is
Someone always wishing life will have something unchanging
God looks down at earth and His heart is grieved at the fall of Man, and burdened at the fact that many have not come to know Jesus, His Son, whom He has sent down to wash away the sins of Man.
What would Jesus do?
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
Disclaimer: characters are anonymous. burdens are many. list is endless.
I want to be more a servant
During the sermon today, I thought back about my days in JC when I was running for the art club president that time. I made a poster and placed my photo with two words, “Sophia Serves”. I am reminded of what my life is all about. I am clear that my purpose of living is to reproduce myself in the lives of people, investing time and energy in them, to love them with God’s love and to cradle them into the kingdom of heaven. Caught in His grace the very day I know him, I know that I am heading towards fulfilling this purpose day by day.
"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:10-111
1Serve out of humility, not pride
The few vices I can identify in Stuart’s definition of ‘pride’, is that I am a ‘perfectionist-type’ person, who wants to be the best of everything, and there are many moments that I felt the need to ‘be praised and coaxed to serve’. Sometimes, we serve from a fear of man, and like I have said before, I am always afraid to be a mediocre person who cannot meet up to the expectations of Man. But God has been changing my perspective and turning my life around ever since. I remember last Christmas service when I was doing the backdrop, making all the props, doing makeup for the dancers, and last Easter service when I was behind the scene, fanning the dry ice, carrying hot water, dressed in black throughout the whole service. I felt rended and that people were demanding a lot from me in my multi-taskings. I was unhappy because I felt I had deserved better. I could be dressed up like the rest of the actors, I could have looked better. But in the course of it, God taught me a very important lesson in my acts of service to Him. I have learnt that I do not always need to be in the forefront of things, looking pompous and glamorous. God descended me to humility when He taught me how I can do the most unglamorous things but still honour Him the most in the gifts He has so graciously lavished on me. I look to the Pastor I met in Bogor, Indonesia, who is one leader I will say she is really someone who will wash the feet of others like Jesus. I want to be like Jesus in serving, because the heart of Christianity is really about humility. I resolute today that in my service to the cg, to TAV, to my friends, my loved ones, my students, I want to serve them with pure humility just like what Jesus will do. I will ask for no fame and no recognition. God, snatch my pride away from me today.
2 Serve out of love for others, not personal prestige
“We can do no great things, only small things with great love. It is about servanthood, not greatness. It is about love and a God who is love. It is all about God and not about us. God is God.” Mother Theresa
I love this quote from Mother Theresa. David asked me earlier in the week, "If there is only one word that you will use to define ‘God’ , what will you use?" I said ‘God is love”. I always know that God has given me the capacity to love others naturally with His love. And this gift, I need to keep exercising to bring them nearer to God. It is really not about how many great things I have done to the lives of people around, but how great the love is behind the small things I have done, with God’s might. When we serve others with love, we give up the right to be in charge, and the right to choose. I seek to love others more than myself today and continue to love them with the best I can. God is love.
3 Serve out of God’s strength, not physical; (fleshly) power
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Philippians 2:3-11
I felt sorry for the last week that I had been ill most of the days and that really discounted my service to others. I also pray for forgiveness for the times I have thought of my interests rather than others. As He becomes greater in my life, I pray I will love others more than myself. I pray especially for next week to be one that I can serve, give and love more. I testify that each time of stepping out to do so, is God’s strength, time and energy given to me. Looking back, I could not have achieved them without God in my life. I need to stop milling around but be focused in this mission which I will endure on, and I will always pray that I will serve from the inside out to a God, who knows me from the inside out from the very beginning.
I have a great God who empowers me to do great things for Him. And so do you =)
"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:10-111
1Serve out of humility, not pride
The few vices I can identify in Stuart’s definition of ‘pride’, is that I am a ‘perfectionist-type’ person, who wants to be the best of everything, and there are many moments that I felt the need to ‘be praised and coaxed to serve’. Sometimes, we serve from a fear of man, and like I have said before, I am always afraid to be a mediocre person who cannot meet up to the expectations of Man. But God has been changing my perspective and turning my life around ever since. I remember last Christmas service when I was doing the backdrop, making all the props, doing makeup for the dancers, and last Easter service when I was behind the scene, fanning the dry ice, carrying hot water, dressed in black throughout the whole service. I felt rended and that people were demanding a lot from me in my multi-taskings. I was unhappy because I felt I had deserved better. I could be dressed up like the rest of the actors, I could have looked better. But in the course of it, God taught me a very important lesson in my acts of service to Him. I have learnt that I do not always need to be in the forefront of things, looking pompous and glamorous. God descended me to humility when He taught me how I can do the most unglamorous things but still honour Him the most in the gifts He has so graciously lavished on me. I look to the Pastor I met in Bogor, Indonesia, who is one leader I will say she is really someone who will wash the feet of others like Jesus. I want to be like Jesus in serving, because the heart of Christianity is really about humility. I resolute today that in my service to the cg, to TAV, to my friends, my loved ones, my students, I want to serve them with pure humility just like what Jesus will do. I will ask for no fame and no recognition. God, snatch my pride away from me today.
2 Serve out of love for others, not personal prestige
“We can do no great things, only small things with great love. It is about servanthood, not greatness. It is about love and a God who is love. It is all about God and not about us. God is God.” Mother Theresa
I love this quote from Mother Theresa. David asked me earlier in the week, "If there is only one word that you will use to define ‘God’ , what will you use?" I said ‘God is love”. I always know that God has given me the capacity to love others naturally with His love. And this gift, I need to keep exercising to bring them nearer to God. It is really not about how many great things I have done to the lives of people around, but how great the love is behind the small things I have done, with God’s might. When we serve others with love, we give up the right to be in charge, and the right to choose. I seek to love others more than myself today and continue to love them with the best I can. God is love.
3 Serve out of God’s strength, not physical; (fleshly) power
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Philippians 2:3-11
I felt sorry for the last week that I had been ill most of the days and that really discounted my service to others. I also pray for forgiveness for the times I have thought of my interests rather than others. As He becomes greater in my life, I pray I will love others more than myself. I pray especially for next week to be one that I can serve, give and love more. I testify that each time of stepping out to do so, is God’s strength, time and energy given to me. Looking back, I could not have achieved them without God in my life. I need to stop milling around but be focused in this mission which I will endure on, and I will always pray that I will serve from the inside out to a God, who knows me from the inside out from the very beginning.
I have a great God who empowers me to do great things for Him. And so do you =)
Friday, October 27, 2006
curtains down, november is here
This is the end of October. all hurly-burly has ended. November is what I have coined as "The Abyss" cos examinations are here. David told me that if you are willing to change the mindset of what exams are all about, taking it as a test of your knowledge, it is less easier to feel stressed. Well, I am definitely not stressed up about it. I just know that November means to be a lot of staying at home, more solitude time with God, more memory power and less dating, less of socialising and hanging out. I am doing my 'silent exit' again till the tail of November comes. And till December arrives when I will be flying to Jakarta for at least neat 10 days.
Yesterday at Tupada Xingapore, I am very glad that Maki invited me into her performance. I have not performed for about three months already, it feels good to be the spectacle again. Well, I was quite surprised when she asked me if I am willing to have my face painted. At that point of time, I guess I had wanted to say 'no' because I did not bring my makeup set and it is such a hassle to be washing my face after the performance. But I know that as a performer myself, my passion and identity made me agree on the spot. I guess I was being sporting as well, cos perhaps people do expect me to be sporting? But when I put myself in the shoes of Maki, I suppose she has trusted that I will agree? (not sure, but heh, I am glad I have traded my vanity).
Thank God for the wonderful exchange with the Philippino artists, they have been really nice people and I certainly hope that they have enjoyed and bathed in the festive season in Singapore with us for the past few days. Thank God too for my friends, Julie,Chuyia, Qinyi, Jason, Khairuddin, Robert, who love me, and were so friendly to somebody last night when he came. I sang a love song to God last night before I slept. I thank God for my life =)
Yesterday at Tupada Xingapore, I am very glad that Maki invited me into her performance. I have not performed for about three months already, it feels good to be the spectacle again. Well, I was quite surprised when she asked me if I am willing to have my face painted. At that point of time, I guess I had wanted to say 'no' because I did not bring my makeup set and it is such a hassle to be washing my face after the performance. But I know that as a performer myself, my passion and identity made me agree on the spot. I guess I was being sporting as well, cos perhaps people do expect me to be sporting? But when I put myself in the shoes of Maki, I suppose she has trusted that I will agree? (not sure, but heh, I am glad I have traded my vanity).
Thank God for the wonderful exchange with the Philippino artists, they have been really nice people and I certainly hope that they have enjoyed and bathed in the festive season in Singapore with us for the past few days. Thank God too for my friends, Julie,Chuyia, Qinyi, Jason, Khairuddin, Robert, who love me, and were so friendly to somebody last night when he came. I sang a love song to God last night before I slept. I thank God for my life =)
Tupada Xingapore Performance Event
T U P A D A
X I N G a p o r e
Performance Art Meeting
Thursday, 26 October 2006, 7.30pm
Wunderspaze Studio
23 Tay Lian Teck Drive
(off Upper East Coast Road)
Singapore
Performances by
Maki Calilung
Thomas Daquioag
Ronaldo Ruiz
Mannet Villariba
Jointly organized by
Juliana Yasin, Wunderspaze and Tupada Philippines
About Tupada Xing
Tupada Xing, a coined pedestrian acronym that means
Tupada Crossing, with emphasis on the letter "X" that
carries with it multilayered meanings: cross, action
(aXn), extreme, export, exchange, express, cross-over,
restricted, breaking away.
The essence of Tupada's International Tour for the
year 2006 is encapsulated in the symbol X. Such is the
nature of Tupada (both as cockfight and performance
art activity). And for Tupada, the year 2006 is a
year for breaking borders, crossing boundaries,
meaningful and creative exchange and __expression, and
a conscious breaking away from set conventions... and
yes, even local and international restrictions to
spontaneous street and public performances--the very
nature of Tupada. Components of Tupada Xing are
international performances and artistic ventures of
Tupada members Asia, America and and Latin America.
About Wunderspaze
Wunderspaze is a Singapore-based contemporary art
initiative that aims to be a site of exchange for
local and other Southeast Asian artists and
curators.The initiative intends to develop networks in
the region by way of facilitating transactions for
artists and curators alike. Aside from artistic
development within contemporary visual art and
associated practices, the concurrent direction is to
examine and develop curatorial approaches, models and
methodologies. Wunderspaze is in its infancy, having
been formed in late 2005. Currently, it is being
helmed and driven by its Artistic Director, Khairuddin Hori,
a multi-disciplinary artist who was worked across the
many forms of visual arts, theatre and performance
while maintaining a constant drive for the
experimental and the visceral. Khairuddin recently
graduated with Masters of Arts (Fine Arts) from the
Open University, UK, conducted at LASALLE-SIA College
of the Arts.
Websites
http://www.geocities.com/tupada_ph/
http://www.jy1970.blogspot.com
http://www.ronaldoruiz.multiply.com
Emails
Wunderspaze
contactwunderspaze@yahoo.com.sg
Juliana Yasin
jy31@pacific.net.sg
Tupada
tupada_ph@yahoo.com
X I N G a p o r e
Performance Art Meeting
Thursday, 26 October 2006, 7.30pm
Wunderspaze Studio
23 Tay Lian Teck Drive
(off Upper East Coast Road)
Singapore
Performances by
Maki Calilung
Thomas Daquioag
Ronaldo Ruiz
Mannet Villariba
Jointly organized by
Juliana Yasin, Wunderspaze and Tupada Philippines
About Tupada Xing
Tupada Xing, a coined pedestrian acronym that means
Tupada Crossing, with emphasis on the letter "X" that
carries with it multilayered meanings: cross, action
(aXn), extreme, export, exchange, express, cross-over,
restricted, breaking away.
The essence of Tupada's International Tour for the
year 2006 is encapsulated in the symbol X. Such is the
nature of Tupada (both as cockfight and performance
art activity). And for Tupada, the year 2006 is a
year for breaking borders, crossing boundaries,
meaningful and creative exchange and __expression, and
a conscious breaking away from set conventions... and
yes, even local and international restrictions to
spontaneous street and public performances--the very
nature of Tupada. Components of Tupada Xing are
international performances and artistic ventures of
Tupada members Asia, America and and Latin America.
About Wunderspaze
Wunderspaze is a Singapore-based contemporary art
initiative that aims to be a site of exchange for
local and other Southeast Asian artists and
curators.The initiative intends to develop networks in
the region by way of facilitating transactions for
artists and curators alike. Aside from artistic
development within contemporary visual art and
associated practices, the concurrent direction is to
examine and develop curatorial approaches, models and
methodologies. Wunderspaze is in its infancy, having
been formed in late 2005. Currently, it is being
helmed and driven by its Artistic Director, Khairuddin Hori,
a multi-disciplinary artist who was worked across the
many forms of visual arts, theatre and performance
while maintaining a constant drive for the
experimental and the visceral. Khairuddin recently
graduated with Masters of Arts (Fine Arts) from the
Open University, UK, conducted at LASALLE-SIA College
of the Arts.
Websites
http://www.geocities.com/tupada_ph/
http://www.jy1970.blogspot.com
http://www.ronaldoruiz.multiply.com
Emails
Wunderspaze
contactwunderspaze@yahoo.com.sg
Juliana Yasin
jy31@pacific.net.sg
Tupada
tupada_ph@yahoo.com
Thursday, October 26, 2006
answers I do not know
can you ever try to not grow in love with a person or can you ever pray to love a person lesser? What happens when love stops growing and what happens if love keeps growing? When happens then when you have already love a person lesser?
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
learning something
Yesterday’s celebrations at Julie’s and Jason’s place was memorable. I can still remember vividly the celebrations last year. (check blog archives nov 2005)We all have grown a year older. Gilles was patting me on the shoulder and telling me the day will come for me when I realise that time is catching up so fast. And this year is the first time I wore a kebaya. Julie’s nephew is talking more than ever and he told us yesterday that he likes to live in this BIG GIANT SPIDERMAN HOUSE. He can be real funny. This year, I got chocolates for him and sister but did not take a picture with him. Maybe I was just too tired and lazy. This year, there are lesser people at Julie’s place esp, many of us are busy or overseas, and we did not take a group photo together as we were too preoccupied with the TV and people simply left randomly. We spent the entire day lazing in the house, not having real conversations till night, we headed down to Jason’s place. Got to meet Lindy Poh. Wonderful food and wine, I did not stay on too long since by the time we reached, it was already nine. Somebody came to fetch me and that was when all tragic began.
This is the second time in my life that I felt very close to death. My weakened body from fatigue and wine was against the speed of the bike and my senses shut on me in the journey home. Even when I tried to open my eyes, I could only see pitch black. My head was spinning in a merry-go-round I wanted desperately to brace my body out of the bike and fall to the road; my body was slipping into a violent reaction; I could not hold on that journey any longer. We finally reached the petrol station and I upchucked everything in my body with great force. My head was pounding and crashed on me. I could not even think. I know I was causing a lot of ache to somebody to see me in that miserably pathetic state of making gut soup in public but I was so haplessly trapped. I just could not stop throwing up. I never want to repeat this history ever again. A big thought descended into my mind in the course of this experience. I really may not always have tomorrow to live.
To somebody, thank you for being by my side in this unexpected spew. I am sorry for draining you out by not taking care of myself and lost the battle with myself in fighting that discomfort yesterday. I pray that such a disaster will not happen again. I really may not always have tomorrow to live. Please accept all my expressions of love to you. If you want to know, I am still keeping my word of that one year entrusted to God. I am sorry that I am still unable to take you on completely into my life though I really love you a lot and a lot. I need time, God’s time. Thank you for always loving me selflessly. I love you.
For two nights, I have forgotten to take my night medication. The side effects are increasingly obvious. Not only my lips are dry, my nose and face seem to be flaking too.. =( I must really remember to take care of myself.. I must continue to live this life for God and the people I so dearly love.
This is the second time in my life that I felt very close to death. My weakened body from fatigue and wine was against the speed of the bike and my senses shut on me in the journey home. Even when I tried to open my eyes, I could only see pitch black. My head was spinning in a merry-go-round I wanted desperately to brace my body out of the bike and fall to the road; my body was slipping into a violent reaction; I could not hold on that journey any longer. We finally reached the petrol station and I upchucked everything in my body with great force. My head was pounding and crashed on me. I could not even think. I know I was causing a lot of ache to somebody to see me in that miserably pathetic state of making gut soup in public but I was so haplessly trapped. I just could not stop throwing up. I never want to repeat this history ever again. A big thought descended into my mind in the course of this experience. I really may not always have tomorrow to live.
To somebody, thank you for being by my side in this unexpected spew. I am sorry for draining you out by not taking care of myself and lost the battle with myself in fighting that discomfort yesterday. I pray that such a disaster will not happen again. I really may not always have tomorrow to live. Please accept all my expressions of love to you. If you want to know, I am still keeping my word of that one year entrusted to God. I am sorry that I am still unable to take you on completely into my life though I really love you a lot and a lot. I need time, God’s time. Thank you for always loving me selflessly. I love you.
For two nights, I have forgotten to take my night medication. The side effects are increasingly obvious. Not only my lips are dry, my nose and face seem to be flaking too.. =( I must really remember to take care of myself.. I must continue to live this life for God and the people I so dearly love.
241006 that is all of us at julie's place watching DVD the whole day.. (Kingdom of heaven and Charlie n the Chocolate Factory). And listening to her dad's preaching and knowing how knowledgeable he is is such a pleasure. He is like the first walking Quran, Bible, History textbook and National Geographic I have met.
Monday, October 23, 2006
A Monday without blue
"My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." -- Jeremiah 2:13
Have you been building broken cisterns in your life that cannot hold water? Look not around, but probe into the deepest of your hearts. As you walk close to God, your desires will be aligned to His desires. It is time not to let life sap you of your purpose, it is time to make choices that are wise and godly. Yes, we all need gentle reminders from Him above.
Have you been building broken cisterns in your life that cannot hold water? Look not around, but probe into the deepest of your hearts. As you walk close to God, your desires will be aligned to His desires. It is time not to let life sap you of your purpose, it is time to make choices that are wise and godly. Yes, we all need gentle reminders from Him above.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
201006 This is Andree Weschler with her works at "WithDrawing" exhibition at NAFA yesterday. Having seen her drawings in her studio and how she has been working on them, I am proud of her. I am also very glad that she is happier and getting stronger each day. Thank you God for this friendship and bless this friend of mine.
The 14th set of presents from Julie. Though I did not get to celebrate with her on the actual day, I want to say that Julie is one of my closest friends whom I can share about art, my life, and God. Her performance in Poland is about faith and compassion.I love the fact that we like to engage in our spiritual condition, which is very important to us. she is the best partner-in-crime, one I love to collaborate with in my performances. Last night at Attica was so much fun. It is different from the first time I went there when I was trying v hard to forget about somebody. This time, while dancing, I danced with joy that my life is never the same again with somebody, and how God has blessed my days, and sifting out sorrows in the freedom in dance.This is our flashing stage, and we are the dancing queens =)
Friday, October 20, 2006
reading is one of my joys
Deepa: If there is anyone who asks me whose life you want to model after, I will say I want to live like Ms Natasha.
I: Why? Hmm.. ok.
Deepa: Wa, is your life really about language and nothing else?
I: Erm, maybe, I like to read.
Deepa: Don’t you find reading boring? I mean, if you have the time, will you rather read or watch TV?
I: Read.
Deepa: Will you rather go shopping than read?
I: Read.
Deepa: Don’t you think you are a bookworm? Don’t you do other things?
I: I like sports as well.
Deepa: I think it’s about time management; maybe I am too young to know how to manage time.
I: Well, it is always about learning. When I was younger, I don’t really know how to manage time that well. I had more energy I guess, I can remember when I was about 17 or 18, during my JC days, I can go out after school ends at 5plus (school starts around 7plus that time), return home and study all the way till 4am if there is a test the next day. Now, I probably cannot do it as well. I think I didn’t sleep much when I was younger. (Not to say now..)
Deepa: I was really hopeful when I was taking my ‘O’ level English that time. I studied hard and gave my all. But after I failed once, I think I just start to give less time to it.
I: Your life is not determined by the grades on the paper. Whatever you are studying is for yourself and about yourself. I failed my ‘O’ level English too, but that does not deter me from continuing to love English. I had never had very good grades for English, but I know for sure, I love English and am good at it. I don't need the grades to tell me that. Today, I am able to teach you not because I ever got an A for English but because I love English and believe in myself to teach you well. Remember, it is for yourself, it is not about the grades.
This conversation with my student, Deepa, keeps stirring in my mind, so I decided that I should pen it down. What.who can go against something you love? To me, reading is one of the joys I own in my life. As much as literature out there in the world is voluminous, my life must be as voluminous as well. Bookworm? This is a name we used to call nerdy classmates. But today, I am good being known as “bookish”, someone who worms up in bed reading and reading. You will never have the same experience as someone else who reads the same book. The pleasures of reading is so personal, intimate and worth cherishing every second. Like a movie, it teleports me to a paradise that is very secure and enjoyable. Forget about the labels heaped on you from the strictures of society, be yourself and hang on to what you love and believe in today.
I: Why? Hmm.. ok.
Deepa: Wa, is your life really about language and nothing else?
I: Erm, maybe, I like to read.
Deepa: Don’t you find reading boring? I mean, if you have the time, will you rather read or watch TV?
I: Read.
Deepa: Will you rather go shopping than read?
I: Read.
Deepa: Don’t you think you are a bookworm? Don’t you do other things?
I: I like sports as well.
Deepa: I think it’s about time management; maybe I am too young to know how to manage time.
I: Well, it is always about learning. When I was younger, I don’t really know how to manage time that well. I had more energy I guess, I can remember when I was about 17 or 18, during my JC days, I can go out after school ends at 5plus (school starts around 7plus that time), return home and study all the way till 4am if there is a test the next day. Now, I probably cannot do it as well. I think I didn’t sleep much when I was younger. (Not to say now..)
Deepa: I was really hopeful when I was taking my ‘O’ level English that time. I studied hard and gave my all. But after I failed once, I think I just start to give less time to it.
I: Your life is not determined by the grades on the paper. Whatever you are studying is for yourself and about yourself. I failed my ‘O’ level English too, but that does not deter me from continuing to love English. I had never had very good grades for English, but I know for sure, I love English and am good at it. I don't need the grades to tell me that. Today, I am able to teach you not because I ever got an A for English but because I love English and believe in myself to teach you well. Remember, it is for yourself, it is not about the grades.
This conversation with my student, Deepa, keeps stirring in my mind, so I decided that I should pen it down. What.who can go against something you love? To me, reading is one of the joys I own in my life. As much as literature out there in the world is voluminous, my life must be as voluminous as well. Bookworm? This is a name we used to call nerdy classmates. But today, I am good being known as “bookish”, someone who worms up in bed reading and reading. You will never have the same experience as someone else who reads the same book. The pleasures of reading is so personal, intimate and worth cherishing every second. Like a movie, it teleports me to a paradise that is very secure and enjoyable. Forget about the labels heaped on you from the strictures of society, be yourself and hang on to what you love and believe in today.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
something lets me down
the answer I need is here. Been thinking who have let me down these past few days.. not anyone in particular I realise.. even if there are, those memories are already buried deep in the pits. Something is letting me down. My newly bought laptop. Last night, it was already surfacing some symptoms.. Microsoft word kept running when I was working on my writings. Today, I tried to play some music to entertain my classmates during dinner. "Wake me up when septemmmmmmmbbbbbbbbeeerrr......." That was funny for a few seconds. Maybe reformatting does not really help. Okay, my heart is desperately sinking. I need to bring this baby to see the doctor soon.
Monday, October 16, 2006
life is not vanity fair but mutiny fare
people are falling into slumbers as the year arrives near the end.. im wasting more time than ever.
i did not adhere to my principles today .. people may have forgotten those anti-sentiments.
people are strolling out of my life as the year of my age increases.. im aware it is not just for now.
i thought of the rest of my time..people stud the memory lanes in my mind.
people are parting ways as the day shortens.. im very much the same like before.
i did not understand what searches the deepest part..people are merely rehearsing scripts of their lives.
people can be some or many.. i think it doesn't really matter.
i won't be able to remember..people simply cannot hold on much longer.
i did not adhere to my principles today .. people may have forgotten those anti-sentiments.
people are strolling out of my life as the year of my age increases.. im aware it is not just for now.
i thought of the rest of my time..people stud the memory lanes in my mind.
people are parting ways as the day shortens.. im very much the same like before.
i did not understand what searches the deepest part..people are merely rehearsing scripts of their lives.
people can be some or many.. i think it doesn't really matter.
i won't be able to remember..people simply cannot hold on much longer.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
This is the 13th set of presents from my student Deepa. Deepa is a very sensible girl and my friend, not just a student. She is happy for me that I have found someone I like because she has always been so very anxious for me. Silly girl, she wants me to promise to invite her to my wedding. Thanks for all the gifts you have given me all this while, may you come and know God one day =)
This is the 12th set of presents from Biyun. Thanks dear, how do you know I like Chomel? Must be a giveaway from my watch. Yes I love this gift you have given. Thanks for being such a wonderful sister, always willing to hear me out and love me. All blessings and love overflowing in your life I pray! =)
Saturday, October 14, 2006
72-13 ICAA presents
Pichet Klunchun and Myself
A commission by Tang Fu Kuen for the Bangkok Fringe Festival
Concept: Jerome Bel
by and with Pichet Klunchun and Jerome Bel
20 & 21 October 2006, Friday & Saturday
8pm (105 min with no intermission) 72-13
Donation tickets to the performance are available.
Donations made will go towards 72-13’s public programming where we
intend to present diverse expressions and perspectives, as well as
innovative performances and presentations from Singapore and
internationally. Please call (65) 67377213 and speak to Tay Tong or
Mervyn for details.
Renowned French contemporary dancer / choreographer, Jerome Bel, teams
up with Pichet Klunchun, classical performer of Thai traditional ‘Khon’ dance
in the explosive piece Pichet Klunchun and Myself. The hottest contemporary
dance duet in Europe this year, Bel and Klunchun will perform their
conversation which explodes all notions of contemporary dance. The
performance has played in 22 cities since its premiere in Bangkok, Thailand in
December 2004.
On stage, the two dancers reconstruct a theatrical report of their experience of
working together. Throughout the piece they alternate between asking
questions of one another and offering each other and the audience short
dance demonstrations. . The success of this most original dance documentary
performance is that it brings together two artists who, although worlds apart in
so many ways, share humour, sensibility and a great open-mindedness.
Jérôme Bel is a French choreographer well known as a provocateur of the
contemporary form. He lives in Paris and works throughout Europe. Pichet
Klunchun is a Thai classical dance artist and one of the best known Khon
(Thai classical male dance) masters in Thailand.
God, take over the cracks and crevices of my life
After mulling over things the past few days, I am glad that my bravery pushed me to let it off my chest last night. 13/10/06 God spoke into the depths of my heart and I took a step of intentional faith to entrust my relationship with somebody into the hands of God. One year. One year I have given to God. Irrational behavior breeds irrational fears and anxieties and I was attacked by it the night before. This morning, I woke up with a peace in my heart that assures me that everything is kept beautiful in His hands. As a sidethought, I never had pre-empted that I will do a thing like that to commit a year to God, because I never do believe in what they always call signing a covenant with God because Man always tend to break them in the face of fleshly desires and I am not excluded. Making this decision is radical, and I have to say that part of me is achingly painful. What squeezes me to tears is that there before me is somebody I am seriously in love with yet discipline in God is keeping me away from being with him. However, when I let God take over my mind, what really is one year compared to the entire span of eternity with somebody? I always remember what we have committed ourselves to, to this journey together. And it is really, a journey in continuum. It is going to be good. Good and pleasing to God to fall in love with somebody He has purposed for you, to be in a relationship that glorifies Him, to be married to somebody to fulfill His commandments. Indeed, we will be two lighted matches that join to burn brighter for God. God will honor us when we honor Him. When we say we are following Jesus, we walk behind Him and not before Him with our plans. God’s purpose prevails over the plans in a man’s heart.
Somebody is a great man who has given a big love to me.
I lean to two verses today:
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. Romans 7:14-20
"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Somebody is a great man who has given a big love to me.
I lean to two verses today:
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. Romans 7:14-20
"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
I clasp on to every memory
Life is measured by lives touched, not by tasks achieved.
fever pls go down
This is the 11th set of presents from Chuyia. This is also one of the things I have never gotten to possess till last night. Always wanted to have a necklace with a cross, finally. Thanks Chuyia. I appreciate this gift a lot and you are a friend I will always want to hug and kiss. Yes, women are really, strange creatures.
101006 this is the 10th set of presents from esther. esther is the special one who brought me to Christ in 1999. Thank God for using her and that today, we are still faithful children in His eyes. I cannot really read what you have written on the paper, but I want to say thank you for offering me a gift that has freely coluored my life with so much joy and exuberance. In God we will prosper. Life is indeed a colourful tapestry.
101006 NJC AEP (1999-2000) here (from left) is janice, me, esther, yingshun and shushan.It is really a reunion after 6 years. I disappeared for 6 years and I am glad I am found again. yesterday night was memorable, cheers to the fact that we all are surviving adulthood pretty strong. We have all grown mature and peaceful in the way we think . Most of us have ended up becoming designers. I relished in every moment of catching up last night. The gravity of yesterday's conversations centered on "where is joyce?". Yes, where is joyce after so many years? I really wonder.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
assiduously thinking
a huge thanks to all - my friends, my cg, my ex colleagues, my students...for msg-ing me birthday sms-es yesterday for the past 24 hours. I was not missing, just too many to reply back. But I REALLY appreciate the wishes. It had been THE BESTEST BIRTHDAY.
thank you and I hope that I can always be the one to give you the best of everyday.
thank you and I hope that I can always be the one to give you the best of everyday.
Monday, October 09, 2006
It is the 9th of October
I was born 24 years ago on this very date. This year’s birthday is a birthday of an extended version of celebration, really because there are many people I love whom I want to spend my birthday with. I always love my birthday because it happens only once a year and that makes it very very special. I may be narcissistic, I may be exhibitionist, but deep down within, I know I have learnt to love myself so much more compared to those days that were trodden and self-effacing. Today, during worship, my heart pounded with an acute sense of thanksgiving, and I felt the embrace of God extremely tangible. God truly has soldiered this walk with me, and made life possible, better to live each day. If a birthday privileges me to have a birthday wish, I am choosing to revise my new year resolutions for this year. As I flipped back to the blog entry in the beginning of this year, this is what it reads:
Set new year resolutions for this year and I must ACHIEVE THEM.1. serve in a particular ministry in church, either MUSIC or DANCE2. serve more in cg3. balance between school, frens, family and church4. Meet a right guy (This is an additional one that I did not share in cg ^_^)I want to grow more like Jesus this year by reading more of His word. Attend bible studies this year on a regular basis.
It is almost obvious which are the resolutions I have fuilfilled and which I have not. In God’s timing, faith is really about “Forsaking All I Trust Him”.
This is my life verse for this year:For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death.Philippians 1:19-20
And I have lived on with this life verse fairly well too
To the fact of turning 24. When I was young, I have always imagined 24 years old with this image of myself strolling down the yuppy road with a black portfolio, sashaying with a stylish gradeur as a designer. Though this did not come through, I am proud to say that the road I am travelling on now is a road of eternity, it does not matter what I wear and who I am in the earthly sense, but where the heart longs for. I have learnt not to push my way with God and to trust that He has only the best for me. I am no longer in search for the best because, I already have the best. As I continue to live out my life sensibly, and to live a life for God’s destined people, my faith teaches me that I will be able to see what I believe one day though for now, it is believing in what I cannot see.
Set new year resolutions for this year and I must ACHIEVE THEM.1. serve in a particular ministry in church, either MUSIC or DANCE2. serve more in cg3. balance between school, frens, family and church4. Meet a right guy (This is an additional one that I did not share in cg ^_^)I want to grow more like Jesus this year by reading more of His word. Attend bible studies this year on a regular basis.
It is almost obvious which are the resolutions I have fuilfilled and which I have not. In God’s timing, faith is really about “Forsaking All I Trust Him”.
This is my life verse for this year:For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death.Philippians 1:19-20
And I have lived on with this life verse fairly well too
To the fact of turning 24. When I was young, I have always imagined 24 years old with this image of myself strolling down the yuppy road with a black portfolio, sashaying with a stylish gradeur as a designer. Though this did not come through, I am proud to say that the road I am travelling on now is a road of eternity, it does not matter what I wear and who I am in the earthly sense, but where the heart longs for. I have learnt not to push my way with God and to trust that He has only the best for me. I am no longer in search for the best because, I already have the best. As I continue to live out my life sensibly, and to live a life for God’s destined people, my faith teaches me that I will be able to see what I believe one day though for now, it is believing in what I cannot see.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
swirling into the vortex of joy
Im speechless at the goodness of life at this moment.
Thanks warren for the generous drinks- lychee martini, baileys with milk and fallen lamborgini at ice cold beer.
Tonight I appreciate my YA darlings so so much. Because I know it takes more than effort alone to celebrate my birthday with me. The presents they have bought me must have cost them much, perhaps to the extent of making them broke for the month. The presents are the embodiment of love, care and warmth and it makes me more than thankful knowing that God will give me back the same measure or even more of what I have given. I am not feeling indebted; rather it is like a resignation to happiness tonight =)
Thanks warren for the generous drinks- lychee martini, baileys with milk and fallen lamborgini at ice cold beer.
Tonight I appreciate my YA darlings so so much. Because I know it takes more than effort alone to celebrate my birthday with me. The presents they have bought me must have cost them much, perhaps to the extent of making them broke for the month. The presents are the embodiment of love, care and warmth and it makes me more than thankful knowing that God will give me back the same measure or even more of what I have given. I am not feeling indebted; rather it is like a resignation to happiness tonight =)
this is the seventh set of presents from yongqing. My brother, I am always thankful for the times you offered to borrow christian books for me from the NIE library. It is a sweet and kind gesture that I will always remember, thanks for sharing my love for reading books and giving me flowers on my birthday. And also, for always encouraging me as I spur towards my dream of becoming the Proverbs 31 woman. Thank you my brother =)
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