why must it be that someone has to be in the wrong?
why must 'not understanding' be known as 'doubting'?
why must a fight always end up being hurt?
why must a quarrel always end up in tears?
why must the word 'sorry' be part of two?
why must you never ever say 'break up'?
why must we suffer for our mistakes?
why must we have a past?
why must we love?
God knows why.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
when the perfect is far from perfect
I am excited the more I think about how near I am to a new year. A new year where I will be back to the marketplace, a new environment and new students. That itself is rewarding enough. And of course a goodbye for now, to my 21 years of studying ( including kindergarten ) I love my students. Everyone of them, even though I have forgotten most of their names, but not the faces. I want to be back to work again. The menace is gone after a week of fire-fighting it, and for now, I shall bury this bad woman into the abyss of darkness before I can think of charity and compassion. My heart is so much lighter now. She was never meant to be in my picture of life.If not for her, life would not be like this now. if not for her. yes. if not for her.we wil not be one piece of funiture short next time! Go away, I so look down on you, Shoo. Misfortunes are aplenty, I hate to agree. There is still one piece of bad news in my heart now. But since God has willed it, God will look to it. I can only trust. I wish I can be a tad more candid about my reality, but my every word is really to protect the ‘plaintiff’ of each life case. So I cannot really reveal what has been going on. Pastor Philip Huan noted 2 checks about discerning God’s will. 1) The Surrender Check , and 2) The Blessing Check. I am thinking about it. How much can a diamond ring be actually a positive impact on others’ lives? It seems so dumb to even think of it as a blessing. Surrender, God- I surrender it to you. Don’t give me a stone. Give me wisdom. I am so warring against the abstract within me.Even my boyfriend has a pseudonym of Somebody.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
do you know.. ?
Somebody once said that somewhere, someday, someone will come to take away some happiness.it was taken away from me since yesterday and i am not sure if it will be taken away again.her re-surfacing is a menace, i called the police today.
Monday, October 15, 2007
a sunday- how now shall we live?
today i was so tired on the way to tuition that i probably slept on few peoples' shoulders.
but i really love the sermon today, it speaks to me in a way that cures the itch of the flesh.the 3 foundational stones of lifestyle 1) satisfaction 2) security 3) significance.. we all succumb to these 3 stones for a definition of our identities in this life. to have the greatest satisfaction out of an exotic holiday, out of our luxury cars and branded tai tai handbags.satisfaction even from our own partners and best friends. we save to have security, we invest to have a better future, we earn more so that we can do more than survive. we want to be somebody, at least to be recognised for our little efforts, we want to make a difference and an impact, we want to be loved, we do not want to be written off the track of history.
however, the bible speaks more volumes of truth for these 3 foundational stones; and we all find ourselves trapped in this guilty net of foolishness.
in looking for satisfaction, we cannot be passively consuming without compassion. God champions the poor. God gave us the ability to work not for money, not to impress, but to share.
"He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.' epesians 4:28
in finding security, beware of possessions without peace. when is the last ostentatious good that you bought that you are so worried that you will lose it, scratch it or spoil it? what true value is there in it? that you are hugging it in your dreams and thoughts? it may be a car, a branded something. isnt it, at the end of the day, bought to staisfy some incurable want within, that serves little value ultimately? why build treasures here that you cannot take away?
"Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys." luke 12:33
in gaining significance, beware of status without substance. it is self-explanatory. why blow ur head with a hat too big? build urself within and do not seek the temporal.
"He said to them, "You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight." luke 16:15
this is not said to unpack some truths that slaps one heard to his/her conscience. but to teach us: How now shall we live?
-increase your expenditure much more slowly than your income
-periodically deny yourslef the pleasures of life. (it is not about having deprived lives)
-budget as much for charity as luxury
-make as many mission trips as holiday trips (do something significant in your trips overseas!)
-give recklessly every now and then (don't be a stingy poke)
-maintain a priority relationship with God
where do you find wisdom in your living? is it from intellectual books or peoples' lives? the bible is one book,inspired by GOD, that you can find both intellect and testimonies of peoples' lives -- that is true wisdom within.
but i really love the sermon today, it speaks to me in a way that cures the itch of the flesh.the 3 foundational stones of lifestyle 1) satisfaction 2) security 3) significance.. we all succumb to these 3 stones for a definition of our identities in this life. to have the greatest satisfaction out of an exotic holiday, out of our luxury cars and branded tai tai handbags.satisfaction even from our own partners and best friends. we save to have security, we invest to have a better future, we earn more so that we can do more than survive. we want to be somebody, at least to be recognised for our little efforts, we want to make a difference and an impact, we want to be loved, we do not want to be written off the track of history.
however, the bible speaks more volumes of truth for these 3 foundational stones; and we all find ourselves trapped in this guilty net of foolishness.
in looking for satisfaction, we cannot be passively consuming without compassion. God champions the poor. God gave us the ability to work not for money, not to impress, but to share.
"He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.' epesians 4:28
in finding security, beware of possessions without peace. when is the last ostentatious good that you bought that you are so worried that you will lose it, scratch it or spoil it? what true value is there in it? that you are hugging it in your dreams and thoughts? it may be a car, a branded something. isnt it, at the end of the day, bought to staisfy some incurable want within, that serves little value ultimately? why build treasures here that you cannot take away?
"Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys." luke 12:33
in gaining significance, beware of status without substance. it is self-explanatory. why blow ur head with a hat too big? build urself within and do not seek the temporal.
"He said to them, "You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight." luke 16:15
this is not said to unpack some truths that slaps one heard to his/her conscience. but to teach us: How now shall we live?
-increase your expenditure much more slowly than your income
-periodically deny yourslef the pleasures of life. (it is not about having deprived lives)
-budget as much for charity as luxury
-make as many mission trips as holiday trips (do something significant in your trips overseas!)
-give recklessly every now and then (don't be a stingy poke)
-maintain a priority relationship with God
where do you find wisdom in your living? is it from intellectual books or peoples' lives? the bible is one book,inspired by GOD, that you can find both intellect and testimonies of peoples' lives -- that is true wisdom within.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
the 30 sentence me
1. My ex is: a quizzy artist
2. I am listening to: vehicles below the block and the outside telly
3. Maybe I should: just sleep forever
4. I love: to be pretty
5. My best friends: are not with me. One in abstract form; one in koahshiung
6. I don’t understand: why
7. I lose: my cool when emotions fill my head
8. People say: i am always in my own world
9. The meaning of my screen name is: nat
10. Love is: sacrifice
11. Somewhere, someone: misses me
12. I will always: want to be pretty and happy
13. Forever: is what i live for
14. I never want to: be treated badly
15. My cell phone is: getting old
16. When I wake in the morning: I wish I can return to my dreams
17. I get annoyed at: hypocrites
18. Parties are: super cool, a time for everything!
19. My dog is: non-existent
20. Kisses are the worst when: you don’t feel like kissing
21. Today I am: at peace
22. Tonight I will: sleep and think of Somebody
23. Tomorrow I will: want to be at peace again
24. I really want: to be happy forever
25. When I looked at myself in the mirror today I: I think I looked better yesterday
26. I will drive my car: when I want to
27. A word that rhymes with “PARK” is: SHARK
28. Bright or Dark Room?: Dark. It makes the ‘lonely’ effect better
29. If I’m alone in a room with two beds, I: will want to roll from one to another
30. The last thing I said to someone was: I thought you were busy?
( from swallowapple's blog: I really like this no-brainer fill-in-the-blanks, it makes me characterise myself better! hee )
2. I am listening to: vehicles below the block and the outside telly
3. Maybe I should: just sleep forever
4. I love: to be pretty
5. My best friends: are not with me. One in abstract form; one in koahshiung
6. I don’t understand: why
7. I lose: my cool when emotions fill my head
8. People say: i am always in my own world
9. The meaning of my screen name is: nat
10. Love is: sacrifice
11. Somewhere, someone: misses me
12. I will always: want to be pretty and happy
13. Forever: is what i live for
14. I never want to: be treated badly
15. My cell phone is: getting old
16. When I wake in the morning: I wish I can return to my dreams
17. I get annoyed at: hypocrites
18. Parties are: super cool, a time for everything!
19. My dog is: non-existent
20. Kisses are the worst when: you don’t feel like kissing
21. Today I am: at peace
22. Tonight I will: sleep and think of Somebody
23. Tomorrow I will: want to be at peace again
24. I really want: to be happy forever
25. When I looked at myself in the mirror today I: I think I looked better yesterday
26. I will drive my car: when I want to
27. A word that rhymes with “PARK” is: SHARK
28. Bright or Dark Room?: Dark. It makes the ‘lonely’ effect better
29. If I’m alone in a room with two beds, I: will want to roll from one to another
30. The last thing I said to someone was: I thought you were busy?
( from swallowapple's blog: I really like this no-brainer fill-in-the-blanks, it makes me characterise myself better! hee )
Friday, October 12, 2007
the jang-jang week
apart from what the pictures can tell- that i really had an enjoyable week, i did it again this week. my temper flew at a level that cannot be explained plainly by the word "stressed" but i am really pissed with the way things are revolving around. they are always running couter to who i am and what i think and do. the crossver to 25 is not significant without these learnings through time. i have endured the superficiality, the facades of kindness, the unprofessionalism,only to discover some simple life truths: 1) everyone is selfish 2) everyone longs to be loved 3) everyone wants their borthday to be remembered 4) everyone feels the need to have friends. the inanity of life just whimsically made a fool of me.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Saturday, October 06, 2007
God saved the day
changes.. there are quite a mouthful these days. first, it must start with i'm turning 25 in about 2 days' time; Somebody got a car; I'm flying off in one and a half month.
since we all live at the edge of the precipice, i reckon that those whose souls are broken turn either insane, or become totally devoted to God.
i just drove Somebody's car. it has been a long time since I last drove. The shadow of crashing fear still hangs like a sceptre, haunting the present.
i just saw THE ONE, hope it is really THE ONE.
i m so looking forward to.. my birthday!!!
since we all live at the edge of the precipice, i reckon that those whose souls are broken turn either insane, or become totally devoted to God.
i just drove Somebody's car. it has been a long time since I last drove. The shadow of crashing fear still hangs like a sceptre, haunting the present.
i just saw THE ONE, hope it is really THE ONE.
i m so looking forward to.. my birthday!!!
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