our work-weary faces manifested in lumps of clay

040907 NJC Gathering: All of us at Big O

040907 NJC Gathering: Esther, Janice, Me, Eng Kiat and Jiet Shern at Big O

040907 NJC Gathering: Esther, Janice and I

040907 NJC Gathering: Janice and I

040907 NJC Gathering: All of us (2) at Shashlik Restaurant

040907 NJC Gathering: All of us at Shashlik Restaurant

040907 NJC Gathering: Me and Eng Kiat

040907 NJC Gathering: Janice and Esther

wake me up when september ends

familiar? last sept was the same arduous mountain-climbing, I stayed up till 3am last night. look at my mess while staying up... the busyness in a flash-which words cannot describe, my yoko yoko, my tissue, my pens, and papers, my scrungee, my drink and.. my motivation to go on, this semester..busy busy busy T_T
I figured that the only way not to feel busy is not to wear that sacrifice on your face. alright, smashing back to work.

面具的三分曲/Mask: 3 min melody

秋天的雨滴
宛如我指尖的血迹
两人的声音
泪,记忆的痕迹
默忍的伤感
我拥抱黑天的神情
两人的木纳
爱,眷恋的忧情


raindrops in spring akin to
blood stains on my fingertips
the coupled voices,
tears,the fades of every memory
the repressed anguish
I can embrace the darkness's her temperament
The coupled dazes
loves,the nostalgias of every woe

P.S : I split my mind into two today, and I penned this little poem in 2 languages in a few minutes. I realise that I have the tendency to translate words in my mind very fast, esp. when I go to ktv to sing Chinese songs, the words on the screen just get automatically translated into English text in my mind. So I thought I will just try out if I can pen a poem in this way ..Anyway, I am a Chinese to whoever asked this question :)

Finally

Finally, this is a promise kept, promise about to be fulfilled. I can be with her again. So this is the taipei 101 that we will go and see. A long chat with Joanna last night planning our itinerary in December. Finally, we can tour together and be like before, eat, drink, chat and have fun like the days when she was still here in Singapore. We have grown up much over the years, and are beholding our plans for our own future. Even when our lives seem to be expanding in the number of commitments, friends and partners.. we still share the love like before. Best friends can go through the most frustrating moments of life, yet can savour the unimaginable teaching moments of life. Wherever she goes, wherever I go, our paths will blend into one, solely because we are the best of friends who keep this promise as one.

当爱能够感觉到最令人泄气的时刻
是时刻诺言被履行
或是在想象中的诺言被爱放弃？

"Raised" 2007

Raising a platform is a symbolic act of elevating the status of the foreign workers and acknowledging the significant contributions to the development of the country.

“Raised” has been developed as a lively discussion group seeking to create a common platform for different voices to be heard, and differing ideas to be shared and debated on equal ground. “Raised” can also be read as in raising questions about our assumptions on our memories, history and heritage; raising questions on our understanding about the difference in culture and values.

“Raised” is a collective effort of eight participating art practitioners, namely, Amanda Heng, Shenu Hamidun, Siti Salihah bte Mohd Omar, Sriridya Nair, Nurul Huda Farid, Joshua Yang, Justin Loke and Cheo Chai-Hiang.

For more information about "Raised",check out http://www.raisedproject.blogspot.com/

We started a Second Life as well, in this virtual world without limits except the limits of one's mind. you can see me with my NIE mates. I am the "SPG in blood, Jpop in culture and style" girl trying her dance stunts in this snapshot. Check out my altar ego as i begin my second life =)

the Second Wind, life is simple living

so we celebrated christina's bday at kbox last sun.. sang for about 5 hours while being loaded with freebies and food =) this weekend was a easy-going one, somebody and i went for a swim and cheesy pizza hut dinner, after making a face mask of him with white plaster. I have enshrined him in this piece of artwork. this week i found myself labelling the teaching of literature as a highly refined civic and moral class, found myself being an impactful influence in a good friend's life, and found sleep to be the biggest friend. like a baby, i deem sleep as top priority these days.and also, i started to look for the second wind in my faith this season like the prophet joel. the second wind like a regain in power and a restoration of the cornerstone. somehow, evan almighty refreshes me greatly. live simply, and we will be happy =)

Memorize a Kiss

Now I have something to say to the elders in your group. I am also an elder. I myself have seen Christ's sufferings. And I will share in the glory that will be shown to us. I beg you to take care of the group of people that you are responsible for. They are God's flock. Watch over that flock because you want to, not because you are forced to do it. That is how God wants it. Do it because you are happy to serve, not because you want money. Don't be like a ruler over those people you are responsible for. But be good examples to those people. Then when the Ruling Shepherd (Christ) comes, you will get a crown. That crown will be very glorious, and it will never lose its beauty.
1 Peter 5:1-4 (ERV)

God's words are cubes of gold when the gangs of sea in my soul are very dry.. esp.
when i want to lead my own life
when i feel like a hermit
when i feel like shutting the world off
when i want vanity to take over
when i want to be in a own world
when i dread going to church
when i refuse to serve His people

i have a Greater Responsiiblity, simply because i am created by him, and him alone.
keep vigilant so that i can be the servant who is ready when he comes. And this Greater Responsibility is one that will provide me with security and joy that no one can offer.i am so won over.

jereme, celest, me and alvin for Borne Ultimatum(2)

110807 for Borne Ultimatum (1)

030807 to 090807 Korea BIPAF-Bucheon, Gimcheon, Sacheon

next to next

This time to Korea was a fantastic adventure for my soul. It’s no longer just about knowing the friends, having new contacts and learning and appreciating a foreign culture. It was a moment that I had found myself. Not through surveying my past performances, or assessing my future capabilities. It was about letting go of the constrictions and being fired up with a new energy within. And it is amazing how the miracle of finding myself shudders against an alien backgrpund- grim North and South Korea carrying the brunt of political oonflict and intense dissatisfaction.

I have an image of the next right now, and I am happy, like many of us.
goodbye bucheon, gimcheon and sacheon, where divisions are simply lines.

BIPAF '07 Leaving Bucheon City (3rd to 5th August 2007)

A sound from me in Korea. Right now, I am in the hotel room in Hotel Kobos, Bucheon City, Seoul. Today is the second day of the performance fest (Bucheon International Performance Art Festival) at Central Station Bucheon. It has been a great two days here getting to know the culture, language and friends from Finland, Australia and America. I am the youngest performer around and Hong O-Bong (organiser) calls me his 'performance daughter'. Indeed, as much as we need unity in life, we also need that richness in diversity. We can't be living in a homogenous Macdonalds' World, isn't it? I like the peace here, streets are relatively quiet with light traffic. But it can get boring because we do not know any hangout places and language is definitely a barrier to many of us. I am staying in the hotel with Agnes Yit and Irma Optimist (Finland)- 3 beautiful women in the room. Most of us have already performed yesterday. Today, the bulk of them are Korean artists and one Japanese artist- Yasuo (he has been very helpful in teaching me Korean language and written characters- he reminds me of Todd-the very 'monkish' kind of baldheaded guy.) There are mostly women performance artists here, only two guys and one translator whom Agnes and I do not really trust-an opportunist guy who has a pediatrician gf in Singapore, 42 years old.

Anyway, we need some mental rest, I need to have more money with me- my Won is depleting very fast, because the things here are really expensive, each time u ask "Olumaeyo?" (how much?)- the minimum is 1000 Won!). I also need to go and change my Somebody's T-sirts- I woke up this morning and realise that the shirts I bought are far too small- I hope and pray they can let me change the sizes though I did not keep the receipts- I hope the Japanese can help me communicate later =( I am so bad at estimating human sizes! And I do not want to waste money! We are leaving Bucheon tomorrow morning, so I can still use the Internet and go on Msn and use the hotel phone to make international calls for first 5min free. We will be travelling to Kimcheon City on Monday morning by the Korean shinkansen (korean rail). From Tuesday onwards, we will go to Sacheon City till Wednesday. Returning to Singapore on Thursday from Bucheon City to Incheon International Airport. This week ahead, I want to focus on my performance and do a good job. I don't want to think about anything else because I know once I step on Singapore again, it is a storm of things in the head. There might be a typhoon this afternoon here too. I wonder how it will be like! I need to be sane.

Goodbye Bucheon, may we meet again when I start to learn some Korean.

Dreams, I have some. Breath, I have much. Love, I have one.
God, thanks for loving me.

a moment from heaven

Just some hours ago, I was having lunch at a coffeeshop in Jurong West when something unusual happened. I was thinking to myself at that time-wondering what kind of country is Korea, is it like Philippines, Jarkarta..the places that I was the last few months, where I see poor people around? That I have to be careful with your belongings wherever I go? or is it like Singapore, a first-world country where even dish clearers in coffeeshops wear gold jewelry? (dish clearer with gold jewelry walked past) I remember David once told me that in the wealthy lanes of Tokyo Shinjyuku, once a while you can see a man digging into trash at the roadside for food. I wonder if I would see such a sight in Korea, a poor hungry man in the midst of LV, Chanel, Burberry bags thronging the busy streets. My thoughts swifted to my broken Chanel compact this morning, when someone tapped me on my wrist and broke my thoughts. Before me was this old Malay woman in a flowery sarong who brought her food before me, and so she was to share with me the table for her meal. I was about to finish my chicken rice then. I saw what was laden before me was a plate of rice with abit of sambal chilli, a half piece of salted egg and a small bowl of bittergourd soup. She limped off to get her drink after she put her food down. I looked at her food, and looked at my almost finished food. I had chicken, cucumber, and soup.. She had only a half piece salted egg. So little. Can't be enough. My heart went out to her. I felt like crying when I looked at her little food. But I did not know what to do. Buy her food? Give her money? Will she accept? Will she be angry? Will it become a dramatic scene in the coffeeshop like those chinese drama serials where kind-hearted souls get scolded by the 'beggars'? Just when I was debating in myself the best way to love her, she returned, limping, with a glass of plain water. I tried not to let her know I was looking at her and her food. Then she walked away before I could catch her glance. I was about to finish, my Pepsi twist still left with a quarter. Maybe I should get her some chicken, place it beside her plate and walk off? Too late, she was back. I continued to suck hard deep into my Pepsi twist, and smiled at her weakly when she plunged herself in the seat opposite at our table. I really had finished my food and drink, but I had not bought her anything. No, I could not just walk off and be ignorant and pretend I did not see what I saw. "Don't ever save on compassion.", Holy Spirit spoke. But giving her money or buying her food will just shock her offguard, I argued. I decided to talk to her. I asked her if the food was enough for her, offered to buy her more. But alas, she could not understand English. I was biting on my Bahasa. I could only tell her her food was too little in Bahasa. She could speak a bit of Hokkien. So she got the dish clearer with the gold jewelry to help translate. Hokkien? My, I tried my best. I told the dish clearer in my best Hokkien that I want to buy food for the Malay woman, what she was eating was too little, " wa(4) buay (4)" But the Malay woman rejected, she said the food was enough for her, "kam(2) sia(3)". Still, I could not just walk off, though I had really finished my meal. I reached for my wallet, wanted to shove 5 dollars in her hands before I go. But I was afraid that she would not accept it. Sigh. "Don't think too much, just give.", Holy Spirit spoke again. The Malay women was mumbling something about 2 to me, maybe she was saying she needed 2 dollars, maybe her plate of rice cost her 2 dollars, I was not sure. Alright, I got it. She might reject 5 dollars, maybe not 2 dollars. Last move, I placed 2 dollars in her palms, asked her to eat more in Bahasa and went off. She smiled and said "kam(2) sia(3" to me again. While walking off, I did not turn to look at her again. I was thinking if I see her again, I will give her more each time. How nice if we could have a hearty meal together some day. God's will that we sat at the same table today. God's will that she had made my day, like how I might have made her day too.

spurn

Max Gatsby couldn’t really sit still. It was meant as a time of contemplation, but her concentration was furtively sneaking out of her mind. Examining her soul, she found an abyss of dark mess that formed a gulf between her bone and marrow. Breathing out of it was a greater pull of determination. His face was a blur. She was bent on recalling that face, hoping for details to surface in her vision soon. Time was not in her favour. It was time to unleash herself. Her thoughts began to waft, and her soul glided along the coast of consciousness. She had forgotten loneliness.

Through the window, she was the guise of an invalid on the bed. She was cursing on her husband's face with words of unforgettable reproach. He made a nervous circuit of his house and ran for that thick tree trunk with leaves hanging like capes top down. The gates were rusty with age. There was no escape, except for a flung towards the atream downhill. No time to lit a pipe or stain his teeth with coffee,only one minute before she climbs down the ladder and wakes the entire Greenwich town up with her violent curses.

When every vestige of embarrassment over the gold ring was over, she heaved a breath in the crowd of ladies nibbling on cookies and men bristling over the Nordics. The silhouette of a moving cat wavered across the gloomy moonlight. At that moment, she saw him. A familiar figure leisurely walking towards her indifferent embrace.

are these Dreams?

these days, I feel that Somebody is my golden finger, my trump card and the best boyfriend one can ever find =)

me and my best fren, joanna ho 2007

the very reason why she is my very best friend is because she deserves to be. she is the best i can ever find on earth.

290707 dinner was so goody

haha.. finally got my "LV" "bag"

sorry for being angsty. God's words always weigh heavier and are absolute wisdom.

I lost my dream, have you seen it?
today I learnt that faith arises only when there is a Vision. God, take my broken fragments and piece it back to your home.

a try at being aggressive

Confessions of a schizo red bean bun:

Abrasion point 1: How come you are still studying? You have been studying all this time..

Abrasion point 2: When are you getting married? Started planning?

I feel like a total scrub. Wait. I have been Waiting. Wait may be God’s greatest gift but it is also a throbbing and not so painless one. All these years, I have Waited, waited to figure out what I actually want in life, waited to hone my skills as an artist or at least some art personnel, and complete my studies so that I can get a Grand pay every month. I have Waited, by wishfully thinking I have met the one, by offering to go through thick and thin with them, by giving of myself only to get stabbed right through the heart, by falling in and out of love, until Somebody surprisingly came. I growl at my abrasions points which irk me completely because I do not know what I have actually made out of this period of Waiting. Fruits? It has been fruitless at least, for the past few months. I have worked, prayed, engaged, sacrificed my time, efforts, sweat and tears, but hearts are not turned around, and lives are not at all changed. I feel like a loser spot-on at the finishing line. Am I always trying to light a fire with two pieces of wet stones? 2 years of extra-study is not just some overtime work, neither is it an extended holiday. It is a stoppage to my life. When I thought that I could start off marriage before starting work, now I have the possibility tackle with them both, at the same time. Are my ideals too unrealistic? Can I actually be a happy bride? Is these 2 years also warring against my soul to stop my seeking for perfection? Do I really have to Wait? Will Wait give me more than I can ever imagine? Knock off the clock before my heart sleeps tonight. Shut me up won’t you?

"Our lips and teeth are so close, and yet sometimes we accidentally bite our lips. Does this mean we should pull out our teeth?"

-Alex Soh, Singapore

The perfect mould of imperfection

Have you ever been busy thinking through others’ problems and realize that you are actually busy with your own hole of business? The week is coming to an end, and I am still fighting with the same old thing because it has yet to be resolved. So much that I wish I could just erase it off my memory and convince myself that it is just a bad nightmarish dream. So much that I wish I can photo-shop truth, when the scales of justice are perpetually shaky and not falling into my embrace. I realize that I have been disabled from what I am actually created to be able about, like a twig snapping into two. There are many voices that are talking into me, and I know that what is happening is lesser than a speck in the whole span of eternity. And I know that slowly, I am giving it up, not because I am persuaded into saying that I have lost, but that I know that if I were to keep on fighting, this moral poison will just be rust onto my sword of righteousness, and I can no longer be a lethal weapon anymore. Angers, disappointments are just part of this canvas, and I need to paint them white all over right now. Stop and start again. Why am I so foolish to make myself think and re-think it through umpteen times, as though I am preparing for a grand speech the next day when it is simply a miniscule glitch of life? Simply, this is the emptiness of lies that is corroding my soul. When I look at somebody, I know that we are still very much alone in our spheres of existence. Being in different phases of life makes me so much inferior, he seems to be on the right path of thoughts and behavior while I am just wallowing in my own liters of tears and a crying heart. How many times must I tell myself each day that “this is not the time”? My voice just repetitively hits the ceiling and bounces back. I am anxious about being in the right state of matters, just to avert the pain of the present. But I know there are still milestones ahead, barriers to climb, walls to tumble. Will I be more than a conqueror then? Will I have an unstoppable force and unshakeable faith in me? So that come what may, I will still run for God? I can. I know I can. I believe I can. I can because I had done it before. So why am I still so caught up in this bed of cringes, fears and troubles? Envy is not the solution, living it out is the reality of faith.

160707 it's about sri, me and alen

150507 We cut an album

Somebody gave me 2 sweet gifts today- a new keyboard for the computer and a necklace from diva. i love them, thanks Somebody. maybe i'm just stubborn in changing my keyboard; but well, i saved up to buy it a year ago.. heh.the whole moe stint was driving me really frustrated but im glad that in faith and trust, things seem to be looking up as long as i stay firm on my grounds. it is a new semester ahead of me, new commitments and responsibilities. fresh work of God, something new in my heart, yeah!

memories will stay

these days.. i have been losing pictures. this is the only one left out of many.maybe God is teaching me something. presenting to u my dear bro's birthday dinner at fish & co , the glasshouse. 090707

an ocean route

punctured corridor of time
rationalizes systems, speech
much to decipher
but growing crampy, bloated with questions
it appeared being held together in the way
a miserable rut of sloppiness
and suddenly made a stringed puppet
shuffled in immobility
it was never fair foam and clean smooth gel
but a smell that obviated that need
and a pat skiing on his neck
desperate to drop
into a pit
very
small
and the punctured corridor

tussling over past works that denote only tears, sweat and blood was tiring for the soul. like ants gnawing at every inch of the heart, the pain within the tummy's flesh scootered for miles. in the course of earning merit to get by, i fumbled with emotions as though they were messed, crushed in the box. breathing on the moist of his lips was tastier than the juiciest mango. Quenched, the day began when all dreams returned to the graveyard and flew on in the luggage of possibilities. music could not speak more but the tunes lingered and rested on life's ledge.

ARTache

strumming till no more tears in heaven

hehe... somebody bought a new wife, this proud guitar. its a real nice cool Johnson guitar thats made to sound like pre-war Martins. life is so wonderful worshipping God together with this guitar. im thrilled! excited! and so overwhelmed by God's power!! To eternity we come!

and the God chasers in LaSalle SIA

old sckool days in LaSalle SIA

well, u can check out this product at www.pinkmagic.com.sg.
i had a free trial of pinkmagic today. it left my a pink patch on my left hand the whole day. it is amazing how WE as girls want to have pink rosy cheeks, and matte pink kissable lips... and the other pinkish parts of the female body. this is like THE only definition of beauty. as a pink lover, i do enjoy looking and feeling pink. but this little product is way too dumb, and too expensive. it's time to have other pink alternatives, pirates!

water too little

It’s back to school for somebody. It’s also like the end of holidays for me.. the end of a long sweet dream. My plans for july are not confirmed yet, this leaves me with much doubt and questioning how I am going to get back. I am still pretty tired from the camp and everything, the past week of state of recovery does not really seem to help. I wish I can always sleep till no tomorrow. ..i’m finding a pair of shoes, my shoes are taking turns to break up these days. So I hope I can find a pair before the GST hike rushes in. and maybe another pair of jeans too.but these days, there’s skinny jeans all around and I so hate them.. don’t people wear normal jeans anymore?so these are my very shallow thoughts for july 2007.

Beautiful in God's eyes

When the house of God is not about anything or whatever.

Church camp REVIVAL has ended, so is the TURI RESORT batam trip over the weekend.

Do you really love God or just the gifts He has to offer?
I found a release of my soul that was encased in a small world through the past week. Away from the floods of noises, I had perfect solace worshipping God and listening patiently to His word throughout, more geared up also because I was in the warm presence of His beloved chosen people. I have learnt a big deal on how making wise decisions can be often painful and how God can melt one’s defenses in the face of His wonders. Opening up my relationship with somebody was a form of happiness and freedom, getting closer to my church pals was a breakthrough of gold. And my little reminiscing of friendships…Though physically, there was not much of rest, there was livid energy of God’s power that spills out of my veins to fellowship, to lead and to love. I hold scared each moment relishing in the garden walk with God and how He can exalt my horn and extend his hand of favor to every corner of my life, more importantly, is the reminder that we are all created for more. I heard God call to me at the last day of camp that I was not borne to be just an art teacher; my destiny will overcome the rags of worldly disasters. Though obedience can be gut-wrenching, the rewards of obedience will come only if I listen and follow, just like Noah who chose to listen to God’s outlandish request of building an ark in his culture. Though he was slandered and insulted to build an ark in dry land, Noah was named by God as righteous and blameless, one who had truly walked with God. So I will obey, so that my light will not be shut off, and not be a salt that loses its saltiness. God desires us to reach from His hand to His face, like how Jacob did, from Bethel to Penei , and His love language teaching us to treat Him like an honored guest in our own rabbit holes, love the blesser and not the blessings and to love His people, because that’s what he loves most!

Isn’t it magnificent, the wonders of His great love? Can we find it anywhere else? No, no, no. When we don’t scale the heights of Godly love and live the way He wants us to, we forfeit the light we have, we give up the degree of His protection and guidance and answers to our prayers. Prayers are not just about talking to God; it is about experiencing Him totally, immersed completely. It is the end of my mountain top experience, but my soul is filled to its peak.

http://www.myheritage.com

life is..

Writing about life is broad. Yet writing must always be about life. Life is a piece of performance, it is fleeting and it ceases in a short while in the span of eternity. Life excites and disappoints, life occupies and departs. Life is equivocating to the human soul, and life goes beyond comprehension. Everyone has a different version of what life is, because it is viewed scrupulously in different perspectives. If life is a gift, it is a mystery gift that is impossible to unravel in the capacity of a human’s intelligence. If life a full wholesome sentence, it is a long joining sentence that is heavily punctuated. If life is a winding river, it is a river that meanders slowly through the oceans and continents of the gigantic universe. If life is a miracle, it will break, amaze and impress the ignorance of humans. If life is a marketplace, it must bustle with noises and deafen one’s ears. If life is a story, it is one with an inexplicable beginning and abrupt ending. If life is a running race, it must define its top runners and losers respectively in an impartial manner. If life is valuable currency, it should be kept protected in the vintage treasure chest in the Carribean seas. If life is a pirated memory, it must be of borrowed experiences and momentary feelings. If life is an exotic strange fruit, it should be sweet-tasting and lingers on the taste buds of every tongue. If life is a pause, it will pause here. Right now and here.