fine between the lines

Just some indelible recording of residual thoughts..
Yesterday, kit's message broke dawn and made me flummoxed for the next 12 hours. I couldnt comprehend for a long time, why he had noticed that I have stopped blogging. Although I really have a slackingly fragile memory, I do recall that I have updated my blog before I hit the sack the previous night. .
The day was stifled with routines, met up with my childhood friend, Yongli, (I still didnt understand why the cafe propped us with cappucino in a latte glass, and latte in a cappucino cup, what a cute mix-up) before I jottered down to Labculture at substation. Though I didnt want to go initially, I was glad I did anyway. Glad because I got to chat with ka5 finally, and rejoiced in the heart that he has moved on and is doing really well. Thoughts of Joanna flooded to mind, and receded me to the substation in Lasalle, where the 3 of us will squeeze time between classes to meet and chat. Joanna has grown distant because of her marriage life, while ka5 and I are still conversing in the same language of art. After dinner with the rest, Julie and I met pretty Hana at Boat Quay for a drink before we returned to Perumal. In her studio, we heard the sound of an accident right in the far front of her balcony. I tell you, I abhor this sound that pierced so familiar like that of my very accident. The night went by with Julie on her powerbook and me sketching rigorously beside.
The taxi and the lorry drivers were still shooting tirades two hours later and I am hurt that people love to wound each other so much. Why cant people bury hatchets, and shake hands in peace? must it always be the win-lose situation that boosts one's ego and gratifies the desires of the flesh? by what law are they living by?
Met Edwin today and dwadled over to his house to watch a DVD-Rashomon, together. But I fell asleep towards the end, cos I was darn plagued with fatigue. Although it was a goof-off time of slothing on a Thursday afternoon, it was also a superexcellent time of talking on his bed. I must pray that he emerges well from this ordeal. poor boy.
Activities battered me really exhausted and bleary. My inner introvert self is wailing broken. it is neccessitous for her own breathing space for herself now..
God, I am sorry that I have lost reverencing you for these days of being bustled with activities. I am sorry that I have spent lesser time with you and have conveniently disposed you at times. I am even more sorry that I have been immersing myself in thoughts of him than you and I ask for your grace to perfect me once again. Whatever it may take, I ask for your love to endure this renovation process in me as I toil to live by your spirit. Let the knowledge of you as my Lord be a familiar restrain in my life so that I will not sidetrack easily, and live merely to support my own dreams. I am weak and prone to falling, so God, I pray for your sobering reminder. I do not want to use your name glibly or in a profanely way, but in a magnifying way for your holiness.
I so very very much yearn to be in your loving arms again.