Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Chronicles of Nat II


You have trained your mind too well.

To feel guilty - little of it or alot of it.

I have a narrow range of emotions.

I did not know I have 9 other rooms in my life.

I stayed at the basement.

And blamed myself.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Chronicles of Nat

On 20 November this year, I visited Dr Mark. A psychologist. At school of counseling in The Bible College at 9 Adam Road.
My first time for mental therapy.
To me, this is the first step to recovery.
I think I am being positive enough at this stage.

Very effectively, he pointed out that my perfectionist attitude towards life has narrowed my worldview to a few options in life. I have hence become a problem-focused person. In a familiar setting for the past few years, be in school, church or a kind of routine lifestyle that I have been, any drastic change has caused me to be very much shaken. My fixed or perfect image of things has hence been greatly shattered. This explains why I became so depressed and a big dent in my confidence when my hair met with her trauma. And that I did not get out of one problem after another. This habit of mind that I have could well be around since the last 12 years. The objective of this therapy is to break this habit of mind. Dr Mark says that I need to begin nurturing my needs and have a curiosity towards learning and anticipate growth, so that I can really grow and make meaning through this experience.

6months or 1 year ahead.... It looks really long and unbearable.