Tuesday, July 31, 2007

are these Dreams?

these days, I feel that Somebody is my golden finger, my trump card and the best boyfriend one can ever find =)

me and my best fren, joanna ho 2007

the very reason why she is my very best friend is because she deserves to be. she is the best i can ever find on earth.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

290707 dinner was so goody

haha.. finally got my "LV" "bag"

sorry for being angsty. God's words always weigh heavier and are absolute wisdom.

I lost my dream, have you seen it?
today I learnt that faith arises only when there is a Vision. God, take my broken fragments and piece it back to your home.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

a try at being aggressive

Confessions of a schizo red bean bun:

Abrasion point 1: How come you are still studying? You have been studying all this time..

Abrasion point 2: When are you getting married? Started planning?

I feel like a total scrub. Wait. I have been Waiting. Wait may be God’s greatest gift but it is also a throbbing and not so painless one. All these years, I have Waited, waited to figure out what I actually want in life, waited to hone my skills as an artist or at least some art personnel, and complete my studies so that I can get a Grand pay every month. I have Waited, by wishfully thinking I have met the one, by offering to go through thick and thin with them, by giving of myself only to get stabbed right through the heart, by falling in and out of love, until Somebody surprisingly came. I growl at my abrasions points which irk me completely because I do not know what I have actually made out of this period of Waiting. Fruits? It has been fruitless at least, for the past few months. I have worked, prayed, engaged, sacrificed my time, efforts, sweat and tears, but hearts are not turned around, and lives are not at all changed. I feel like a loser spot-on at the finishing line. Am I always trying to light a fire with two pieces of wet stones? 2 years of extra-study is not just some overtime work, neither is it an extended holiday. It is a stoppage to my life. When I thought that I could start off marriage before starting work, now I have the possibility tackle with them both, at the same time. Are my ideals too unrealistic? Can I actually be a happy bride? Is these 2 years also warring against my soul to stop my seeking for perfection? Do I really have to Wait? Will Wait give me more than I can ever imagine? Knock off the clock before my heart sleeps tonight. Shut me up won’t you?

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

"Our lips and teeth are so close, and yet sometimes we accidentally bite our lips. Does this mean we should pull out our teeth?"

-Alex Soh, Singapore

Friday, July 20, 2007

The perfect mould of imperfection

Have you ever been busy thinking through others’ problems and realize that you are actually busy with your own hole of business? The week is coming to an end, and I am still fighting with the same old thing because it has yet to be resolved. So much that I wish I could just erase it off my memory and convince myself that it is just a bad nightmarish dream. So much that I wish I can photo-shop truth, when the scales of justice are perpetually shaky and not falling into my embrace. I realize that I have been disabled from what I am actually created to be able about, like a twig snapping into two. There are many voices that are talking into me, and I know that what is happening is lesser than a speck in the whole span of eternity. And I know that slowly, I am giving it up, not because I am persuaded into saying that I have lost, but that I know that if I were to keep on fighting, this moral poison will just be rust onto my sword of righteousness, and I can no longer be a lethal weapon anymore. Angers, disappointments are just part of this canvas, and I need to paint them white all over right now. Stop and start again. Why am I so foolish to make myself think and re-think it through umpteen times, as though I am preparing for a grand speech the next day when it is simply a miniscule glitch of life? Simply, this is the emptiness of lies that is corroding my soul. When I look at somebody, I know that we are still very much alone in our spheres of existence. Being in different phases of life makes me so much inferior, he seems to be on the right path of thoughts and behavior while I am just wallowing in my own liters of tears and a crying heart. How many times must I tell myself each day that “this is not the time”? My voice just repetitively hits the ceiling and bounces back. I am anxious about being in the right state of matters, just to avert the pain of the present. But I know there are still milestones ahead, barriers to climb, walls to tumble. Will I be more than a conqueror then? Will I have an unstoppable force and unshakeable faith in me? So that come what may, I will still run for God? I can. I know I can. I believe I can. I can because I had done it before. So why am I still so caught up in this bed of cringes, fears and troubles? Envy is not the solution, living it out is the reality of faith.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Friday, July 13, 2007

Somebody gave me 2 sweet gifts today- a new keyboard for the computer and a necklace from diva. i love them, thanks Somebody. maybe i'm just stubborn in changing my keyboard; but well, i saved up to buy it a year ago.. heh.the whole moe stint was driving me really frustrated but im glad that in faith and trust, things seem to be looking up as long as i stay firm on my grounds. it is a new semester ahead of me, new commitments and responsibilities. fresh work of God, something new in my heart, yeah!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

memories will stay

these days.. i have been losing pictures. this is the only one left out of many.maybe God is teaching me something. presenting to u my dear bro's birthday dinner at fish & co , the glasshouse. 090707

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

an ocean route

punctured corridor of time
rationalizes systems, speech
much to decipher
but growing crampy, bloated with questions
it appeared being held together in the way
a miserable rut of sloppiness
and suddenly made a stringed puppet
shuffled in immobility
it was never fair foam and clean smooth gel
but a smell that obviated that need
and a pat skiing on his neck
desperate to drop
into a pit
and the punctured corridor

Monday, July 09, 2007

tussling over past works that denote only tears, sweat and blood was tiring for the soul. like ants gnawing at every inch of the heart, the pain within the tummy's flesh scootered for miles. in the course of earning merit to get by, i fumbled with emotions as though they were messed, crushed in the box. breathing on the moist of his lips was tastier than the juiciest mango. Quenched, the day began when all dreams returned to the graveyard and flew on in the luggage of possibilities. music could not speak more but the tunes lingered and rested on life's ledge.

Monday, July 02, 2007

strumming till no more tears in heaven

hehe... somebody bought a new wife, this proud guitar. its a real nice cool Johnson guitar thats made to sound like pre-war Martins. life is so wonderful worshipping God together with this guitar. im thrilled! excited! and so overwhelmed by God's power!! To eternity we come!

and the God chasers in LaSalle SIA

old sckool days in LaSalle SIA