Monday, April 30, 2007

thank God nat killed mat

thank God she is now under the rug.
i threw all that she had taught away so that i won't be traumatised anymore.
i have been so 'off' these days.
missed m1 fringe fest, got invited to Bucheon International Performance Art Festival (BIPAF) for august.
i want to be so invisible.

nat takes only memories-- i want to be always happy =p

trish is leaving...

these are my two dearest frens from the TWSS BTs. the days in TWSS has slipped into the past in the form of a memory, but the friendship marks the present, which validates life today.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

some people are just foolish.
they don't deserve your time.
even those you think are connected by blood ties.
foolishness and blind.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

The true nature of human condition

"I have a God. I navigate between dichotomies in this relationship with him. Sometimes I forget about him, sometimes I need him more than anything. Most of the time, I put him at limbo. Between my actions and my faith, it appears visibly to be so at odds. Excuses are predominantly around. I try to denonce everything by claiming that it is the heart that matters when I already have a corrupted heart and mind in so doing. I am moving beyond consciousness. Pride comes when in arguments and debates, I like to make him my defense and for personal glory, I want to label myself with this God. I always think I want to remember how much goodness and faithfulness he has given, and I always forget to remember. I take his forgiveness for free and try hard to push him away, pretending he is not around. I feel angry at the people he has created and wonder hard why he is always so cold to the disorders of the falling world. I am yet thankful to find his warm grace in the lives of many I have stumbled across. I want to be asleep with his words in the night, but I lose control and let fantasies replace them. I think I want to meditate on his words, but the techno bully tempts me more. And so I give in. I keep saying I am not perfect to justify things. It is irrational. And then again, I am so imperfect."

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Way back into Love from music n lyrics

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on 

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind 

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh 

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs

I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere 

I've been looking for someone to shed some light

Not just somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions 

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end 

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation 

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do

And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The woes of every human

stitch the penultimate slumber in a sequestered life
dream the incessant degeneration in a defunct life
iron the miscellaneous insults in an impinging life
cure the punching cartharsis in a candid life
and choose to
love the infinite lies in this little life

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

my life is not running linear

this is the time of the first half year of 2007 that i have to pack my ass for the examinations.. running against all odds to finish my revision before i get to philippines.
and a postcard from sweden makes the heart very glad.