Wednesday, December 17, 2008

161208 Timbre and Us

me, maddy and joe - 3 pints of erdinger, kilkenny and my seafood platter.
Dear Anonymous,

Knowing you is like learning that I have lived my life wrong from the start. If more words are going to be contained here,I am afraid these words will cut us up into pieces like a ribbon.

Today I send you bright red for the festive season and new year.

From: Anonymous's

Monday, December 15, 2008

Dear Anonymous,

I have been thinking. Such preoccupations explain the nightmares I had the previous nights. Your last memory in my mind has not faded much and the raindrops did not yet, carry it away. Although I wish to see you soon, I know the misery like a friend. It lingers on. Far from beautiful, for many reasons, I could only catch sight of you in my thoughts. Where is the magnetic affinity we used to possess? Has it been inadvertently hidden under your pillow or beneath my tears? This separation was, or is, amicable. At least we choose to believe it so.

Those days of us were cloaked with uninhibited exchanges. Sometimes, you were the composer and I, the audience. Often, the roles were exchanged. There was a kind of nonchalance about you that was silly and endearing. Your idiosyncrasy could hardly be replaced. I am smiling when I write about this. I feel so teased by you. When I heard that song, I stammered a disengaged thanks in my breath. So I presume those words sung were a proof of your thoughts. Alas, they smashed hopes like crushing stones.

I don’t desire just a dream. You are perhaps, something wonderful to which my faith clings. But for now, I wish a kind hand will wipe my pain away. If one lifetime is not enough for two human beings to explore the cosmos between them, then it is so unfortunate that we had only one sunrise and dusk with us. It was those moments which had enveloped us. This feeling – allied with a great sense of regret, is enclosed within this letter.

I send you a tinge of quiet pink today to commemorate a silence. You have entered and disappeared into my life. And it could only be anonymous.

Signing off,
Anonymous’s friend

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Honey in the Moon

Cebu, Philippines, 2nd to 7th Dec 2008

Once again, I was on Philippines land. This time, it was the honeymoon mood that takes over. No rush for things, or to be busy looking out for possible sites and materials. The honeymoon was needed to take my mind off many many things. It could make me burst into rapturous emotions, just being able to be away from Singapore, even for a little while. Shutter-happy was the usual, I could snap everything just to preserve these memories. And sleep dominated the beginning of the trip, perhaps we were too tired from the wedding and the body was crying out for some kind of rest. We figured it might be the bed in Maribago - the sleep-induced mattress. But it was funny how the bed creaked each time we lie on it.

Security was tight in every corner of Cebu, our Maribago resort was an enclosed one with tall gates and guards with shotguns and pistols were on-duty 24 7. It at least, made us feel saf-er. Eventually, we gave in to signing up for a day tour in Mactan city as there were not much we could do within the resort except to wine and make merry. So the day came when we went to the guitar and ukulele factories and saw a wide array of these instruments that were handmade by the people. I took delight in just filming them in a factory production line, handcrafting the guitars.
After which, we went through a little history about Mactan- Cebu –between Lapu Lapu and Magellan in the battle of Mactan in 1521. Like what tourists should do, we visited Lapu Lapu’s shrine. The rest of the days were filled with the spa that we promised to reward ourselves with, shopping and walking around before we packed up for the last 2 days at Cebu city where we booked into Crown Regency Hotel.

Upon reaching the city, to our dismay, the hotel was still U.C. (under construction), so you can imagine the lack of facilities and so on. But, the good thing was that it REALLY was right smacked in the centre of town. And we could from the map, worked out exactly where we wanted to go for the remaining 2 days. The big joy to me was when we walked all the way to the Carbon Market which is near Ermita. I love the colours and the life over there. Pushcart peddlers and fishmongers who travelled on foot, selling their ware. It was a fresh insight into life in the Philippines, although there was some similarity with the market I went to in Baguio last year.

With the shopping and photo-taking, the trip ended and we returned with satisfied hearts. Of course, the reality of married life will slowly unfold and there are moments which we can call a blast.

Monday, November 17, 2008


On the way to the wedding day, and finally packed a large bulk of my stuff. I am getting ready to plunge into a new beginning. It is so strange how everything I was once looking so forward to, has finally come. A new school to teach in, a new house to live in, with somebody. My heart can be pounding really hard at times, when I ask myself, “how can i?” How can I do all these things that are just an inch ahead of me? And how am I going to do them? I looked back with so much agony that I had gone through just to live the Singapore dream. My sweat, my tears and the encapsulation of my life experiences had actually brought me this far to begin a teaching career in pioneer jc as the only art teacher around. Hungry I can be, hungry for new things, yet hungry for a momentum which I won’t get tipped off balance. It is back to work in the seemingly real world again, the treachery of an overloaded timetable and the whole game of being acquainted with new colleagues again. The retreat last Sat showed me the grace of God. God had gone this far to prepare the ground for me. Soft and fertile, I know this is a springboard for me to jump once again. A teacher who can drop bits of life into other’ lives, and to be a missionary at this workplace. How I long to be in that position! Do what I am best in. That perhaps is beyond teaching. Could I ever?

I will run to you

Your eye is on the sparrow
And Your hand, it comforts me
From the ends of the Earth to the depth of my heart
Let Your mercy and strength be seen

You call me to Your purpose
As angels understand
For Your glory, may You draw all men
As Your love and grace demand

And I will run to You
To Your words of truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the spirit of God
Yes I will run the race
'Till I see Your face
Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace

Friday, November 14, 2008


For God my heart will sing
For God my heart will pray
For God my heart will glorify
Abandon my all

For God my heart will praise
For God my heart will cry
For God my heart will magnify
Abandon to you

Abandon, oh abandon
Abandon to surrender
Abandon to my Lord Jesus
My all to you

Abandon, oh abandon
Abandon to surrender
Abandon to my Lord Jesus
My all to you

Lesson for the heart

It has been this long since I last felt a wrench in my heart. It was songs that moved me last night. heartfelt godly songs from my brothers, that of bleeding lyrics and desperate cries -- the irrepressible energy which could only be divine. I needed to be touched and comforted once again, for times had been of disappointment and humility when I have to put others before myself. The throwing away of the usual self-glorification to look at and look out for others. the self-importance that crowns me must go.

This is a lesson for the heart where tears become invisible, where speaking to God can be fearful, deliberated and too shy. But this is too, my cry in the darkest of nights. This loneliness, has bothered me. At any cost, I must give back my heart to God.
In my thoughts offered to God,
abandon became the key to unlock the locked floods of emotions:


For God, my heart will sing.
For God, my heart will pray.
For God, my heart will glorify.
Abandon is my devotion.

For God, my heart will praise.
For God, my heart will cry.
For God, my heart will magnify.
Abandon is my conviction.

Abandon oh abandon, abandon to surrender.
Abandon to my Lord Jesus
(to be contd)

Friday, October 31, 2008

The Story of Faith

Take me there, and bring me where you will lead.
“Without faith it is impossible to please Him.”
Hebrews 11:6
So where does faith begin? Faith begins with the abstract knowledge of God.
When does it become real?
When it translates to reality.
When we know Jesus.
Faith turns into fact.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1-2
When common sense fails
Faith turns into the unexplainable.
Take me there, and bring me beyond the shores.
“….if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
Matthew 17:33
I will believe.
Every little counts.

251008 At Kamal's Hse

Our Little Kingdom

Friday, October 17, 2008


I read a novel last night, within a span of 2 hours. I had not done it at such a speed for so long a time. It was a familiarity that enfolded me, and words that apprised me to occupy my mind with something else such as this. The English Teacher by R.K. Narayan . Through the novel, I pondered over some gentle thoughts. It had been aeons. I had been ruthless to myself like how Krishna’s wife, Susila, had treated herself. Possibly, I could be like her. After Susila had passed away, she was determined to communicate and connect the life and afterlife worlds together. She finally could say to Krishna the things she never breathed a word of when she was alive. She became wiser, and he became enlightened. That immutable joy, of both being deeper in love than ever.

Communication is to love what blood is to life
Intimacy requires effective communication

Communicate, even after death. How forceful are these words.
My heart asunder. The back of my mind came alive. Could I have found a ladder in the abyss only to experience it crumbling on my way out ? Or was it a blade of grass I was hanging on to at the brink of the well? It was only the veriest straw that I saw that made me thought I was on land. No, I was drowning. I could have drowned.

I was awarded the most dashing dressing table last night. A surprise gift that was lovingly designed made and planned. It is his heart that spoke of such a love for me.He told me. Like the way we celebrated my birthday in the house that I am going to stay for a long time, now I have something that he had created specially for me in this beautiful house. I can’t wait to show and tell the world. Envy will make your day. Every detail of our house is posh and chi-chi and is (mine!! ours!!) It is a house of love. A sweet love that I can snuggle in comfort. A home I can go back to. The way it is because of what we wanted. It had followed the plan well. We are great partners-in-actions, the best pair of collaborators.

It is time to move. A change of environment is healthy for the mind and soul.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Friday, September 26, 2008

250908 My birthday that came a bit earlier


Sunday, September 21, 2008

190908 weibin's and 210908 denjz's wedding

the heart and the mind, I did not know how strange and unfathomable they could be. Fate.

Look at us. Ten years from then and from now. Are we the same still?