Saturday, September 30, 2006

sin is like the crafty adulteress -- GUARD YOUR HEART

Proverbs 7

Warning Against the Adulteress

1 My son, keep my words
and store up my commands within you.
2 Keep my commands and you will live;
guard my teachings as the apple of your eye.
3 Bind them on your fingers;
write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 Say to wisdom, "You are my sister,"
and call understanding your kinsman;
5 they will keep you from the adulteress,
from the wayward wife with her seductive words.
6 At the window of my house
I looked out through the lattice.
7 I saw among the simple,
I noticed among the young men,
a youth who lacked judgment.
8 He was going down the street near her corner,
walking along in the direction of her house
9 at twilight, as the day was fading,
as the dark of night set in.
10 Then out came a woman to meet him,
dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent.
11 (She is loud and defiant,
her feet never stay at home;
12 now in the street, now in the squares,
at every corner she lurks.)
13 She took hold of him and kissed him
and with a brazen face she said:
14 "I have fellowship offerings at home;
today I fulfilled my vows.
15 So I came out to meet you;
I looked for you and have found you!
16 I have covered my bed
with colored linens from Egypt.
17 I have perfumed my bed
with myrrh, aloes and cinnamon.
18 Come, let's drink deep of love till morning;
let's enjoy ourselves with love!
19 My husband is not at home;
he has gone on a long journey.
20 He took his purse filled with money
and will not be home till full moon."
21 With persuasive words she led him astray;
she seduced him with her smooth talk.
22 All at once he followed her
like an ox going to the slaughter,
like a deer stepping into a noose
23 till an arrow pierces his liver,
like a bird darting into a snare,
little knowing it will cost him his life.
24 Now then, my sons, listen to me;
pay attention to what I say.
25 Do not let your heart turn to her ways
or stray into her paths.
26 Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng.
27 Her house is a highway to the grave,
leading down to the chambers of death.

Friday, September 29, 2006

as the sweet hymn goes

Room at The Cross

The cross upon which Jesus died
Is a shelter in which we can hide
And its grace so free is sufficient for me
And deep is its fountain as wide as the sea.

There's room at the cross for you
There's room at the cross for you
Though millions have come, there's still room for one
Yes there's room at the cross for you.

Though millions have found him a friend
And have turned from the sins they have sinned
The Savior still waits to open the gates
And welcome a sinner before it's too late.

There's room at the cross for you
There's room at the cross for you
Though millions have come, there's still room for one
Yes there's room at the cross for you.

The hand of my Savior is strong
And the love of my Savior is long
Through sunshine or rain, through loss or in gain,
The blood flows from Calvary to cleanse every stain.

There's room at the cross for you
There's room at the cross for you
Though millions have come, there's still room for one
Yes there's room at the cross for you.

"And, having made peace through the blood of his cross,by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say,whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven." Colossians 1:20

PS: I thank God for a soul saved yesterday and continue to pray for those who have not.

favourite verse

"However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him-"

1 Corinthians 2:9

Thursday, September 28, 2006

The story of somebody II

Because somebody doesn’t question much of what you do or do not do, somebody says wise words good enough to smitten and makes sure your emotions doesn’t grow out of proportion. Somebody walks the extra mile for you and never feels it a burden. Somebody will not let you cry. Somebody doesn’t get bored of spending time with you and looks forward to meet you after each time. Somebody loves and respects you, really for who you are, and doesn’t ask for things beyond you. Because you love somebody, you cannot make somebody into who you want. Because somebody is almost all that you are not, somebody makes life never the same again. As God leads you and somebody into a beautiful union, you can only love somebody more when you love God more.

In all things, look to God.

“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." 1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV)

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Enter... Exit

Without somebody, I will love God all the same

Sunday, September 24, 2006

The Clown Makes People Laugh, But He Is Sad.

Friday, September 22, 2006


I watched “Diaspora” at Esplanade yesterday. I like the part on My Personal Diaspora by Janice Koh. True, do we really make diasporas of ourselves eventually regardless of the lineage of predecessors we came from? Maybe we are all “diasporadic” in our great own sense. My one week break is coming. I felt very punctured yesterday after submitting my literature journal. I have never read so many books and written so many essays over a month in the past 23 years. It was quite a feat for me and I am so relieved at least half of it is over. I need the same drive, motivation and even passion to go on for the next semester and the next, the next. I am going to teach a performance art workshop today at the Substation, and I have to meet the Sydney curator and have a TAV meeting after. Today is far too busy for me, I need to trim down abit. I wish it will be over soon. It is my big black bag again, Colin Reaney always says “it’s the big black bag again”. Everytime I do a performance or conduct a workshop, it is the big black bag I will carry along. Julie does that too. I won’t say it is our fetish, but it is what I carry along, just like what I want to carry along in this path of life, knowing that it will bring me somewhere, albeit greater things. I did the most unbelievable thing yesterday by being the most honest. At 3:30 am this morning, I realize that no matter how beautiful love can be, no love can overtake the love shown by His nail-pierced hands.

Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

John 20:29

Thursday, September 21, 2006

thanks for saying

"There are many kinds of love, Natasha. My love for you is something I experience as a gift; knowing you is a privilege. Whom we fall in love with is a matter of the heart, not the mind and cannot be explained by reason. Falling in love is also always a risk that we take if we have the courage to be willing to live with the consequences of unrequited love."

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

I have been brooding over some things for some time...

Not a second of melancholy

Every AED lesson is always very inspiring. Here is a quote that caught my eyes today.

“The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.”
William Arthur Ward

Increasingly, I am drawn nearer to the whole idea of teaching. But if you were to ask me, if teaching is a profession or a vocation, I would say that it is both. Not just a vocation alone. Day in day out, I think of my students all too often.

Jennifer had a bad start for today. She actually screamed at her HOD.. “Shit man..” When I was listening to her, I understood perfectly why she did that. The HOD was over-demanding to ask her to be culpable for something she could not even recall. Honestly, out of the 1000 drawings you have marked, will you even remember who drew a durian? Up till now, the HOD is still pressing her for the CA marks. So many missed calls and SMSes in a day. If I were Jennifer, I would have.. Well, tensions with HOD is really inevitable, but one smart advice, is to win his/her heart. I still have to work hard in this ministry.

Before I end off this entry, I want to write about my Best Friends in NIE canteen. They are the Malay couple and the Auntie fruitsellers. Over the past two years, I have established very good relations with them, maximizing my sanguine temperament. Kai Ming joked before that the Malay couple might have eaten too much of their own sardine and hotdog rolls, and not to forget the samosas. The Malay auntie seems too lazy to move even a bit. Nonetheless, I love them and they love me a lot too. It’s not about them charging me cheaper than others, giving me more food, or always calling me ‘sayang’, ‘pretty’, it is that they are very genuine to me. Though I don’t have much of chance to chit chat with them often, it is good enough to help them buy drinks when they need to, to find out how they are, I remember the Malay uncle used to tell me those NTU ghost stories which I had shared with my classmates to freak each other out. Sometimes I wish I can mould them into a pair of sculptures like those by Duane Hansen, to freeze them in a moment of time, to capture their facial expressions in the most intimate way. For the Auntie fruitsellers, they are really nice people. There was a time when I was helping her to translate what she wanted to convey to some Indian students. Well, I hope I did a good job though. Above all, I know one thing, is that, my smiles never fail to cheer up their days.

It is these little bits of life that makes my days joyous and being celebrative, I know such joy emanates from within and peace comes from above. So good that we do not even have to know each others’ names to love one another. Because I still know I am small when I am near the oceans, and that one door opens when the other closes, I hope I can continue to dance in this stage of life.

Monday, September 18, 2006

my heart caught a flu when I was moved to tears

"Natasha, being a Libran is gentle, caring, smart, open minded and she is really sweet. She is also beautiful and makes a good teacher. We both found something in common - spirituality. We both met in 2004 at FOI2 and found that we share similar interests - religion and performance art. We enjoy collaborating and conversations regarding religion."

I opened my mail today and saw the mail Julie sent today. She blogged about her friends and her today. I'm so thrilled to find that I'm blogged by her. In fact, it makes me cheer up a bit.
Over two days, I received two really special emails.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

In God's eyes we are all the same

It’s true. Feelings need to be trusted, we all need to experience God’s love before anything.

So how can one experience God’s love?

Remove the barriers
We all have barriers to cross before we can even start to feel that God loves us. So many times, even as His child, I know I can don’t feel His love at times.

Self sufficiency
“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” James 4: 10
Don’t we all start this way? Knowing that we don’t need a crutch in life. Who really cares about having a religion when all it entails is commitment? We all can make it without God, that is really the general thought of many people, the truth is, we have yet to know that is another big part about to unfold when God comes into our lives. Few take up this challenge to try.

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” 1 John 1:8

God’s holiness is incompatible with our sins. Because we do not recognise that we need to accept Jesus’s death on the cross for our sins, we just remains cut off from God, and hence, receiving His love gets more difficult.

“See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God.” Hebrews 3:12
God must be approached by faith. True, we cannot see God, but sometimes, so what if there are things we can see? We still are much blinded. How many times we are betrayed by our own beliefs? But towards God, His hope never disappoints. God gives us a choice at the end of the day if we want to draw close to Him, there is never compulsion.

If we do not rid ourselves of such barriers, it will be difficult to open our hearts to receive that moment of tenderness from God, to know what it is to be loved in an everlasting way.

Remember the Cross
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

God, do you really care? Do you really understand? Don’t we all ask questions like that? No matter how many years being Christians, we still never will graduate from the Cross. We always look back the day God sent his Son to purchase our sins. The day we know that that, is the start of His embracing love.

Receive the Spirit
“And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Romans 5:5
No one enters into the kingdom by an argument. One needs to be touched by God to turn around and be with Him again. The reality of God must be felt, not learned.

Today, I earnestly prayed for somebody. For him to be able to experience God’s love once again. He has been very brave. I don’t want to cry.

so this is where you are now, thanks for remembering me in the deepest of the night.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

we all need our own space in this drama of life

“We all need our own space”, Julie told me last night.

Do we all need our own space? I guess so. I can’t help recall catching a glimpse of Julie’s face under the kaleidoscope light yesterday at the dance floor at ATTICA. I have to keep reminding myself she is already not so young. But she is really as gorgeous as I always call her. You know, I truly love her a lot. Not so much because she is a legacy in Singapore history, okay, art history, but because she is always so ready to love. No matter where and no matter when. She is as good as it gets.

I passed by Johnny’s place at 4:30 am and told myself I should get my hair permed the next day. As natural as it is, I straddled out of bed and had breakfast with Johnny at his place. Today is the longest conversation I ever had with him. And I only got to know he is 42 years old today. Maybe because I know he will never read this blog entry, that’s why I like to pen about him. Perhaps, he will never know more about me but I thank Daddy for this character in my life.

So, who is Johnny?

Johnny takes care of my hair since a year ago and always buys hair products for me. He doesn’t like to take money from me. He is like a big friend who cares for a part of me. He is also someone who messages me goodnight religiously everyday. Perhaps, I will never get to know who he really is. Forever an enigma but forever a friend.

Indeed, Daddy does send many interesting characters in my life to make me know that I am loved. And beyond doubt, I am loved.

Friday, September 15, 2006

..what a fairy tale to have somebody..

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Loving God above all

Oppression, Toil, Friendlessness
(Ecclesiastes 4)

1 Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun:I saw the tears of the oppressed and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressor and they have no comforter.
2 And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive.
3 But better than both is he who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun.
4 And I saw that all labor and all achievement spring from man's envy of his neighbor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
5 The fool folds his hands and ruins himself.
6 Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.
7 Again I saw something meaningless under the sun:
8 There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth."For whom am I toiling," he asked,"and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?"This too is meaningless— a miserable business!
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up.But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

PS: today while surfing the net for some info. I wittyly typed my own name "sophia natasha wei" in what a rich find =)

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

A memory must be created together

I have survived two nights of sleeping at 3am or so.

But I am very happy.

Will somebody share this happiness with me?

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

All we are saying, give peace a chance...

Wondering what this performance 11th Sept 2006 Give Peace a Chance : Redux was all about?

Yoko Ono and John Lennon promulgates PEACE by being on bed for days. It is the place of peace. Lee Wen and Kai Lam re-enacts this at SMU today.

It should be on Channelnewsasia tomorrow, then you can see Julie and I posing ^_^

5 years ago, on Sept 11, I remember I was doing an animation on the collapse of the twin towers. My, getting old.

And I have the same birthdate as John Lennon (Lee Wen too).

that's me sleeping ..

yes, 'he ping' is priceless

we are calling for peace

that's julie in her sleeping position

the 'john lennon'

that's andree weschler and i in our sleeping positions

11/09/06 Give peace a chance : redux

Monday, September 11, 2006

i can only be prettier

What I like about polka dots is that they are always evenly polka dotted no matter how random.

I swear there will never be a day like this anymore. To the best of intentions, having woken on the wrong side of the bed, and with all the burdens of work stressing into the brain, I dressed very slack today. Goodness, adverse effects soon came my way. Bumped into Charmaine out of the blue at NIE canteen, I must have thought I was invisible in my slack wear.

“hey, what happened to you? (She looks at her friend) This is Natasha, last time she’s not like that one, my ex colleague in TWSS, every day very chio, now you dress, back to primary school is it? ( haha..)

“Oh man, this is not the best time to see you, I’m so embarrassed, I just wanted to slack and don’t care….”

I never had thought my oversized pants, oversized t shirt, matched with my fav. Guess canvas, can bear such disastrous results. She is just the first of the next few in the day who asked ‘what happened to you?”

Alright, now I understand, that once you made a statement, that “hey, I’m the dressed- up pretty kind of girl”, you just cannot afford to be slack. A total disservice to yourself. And you won’t be able to get out of it.

The truth is, I just want to dress slack today. No purpose to dress up to NIE. .So I stopped. But well, it seems to mean to many people I’m losing a part of myself by that. And it just means perhaps, I am not myself today.

I am reverting back to who I used to be, not because of others, but myself. To my skirts and high heels.. I’m back !

Hamlet says to find true madness is to be nothing else but mad myself, I must have been mad today. For once I thought the world was my spectacle, I am a spectacle of aesthetic standards today, and so I hope.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Singapore Biennale: When is the next Star-Spangled Night?

Alright, a little about SB (Singapore Biennale). I gave a bit of time for SB today and I am so happy I did. I must say that I am very much impressed by many of the works and the trip to the Old Supreme Court (they call City Hall) is superb. It is the first time I stepped into the courtrooms.. and in that tense atmosphere, I smelled the breath of each and every of the artwork. I cannot help but think that the whole SB stands on something spiritual. “BELIEF” as the theme of the event. Something spiritual is reverberating. The sites for the artworks.. Old Supreme Court and Tanglin Camp, rather sinister, and I bet many prayers were made before the places are converted into galleries. I love Christian Lucas’s video too, it questions the watering down of art in Christian churches today.. I felt the adrenalin today as I moved in the spaces of the artworks today. . ok, mary, I am not an art worshipper just because I got all the ‘accessories” ( I didn’t ask for them), but yes and yes, I felt like a SB fanatic one moment, an SB groupie kind of. Oh well, the ‘pigeon hole’ mentality is still etched in the minds of the curators.. one room one artist. Hey.

SB: before I left.

SB: So this is the BELIEF BOARD, and I tagged it before I left.


Sb: we 'stole' a flower each from this huge sculpture.

SB: powerful video work.. Im so mesmerised.

SB: I like Brian Gothong Tan's video art but not the installation in entirety..

SB: I like this TOFU MANTRA

SB: This is Mohammed's work.. when you look into the mini room.

SB: Another one of my favourite works.

SB:I was honestly apprehensive with this work.. it scares me quite abit.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

SB: I will pay for this room to be MINE

SB: I like this painting.. it is rare to see paintings in SB

SB: I love donna's works..'sing, o barren child..."

I like this the best.. so sophisticated and sexy.. sorry guys, she is taken!!.. by a fortunate guy.

my sister.. the gorgeous bride.

This is my dear sister and her husband..a sweet couple .. I love them !! =)

mind whines

Life has turned a big deal around. It is only this week that I have finally attuned myself to it all. Studying, though provides me more time and freedom than ever, has offered a devoid of almost all human contact. I am a recluse entrapped by the bleak grey walls of an aging, humongous fortress. In this enslaved time, I am missing more people as the days sing down.

Sometimes, I really cannot imagine 4 more semesters ahead of me. I have chosen to live each moment precious by itself. The fact is, I think my time is worth so much more. This mechanical timetable slogging and churning out essays day after day just isn’t for me. There are people who can do so much better. I am not a writer, nor a singer. In the heart of all, I am still an artist. I cannot sit still during lectures or tutorials (now you know why I need to walk about, fidget a bit, shake a little, and sit cross -legged on the chair). A day cannot go by without voicing out my views, without pretty things, without visual movements before me, without music in the ears, without God in mind, and without somebody in the heart.

This is my only outlet to tell myself again. I have paled into the background of things around, wedged in a dry shore of malicious grades, pencil pushing, and paper jerking. With this lugubrious blanket that has loomed in the big sky above me, the shine of a star must still be bright.

Loving God, I want to go back home.

Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him."
John 14:23 NIV

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Tonight, I pray that somebody is with me.

The story of somebody

Somebody occupies the mind most of the day and hopefully the night, somebody comes alive each time you peep at the phone or an sms is sweet enough. Somebody makes you feel the closest to, and you love to run to somebody at dawn of day. Somebody is the vessel who holds your deepest thoughts, tears and laughters, somebody may be the one who teases you to sleep in the night, and somebody makes you extra warm when you are sound asleep. Somebody wakes you smiling in the morning, somebody gives you a bigger appetite than before and somebody will never make you feel lonely.

Monday, September 04, 2006

the world is kind of dizzy, I thought I could be happier

I am no more than ordinary
Please do not attempt to complicate me
My thoughts can be simple
And it can be understaood
Chagrined in every sense
to who and which
I do not know
I am no more than ordinary
Please do not bring me away
My love is never fading
And it can be appreciated
Upset in all hope
to when and where
I do not know
I am no more than ordinary
I am no more than ordinary

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Leadership training camp 2006