Sunday, December 31, 2006

2007 new year resolutions

Theme for the Year 2007: PEACE

Life verse for the Year 2007:"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men." Romans 14:17

life ought to be balanced upon a holy scale for a peace-loving me

~MORE of wisdom, patience and godliness in my relationship with somebody
~MORE of commitment and discipline in my service to cg and drama team
~MORE of dilligence and God's grace in my studies
~MORE of God's union and reconciliation in my family
~MORE of God's peace in my friendships and saved lives
~LESS of pride
~LESS of pleasures, selfish desires and ambitions
~LESS of insecurities, fears and anxieties
~LESS of illnesses and ailments

Friday, December 29, 2006

not so impressed

Just a few more days to 2007. I’m cracking my head, praying for a life-verse-of-the-year for 2007, as well as some concrete New Year resolutions to blow a kiss for the start of 2007. One word that keeps surfacing in the waterlogged brain is CLEANSING, that will mean purging egregious sins from the inside out. Picking your hill to die upon, will mean paying the spiritual price to keep connected with God for every decision of my life next year. Or else, it is going to be an expensive flop.

This was my verse for last year. "For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death."
Philippians 1:19-20

This year I have tasted the sweetness of God’s measure of restrained garce and I hope it is the same for many of the people I love and care. Back to cleansing, I hope that God’s persuasive voice will rise again in my innermost spirit and that as I wear the helmet of salvation and shield of faith, I will be able to combat the enemy’s flaming missiles every time.

Something for today:

“The lamp of the LORD searches the spirit of a man; it searches out his inmost being.” Proverbs 20:27

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Sunday, December 24, 2006

2000 Esther and I.. at Siloso Beach Sentosa.( sthg is wrong with the date on the pic)

AEP 2000 that is all ART CLUBBERS in the old njc art room

AEP 2000 (at suntec city sky garden)..jiesheng, shushan, esther, me, caroline, weibin, qiandi and tingting..

AEP 1999 in NJC (at botanic gardens with Mr Lim).. that was like 7 years ago..I dug these pictures out this Christmas Eve.. these were afterall, part of my history =)

Friday, December 22, 2006

some words about christmas

Christmas, is my favourite time of the year. When I was young, we used to hang socks at the window overnight and dad will act Santa and put some cash inside. I slowly realised the true meaning of Christmas when I got to know Jesus better. Last year, Christmas was a very joyous occasion for me. Though we were all busy with the Christmas drama, I found many friendships strengthened in the process. Last year, trish came to my place to make potato salad, this year Im doing it alone. I miss those sugar-laced days .. This year Christmas is very operational for me. I HARDLY feel much of this season, Christmas drama seems more watered down, many of my friends are not in Singapore, not in church and not anywhere near, its a lot of ‘doing’ since I got back from Jakarta, so much that I have fallen ill. The only things that can remind me of Christmas are the friends who are still around labouring alongside with me, Joanna’s gift from Taiwan, somebody’s ipod, the nativity story watched…love must still be around in the air… just a bit different this time.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

MSN Christmas 24th Dec 2006 Sunday: Come join us!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The Road in Winter

My name is ‘Wisdom born on the day of Christmas’

What are protracted roads less travelled
Winding roads less preferred
Raining upon the heart
Marred by soil and sand
This time the road in winter
Leads to the path of gold

To each road darkened lights
To each road dreams and sunlight
Snowing upon the body
Thickened by valour and might
This time the road in winter
Leads to the path of gold

Forsaking what slurs behind
O, roads narrate journeys trodden on
O, roads wide and countless
Emptiness in nightmares
Happens before Christmas
This time the road in winter
Leads to the path of gold

For even this road, to me
Is a vista of hope and knowledge
Less vanity, more wisdom
No more probing
In this winter’s bitter cold
This time the road in winter
Leads to the path of gold

My name is ‘Wisdom born on the day of Christmas’

24th Dec 2006, Sunday, Christmas Service : You are invited!

thoughts amidst the..

the best feeling when celebrating somebody's birthday is when you feel like you are celebrating your own
somebody wishes to spend the next birthday with me
no matter how busy one may be
God takes on the busyness and shields you perfectly
Christmas is coming
can you smell it?

161206 sister's wedding dinner

Saturday, December 16, 2006

secret thoughts today

遠く私はからの彼を見てことをわかる私が有するそのような感じを私が常に彼の損失を恐れているもっとことをことをなぜであるもっとI は彼を愛するか。

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

the end.

It is the end of that pleasurable eight days in Jakarta. Goodbye all sweet memories. Back to reality. That frustrating reality that kisses you violently the moment I step foot in the airport. Sorry to my friends, there is nothing to buy in Jakarta. Busy city life that is slow moving. Thanks to Kenji san who has made my stay a good one, for treating me so well and to Mr Houkuhara, for that wonderful dinner at The Angus House, Senayan City. Thanks to Julie and Stuart for putting me up and being so nice and hospitable. Thanks to Yoyoyo, Atieq and Heru who have invited me to perform at the nasional gallery, Jakarta. And all my friends in this trip. Thanks to somebody to his sms-es, and him missing me, and whose voice accompanies me everywhere I am in Jakarta. Thank God for everything that is beautiful in His precious name.

goodbye jakarta sky

Sunday, December 10, 2006

untouchable unthinkables V

steve called me last nite. had a gd chat with him, im very pleased that he has found his love. really unfortunate that i can't get to meet him when he is back in singapore this time.

called sister bertha when i was at the salon today.too bad that i can't go to palembang this time. missing her as much as she misses me.

tomorrow, i will have a day to myself in meridian jakarta sky.


IPAE last smashing

Saturday, December 09, 2006

081206 angie, me, da wu n julie

untouchable unthinkables IV

something will be beautiful if u allow it to be beautiful...Love will be beautiful if you want it to be beautiful....being in a team will oni be beautiful oni of you really want to be in one.....God's plan for you is something that you will feel strongly for....

081206 IPAE continues

Friday, December 08, 2006

untouchable unthinkables III

meditating on Psalms 41

1 Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the LORD delivers him in times of trouble.
2 The LORD will protect him and preserve his life; he will bless him in the land and not surrender him to the desire of his foes.
3 The LORD will sustain him on his sickbed and restore him from his bed of illness.
4 I said, "O LORD, have mercy on me; heal me, for I have sinned against you."
5 My enemies say of me in malice, "When will he die and his name perish?"
6 Whenever one comes to see me, he speaks falsely, while his heart gathers slander; then he goes out and spreads it abroad.
7 All my enemies whisper together against me; they imagine the worst for me, saying,
8 "A vile disease has beset him; he will never get up from the place where he lies."
9 Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me.
10 But you, O LORD, have mercy on me; raise me up, that I may repay them.
11 I know that you are pleased with me, for my enemy does not triumph over me.
12 In my integrity you uphold me and set me in your presence forever.

13 Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Amen and Amen.

071206 IPAE at the national gallery, jakarta

Thursday, December 07, 2006

IPAE 2006, Jakarta

IPAE Birds Migration 2006, Jakarta

untouchable unthinkables II

Performance art is not interesting anymore? It has become a migration of birds from one place to another as it originates from the West and now widely spread in the asia region. The new breath of life into performance art as an invitation to a dialogue, which relies on concept not on objects or skills, an expression of the self in the public space. When humans are creatures designed to communicate, is the artist and the work of the artist in performance art inseparable? Do we take on a new role when we perform or we do not? In the history of performance art, do we have an exact mapping of the time of the beginning of performance art or is it what we call a series of emergences that has no beginning or ending? How do we rebrand performance art and reposition it in this empirical approach to the quest of knowledge? Do we copy a form without synthesizing the information? Is communication through art borderless as it creates psychological space in the minds of the audience? Have we jumped the rails in our obsession of the body in performance art? Is the body the place for performance to take place? If so, where are the social realities surrounding it? I realize today that the communication between the performer and the audience is no longer defined as a direct or indirect communication? But it is an uncanny communication if the notion of the performer and their work are inseparable. It is an uncanny transaction when we transform into something unfamiliar during the performance (due to spontaneity and unpredictability) and use that unfamiliar form to interact with the audience to make them feel familiar to us. That transient form exists in this liminal space in between, and it transcends beyond material, time and space. This sentence popped up during the workshop “ is there only one God, one reality, one truth if our notion of time is linear?” I have been thinking about the integrity of a performer these few moments. The performance artists here in this event are peaceful people and I am glad to be here in partnership with them in this festival.

.. On the way to national gallery today, I thought about how much I love Indonesia. I still do. the people here have that indescribable genuinity that is unique to them alone. We have been spending time on the road in the traffic jams more than performance is tomorrow, this is my first performance out of Singapore.. gotta be good =)

selamat tidoor.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

doing my sis's wedding slideshow here

05/12/06 me and kenji san at marriott hotel, jakarta

05/12/06 at edwin's gallery, v cool sculptures

06/12/06 the swimming pool area

06/12/06 living area in stuart's plc

this is my room in stuart's place, staying with angie and julie in 11b, kemang berat, the european area in jakarta. high ceiling, really cool.

05/12/06 at the national gallery

untouchable unthinkables I

So it was like this:
Somebody asked if I like to listen to music in random or to be in control
Somebody wanted to go to expo to get his stuff
Somebody could not make up his mind
Somebody said he bought part of it
Somebody asked if I prefer form over function, or function over form
Somebody has something to give me for this trip

.. silly somebody gave me an ipod nano, recorded his voice in the nano to keep me company in Jakarta.. I was touched to tears. The love and sincerity in his voice keeps ringing in my ears.

Jakarta is a busy town. Full of traffic jams, and we ‘lost’ an hour upon reaching. Met my student from YI and his dad Suhaimi at the airport. He happens to know Jeremy too. They worked in the museum before. We were on the same plane so he helped us get our way to the national gallery by getting us a mini bus for six of us. That trip took us 180000 rupiahs. We waited a long deal of time at the gallery cos everything was screwed up kind of. Poor atieq, she must be really overtaxed with so many things to do as the organizer for IPAE and too little help around. I presume it is going to get more chaotic when more artists streamed in. we finally reached stuart’s plc in kemang berat and settled down. The bad thing this trip is that I forgot to bring my name cards and my wire to transfer pics onto the laptop!! =( but I will try to ask if I can get from Julie.

Day turns very dark at 6pm and we were so lazy to go to the exhibition opening back at the national gallery after our oxtail soup dinner that was really pedas. Anyway, we went back to the gallery (each trip to and fro takes about 50000 rupiahs and 1 hour) and I hung around for a while until kenji san came to pick me up. We went for dinner at Marriott hotel, chatted and he drove me back at around 12 plus. I was dog tired and headed straight to bed. The next few days are going to be packed with talking to people, attending workshops and performing. I wonder when the next time I will be online is. I wonder how the cg is doing. How everyone is. Jakarta is a nice place afterall, to live in, it is like.. so near yet so far. I learnt from my conversations with julie and angie last night that I really need to watch my back in whatever I do... somebody has reached phuket. Im sure his journey is going to be

05/12/06 tts me and alvin , as he sends me off to the airport =)

02/12/06 the three of us with the christmas tree

02/12/06 xinyi and i at the hk eatery in cineleisure

Sunday, December 03, 2006

2nd dec 2006 exclusively yours

honour your parents means to obey as best as i can. her lashings only made me realise that my crying was a reaction, my speaking up was a defence. she was only making one point, that is: not to go home so late and make her worry amidst the venom in her words that rend my heart apart. becoming a tearball on my way out was not the best form i could be.

finally reached the day we so planned for.we caught Flags of Our Fathers after pepper lunch at lido, got some time to shop for topman's shirts and joanna's present. met xinyi for dinner at this hongkong eating place at cineleisure. sounds like the usual hangout places on a sat? maybe for our students. we usually stay at home on sats.. but today it is all so different as we immerse in the overjammed orchard road and sparkling christmas glitters and lightings. the mind took off to a relaxed mode today, just to have somebody.

are heroes what we create because we need them?
is your hero at the cross of calvary?

011206 champagne night

Friday, December 01, 2006

holidays are ..heaven's little rewards

Hols , what exactly are hols? Does it mean staying up late to do nothing, hang around and chill till dawn breaks? or waking up late till you don’t even know what time you wake up? I had two days of ‘holidays’ after my last paper on 28th Nov. And I want to blog it cos it had been very meaningful. I met tricia on Wednesday at Holland V—Ya Kun Kaya Toast and had a good long chat with her. Been a long time since she left and we finally had the opportunity to talk about things face to face. I always remember her telling me that we are like on different journeys in life now since she has left brighton. And I just want to say that perhaps it is this fact that we are on different journeys that will bring us closer together more than before. Although every moment of spending time together feels like she is still right here with me in church and serving God in this brighton community. Her leaving made me grew so much independent and stronger to fight on and go on. Even if it means being alone. I guess it is true, sometimes, I do think about what will happen to the friendships I have in church now if I were to ever leave? Maybe james pang and I will not be buddies anymore, maybe my young adults would have forgotten about me.. may be..all it takes is to trust in God a little more, a little to forever. I have enjoyed my time with tricia and I pray that for her, though some friendships fail, some friendships remain, those friendships that remain will continue to stand the test of time. I want to continue to be a sweet blessing in your life my girl. I met seah at the later part of the day and though there was so much walking (that my legs really ache) while he did his retail therapy, I am glad we met up that day to let the dust fall. Thanks so much for the expensive crystal jade restaurant dinner and the gin tonic at Hilton. It was interesting to be observers of the scream bitch fight isn’t it ? I thank God for the courage to speak my mind about all that we had gone through. Like I have said, memories can only fade, memories cannot be replaced. All in all, you still have a place in my heart, a friend I do care for and pray against hope that you can share in my Father’s love too. As much as he loves you, he wants you to know Him that much too. To your every passion, every desire for love, I toast to you with my usual glass of white wine. cheers.

--- I probably didn’t sleep much cos I expend 5hours on the phone with somebody, as the day draws nearer to my leaving on the 5th, how I wish I could prolong this time. How I wish I don’t have to miss.. don’t have to be away for 7 long days –

The next day after jumping out of bed, I realise that the philippino artists—jeho they all, had not contacted me, that left me kind of free cos I was too reluctant to start packing. Thank my dear God for the chance to be at Holland V again with my twss beloved colleagues. So there were 11 of us – yanping, yanfang, shuwen, sumarni, hwee cheng, kaiming, alvin, kok hian, imran, gilbert, and I. We had lunch at coffee club – some pasta, and head to settlers’ café for a thrilling time of fun and games. The usual Taboo we played and Charoodles I think. We had a time laughing our heads off in the discovery of how talented many of us are. “mary and lily are good friends”, that’s amusing. kok hian and gilbert are hilariously comical. I seriously think that I had spent my time really wisely and fruitful.I miss being part of the twss team, I miss everyone of them, I really don’t know when will be the next time we can be together in such a setting but perhaps, the rift between us will be wider as well..

Had a meeting in the night with the episode5 people. Julie’s finally back and she opened that little door in my heart by being around. I’m glad she likes the heart-shaped blink blink key chain I had gotten for her. It was so ‘her’ that I could not resist the temptation to get it for her. Next year is going to open up a whole new world for her. I hope I can continue to encourage her as a friend no matter how adverse and tense things maybe. I love you Julie. Finally can spend more time with you already by going to Jakarta. Have a safe flight tomorrow. See you again soon my gorgeous.


trish got me this gift from hongkong. kinda innovative stuff. i love it!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

faith is..

Jesus Calms the Storm
That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

Mark 4:35-40

Remember what people used to say? In the world, few people make things happen, some people watch what happen, and most people wonder what happen. Remember how God wants a partnership with Adam in the Garden of Eden? That He instituted the Fall to test Man’s fidelity so that through reason, they could understand their disobedience? Faith is not about wishing for the moon, hoping for the rain, God wants us to step out in faith to be a victor and not a victim, the head and not the tail, above and not beneath. God wants us to be problem solvers. True faith comes from the ultimate security we have in our identity in God.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

sacrifice paid. no regrets.

Gotcha blog. Hah, end of exams, catching this hour I am left with to blog before I go busy again. Took the time to read my girlfriends’ blogs. One thing I promise I will do. Wa, life seems kinda colourful for so many of them. Summer, if you ever read this, I love the trailer u did on ur blog, can u teach me how to create some kind of animation of my blog too? I need some power zest in this static blog. And my dear yanping, ur d n d picture looks funny, I think ur ‘beginning teachers’ are like cramped in one corner.. hah, but the d n d sure seems interesting. I realise that I have so many ‘princesses’ in my life- there’s princess summer, princess charmaine, princess pengy, princess grace, princess… I read in a magazine yesterday that there’s a princess in every girl. Maybe that’s why, but I never feel this way before. Maybe I'm too 'man' already. Princess natie? Forget it. Can I be a prince for all of you? Ok, I am far below ur ‘indian’ prince, but I have long eyelashes, so can I be your ‘indian’ prince? Maybe not, I will be a fairy godmother watching over all of you, that sounds cool. Or some wretched stepsister.

Haiz, one semester down, four more to go. I wonder how much my energy can carry me. I realised after today’s paper, my English is really getting worse than before. My pract crit skills suck. In the middle of my writings, I felt like I have never learnt English before, I don’t know how many ‘good’ I used, cannot think of better vocabulary to use. Me an eng lit teacher? Forget it, that is mighty lofty for me. I must learn to mug, the problem with me is I never know how to mug. I have been too easy on myself already, that’s why.. like I said, sacrifice paid, no regrets. Holidays are finally here, time to readjust and unwind and head for Jakarta to rest this worn-out soul. Time to peek at the world again and stop hiding in this murky, gloomy place that makes people crazily anxious. Time to getaway.

Pack my luggage and Fly fly flew..this pitiable nat ah ger working for inefficient people with no work ethics. come on, find happiness in a sacrifice.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

can't wait for feb 2007 to come. No more medication. I'm sick of my dry lips. they look like bloody sausages plastiqued in pain. oh gosh.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

reality or dreams?-needs a touch

I have finished Gibson’s paper.the first lit exam I took in NIE. The first lit exam after 5 years. Danny was saying its like alevels before we went into the exam hall. At that point, I felt alevels was too far away for me to even recall. but I think I did enjoy my study of lit in jc, esp whitby’s paper-pract crit.(cos we dun have to study for it).lit to me has always been a subject, a study that I can dream. Dream and write. My organised daydreaming. A large part of who I am made to be. Yesterday, when I realised that my hand crouched in an awkward cramped position after writing for abt 1 and 1/2hr of the exam, I realise that time has won me over, I’m not that young for writing in an exam condition anymore. I wanted to give it up. But I pulled it through cos I know God wants me not to give up. I felt so depleted after the exams but somehow going to cg re-ignite sthg in me again. Though it is not like I could go home and bash the bed after the exams, I know God preferred me to do His things more than mine. There is always something good about walking in his ways. During worship, I felt sthg stirring. And I prayed very hard for that to go away. When I woke up this morning, I thought I had just woken up from a dream. I wasn’t even sure if I had finished Gibson’s paper or I even went to farmart at all. I remembered I had travelled far with the cold wind slapping on my knees, making me shudder so very often. I remembered the deserted roads and the eerie trees. It really felt as though I had just emerged from some kind of dream. Uncanny. Maybe it’s some kind of insomnia or dementia. I want to reward myself a bit after these exams, but I realise I’m busier after the exams end. It is really not like I can rest. When the demand of duty falls on you, you just cannot afford to rest or let your hair down. And that is kind of unpleasant to the soul, I guess. I’m thankful at least for now, that my prayers are answered, that fear has gone away. That larger fear needs to go too. It feels good when your student tells you she will pray for you, isn’t it? I’m very happy that they are growing in love with Christ. Chua msg-ed me last night to tell me good job for the game, but I really want to say that the game came in a split second when I was dreaming. Something is wrong, my dreams are transmogrifying into reality. Hope it doesn’t give me bad premonitions one day. Somebody I don’t want to lose.

Monday, November 20, 2006

unpack my heart with words

if i really love him, how can i hold his life less dear than a pin and allow the wind to blow roughly against his cheeks?

when somebody becomes this
when studying becomes this
continue to keep me company
nobody says it was easy

Sunday, November 19, 2006

What's so great about the church?

"Although I am less than the least of all God's people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things. His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms" Ephesians 3:8-10

The church has always been a mystery in God's words, and God's intent is for us to discover this hidden secret through our relationship with Him. So what is so great about church? Why do one needs to go to the church? Is it like what others say, the church exists in thou heart?

1.The Church is the Foundation of the Truth

In Paul's words, "if I am delayed, you will know how people ought to conduct themselves in God's household, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and foundation of the truth." 1 Timothy 3: 15

In this postmodern age, people go what truth that is not absolute. Truth becomes relative and they forgotten that in the over-sung innovation, technology and out-of-norm work, foundation of truth is paramount to achieving all of these. People flew out of proportion with what truth is, no measure of right and wrong, no measure of good and bad. People live by the day without realising the influence of the church in their land, when it is the cornerstone of truth itself. And when their so-called foundations are shaken, their instincts are to look for solutions and not the truth.

2. The Church is the Solutions for our Problems

"...Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." Ephesians 5:25

In our town, people will think that solutions for the ever-increasing cases of suicide, divorce and abuse cases point to more channels for educating the people and the urge for the government to execute more measures for her people. But such mantras are superficial and do not solve the crux of the problem. The church of Jesus Christ has been ordained to solve the problem of the hearts of the people, as people embrace and live by the truth.

3. The Church is for the Salvation for the Lost

"..on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it." Matthew 16:18

As children of Christ, we need to have a far higher view of what the church is about. That the church is meant to display His manifold wisdoms, it is a coummunity of sinners (imperfect people) gathered to work together in the respect of each one doing his role. The role of this one sinner -- the pastor, is to keep these sinners attentive to God.

Therefore, everyone can build the church by 4 ways:
1) coming
"some part of the church will be in darkness in your absence, as every individual brings in a lamp of light by coming to church"
2) giving
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.Butstore up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." Matthew 16:19-20
3) serving
"From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work." Ephesians 4:16
4) evangelising
Go preach the good news and harvest for His name. In Paul's labour for the church, "Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church." Colossians 1: 24

Which area tugs at your heartstrings today? As God spoken into the depths of your inner being, and beckoning you into His inner sanctuary today? As I sit through the sermon today, I reflected that I have not been doing enough for this church I call my home. And I will...

Hasn't God taught us to give careful thoughts to our ways? Have you been too busy building your home and left the church in ruins before your eyes?Hasn't He said that He will be with you and do not fear? for fear is the most accursed of all base passions? (Read Haggai today for You are called to BUILD THE HOUSE OF THE LORD)

life like the jewel box

Love has a time when it begins
experience tells me
time also diminishes the passion of it
within the very flame of love
there lives a kind of wick or snuff
that extinguishes it
nothing stays always at the same level of goodness
it gathers like an inflammation
then dies of its own excess

a bottle of white wine
a club sandwich
chicken wings
snugged up the cushion seat
high up at Altivo
surveying the land of Singapore
a wet misty night
a wonderful somebody
praising the excellence of His name
no paintings of sorrow
an embrace of loving spirit
therein lies the cries of fate

Friday, November 17, 2006

Animation Nation 2006

Animation Nation 2006

Highly Recommended shows:

PAPRIKA : In the near future, a revolutionary psychotherapy called PT is invented. Acting as a 'dream detective', it enters people's dreams and explores their unconscious thoughts through a device called DC Mini. Directed by Koh Satoshi, the man behind the cult anime Perfect Blue. Nov 21, 7:15pm
Nov 22, 9:15pm
The Cathay Orchard Cineplex

RENAISSANCE: Paris in 2054 is an Orwellian nation, cut off from the rest of the world, where everyone is watched and monitored. Casting a shadow over the city is the large company known as Avalon, which primarily exports eternal youth abd beauty.
Nov 16, 9:15pm
Nov 20, 9:15pm
The Cathay Orchard Cineplex

Animation nation website:

If you go to this website:

This is what you will find:
"Animation Nation tickets now on sale. "Paprika" & "Renaissance" tickets have hit Internet sales quota, but good seats are still available from the box office at Orchard Cineleisure. A gentle reminder that SFS Complimentary Coupons are NOT eligible to exchange for tickets at this Festival."

For those who are free, please go to catch these animation films that have hit town!
I wish I can go! I wish I can get the tickets! All the best to you out there!

breeze the night out ..

thank God for tonight, in the midst of my entangling with vicarious emotions. i took a trip out to ice cold beer, a place i haven't enjoyed myself for some time due to the ever-increaing noise level. thank you somebody for taking the time to breeze me there, im happy enough for that quarter hour. thanks edwin for your generous company, for putting up with all my nonsense, my sudden calls to you once in a blue moon crying, i always have to shock you out of bed! ger got to do it all the time rite? thanks for the deep fried chicken wings, the chips, and the four-cheese pizza, it must be a feast we gluttons indulge in. you must be wondering when i have started to be such a good drinker. thanks for the 1 asahi, 1 boddington, and 1 hoegarden. so good to rake up the past and to know more about your present, esp when you have someone in your life now. our memories over the years are almost timeless isnt it? the times when i was upset over the stupid d nd, the times we rode out on your WR scrambler to west coast park to grab a banana, to bt timah, the times we sat in your fren's integra, the times we love kilkenny, the time we caught a movie at westmall ( still cannot recall which movie) i have enjoyed myself just being honest tonight. while we were wondering why we never make it together over the years, i guess in God's eyes, I choose to believe, we are really meant to be true good friends. at least, for me, i know you are one i can run to when i feel things start to crumble down. you are a true good friend who really loves me as a ger. thank you. may all God's blessings fall on you everyday. still thank you for listing me as one of your frens whom you miss in your blog. I want the best for you too. gambate edwin my dear dear friend.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

will i see you there?

this is a lousy week. things i have planned in my heart to do, i didnt get to do them. i want to eat at pasta mania, i want to drink a cuppa at coffee club, i want to rant, i do want to cry. staying home the entire day is a dull reclusive feeling especially when the jitters and anxieties of the pending exams keep boiling. and the life of a reader and a writer is solitary; really lonely. i am drained of talking to myself. i am entrenched in my nonsensical fixated thoughts. my writings become an expression of my vexation with my own frustrations. war declares itself in the hibernating mood of the super ego and id. i feel that one tip off the shore i will land in the myriad sea of craziness, my feet keep getting hooked onto shackles. jesus becomes my ever closest friend in this season. he is my big soulmate. in the void of day, i feel that the world has left me kind of far. my friendships become virtual, my love is gone, i am eager-eyed towards dusk. no, i'm breathing dust. is this all what exams is all about?

where is the fresh air?

Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. -- Psalm 119:18

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

the phantom of the soul

If we posit that the soul is immortal, it then means that it has a past, present, future and beyond-future. For now, we will be unable to visually the future and the beyond-future. That is a fact. If history is in present tense, then that is what others claim that your history makes up the present "you", so one of the clunkiest things that you cannot erase is your history. Even when it is buried, it doesn't cleanse you. And when your history hurts the “you” now, then the only recourse is not to be blissfully unaware, but to let go. How do you let go then? One analogy: as I pour hot water into a cup you are holding on to, till it overflows and scalds your hand, the natural response is that you will drop the cup. We will let go only when we experience pain. Fears come not only when hurt arrives, but fears arrive when there is a need to venture into the unknown. And when that happens, it simply means that because you have anticipated pain in that unknown, that makes you fearful. This then explains the lack of courage for what you have yet to know. This entire fantasy towards a reality can then be morbid and distorted, since there is no one way to clarify why. Not only does your history mould you to who you are today, it is also a baggage that you have to carry, for good or for bad. Sometimes, others’ history naturally tugs at your heartstrings no matter how you choose to live in self-denial. It is like someone’s history knocking on the doors of your soul, egging you on to a new level of belief. That becomes uncanny when you cannot trace the connection between that and yourself. It is inscrutably random and stifles all possible senses. Do we ever brush ourselves with the souls of others when we are breathing? Or do we already have a past that is intertwined long before we are born? When two souls become too intimate, ultimately, it makes you feel for the least, out-of-place in who you think you actually are. It can turn you irrational and blot out all logical reasoning with all might. That disparity that causes your false sensing towards your soul catalogues you into a deeper responsibility towards the subsistence of your soul. You become marginalised from your own being. If the soul really does have a past, can its relationship with its past be described in frilly remnants, since these will soon fade away in the memory bank of the mind? Or can its relationship with its future and beyond-future be explained in a solid bridge that has faith as its foundation? How true to say that we can be so preoccupied with living the present that we do not prepare for our future and the beyond-future? Are we all just empty vessels collecting new knowledge each day till they subside to nothingness when death arrives or when the journey to heaven begins? Or in another perspective, will then the phantom of the soul come to life when that time comes? Can that time ever be defined? This pall of gloom, like a knothole of a tree, compels our dour acceptance of our existence on earth. But is it ever enough?

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

jesus walked over open graves, I chose wine over water

Okay, it is oxymoronic to be a grumbling christian
you be the judge for now
i have been working hard for inefficient people
one thing to do when you are really busy with things you do not really enjoy
look like this (see above)
if you are thinking of buying a mascara
do not buy maybelline unstoppable
it is unstoppably bad (tried and tested)
if i can be doing otherwise
i will start to read "The Red Chamber" aka "Hong Lou Meng"
(that is a snowball's chance in hell, so maybe not)
sometimes you just get a little crappy
and i will remind you
to question my sanity
i dun need luck please
thanks for them anyway
grace is spelt
"G.R. A.C.E"
i met a little girl and boy one day
they were jogging
the little girl asked the little boy
"is your heart still beating?"

Monday, November 13, 2006

111106 candid shots

the LORD of all, or not at all

"One evening I invited Jesus Christ into my heart. What an entrance He made! It was not a spectacular, emotional thing, but very real. It was at the very center of my life. He came into the darkness of my heart and turned on the light. He built a fire in the cold hearth and banished the chill. He started music where there had been stillness, and He filled the emptiness with His own loving, wonderful fellowship. I have never regretted opening the door to Christ and I never will - not into eternity!"

a good read:

Sunday, November 12, 2006

111106 that is how far I can get to take this picture at York Hotel

111106 Alvin and I (like to credit Weiyang for this pic)