"I have a God. I navigate between dichotomies in this relationship with him. Sometimes I forget about him, sometimes I need him more than anything. Most of the time, I put him at limbo. Between my actions and my faith, it appears visibly to be so at odds. Excuses are predominantly around. I try to denonce everything by claiming that it is the heart that matters when I already have a corrupted heart and mind in so doing. I am moving beyond consciousness. Pride comes when in arguments and debates, I like to make him my defense and for personal glory, I want to label myself with this God. I always think I want to remember how much goodness and faithfulness he has given, and I always forget to remember. I take his forgiveness for free and try hard to push him away, pretending he is not around. I feel angry at the people he has created and wonder hard why he is always so cold to the disorders of the falling world. I am yet thankful to find his warm grace in the lives of many I have stumbled across. I want to be asleep with his words in the night, but I lose control and let fantasies replace them. I think I want to meditate on his words, but the techno bully tempts me more. And so I give in. I keep saying I am not perfect to justify things. It is irrational. And then again, I am so imperfect."