Wednesday, April 29, 2009
utter me nothing
What is a game that people play over and over again, never getting tired of? THE LOVE GAME, it is a big game to play and not just the typical boy-loves-girl one. Love inevitably comes with passion, and passion motivates how love can be found and lost. I have found love in the dubious nobility of teaching, at least that is where my myopic vision has taken me so far. A teacher, mediocre, good or great, gets by everyday but it is the dose of satisfaction that one cradles back to our reclusive souls. Satisfaction -- that could be rudely defined by the awe of students towards you, the kindness they give out of their ingratitude (at times) and the ego massager of discipline and punish. I have long concluded that this place is a panopticon, and puts you in a surveillance mood by the invisible eyes. This cauldron of feelings consumes me daily. Of late, I have lost love in myself. Lost a love for what used to be loved. Emptiness sullied me. Am I awaiting yet another breakthrough? Or is it just stale knowledge that I am operating on? Have I been slovenly meeting with each day? Or am I too impudent to see where the problem is? I must have been channeling energy into nothingness.