The perfect mould of imperfection

Have you ever been busy thinking through others’ problems and realize that you are actually busy with your own hole of business? The week is coming to an end, and I am still fighting with the same old thing because it has yet to be resolved. So much that I wish I could just erase it off my memory and convince myself that it is just a bad nightmarish dream. So much that I wish I can photo-shop truth, when the scales of justice are perpetually shaky and not falling into my embrace. I realize that I have been disabled from what I am actually created to be able about, like a twig snapping into two. There are many voices that are talking into me, and I know that what is happening is lesser than a speck in the whole span of eternity. And I know that slowly, I am giving it up, not because I am persuaded into saying that I have lost, but that I know that if I were to keep on fighting, this moral poison will just be rust onto my sword of righteousness, and I can no longer be a lethal weapon anymore. Angers, disappointments are just part of this canvas, and I need to paint them white all over right now. Stop and start again. Why am I so foolish to make myself think and re-think it through umpteen times, as though I am preparing for a grand speech the next day when it is simply a miniscule glitch of life? Simply, this is the emptiness of lies that is corroding my soul. When I look at somebody, I know that we are still very much alone in our spheres of existence. Being in different phases of life makes me so much inferior, he seems to be on the right path of thoughts and behavior while I am just wallowing in my own liters of tears and a crying heart. How many times must I tell myself each day that “this is not the time”? My voice just repetitively hits the ceiling and bounces back. I am anxious about being in the right state of matters, just to avert the pain of the present. But I know there are still milestones ahead, barriers to climb, walls to tumble. Will I be more than a conqueror then? Will I have an unstoppable force and unshakeable faith in me? So that come what may, I will still run for God? I can. I know I can. I believe I can. I can because I had done it before. So why am I still so caught up in this bed of cringes, fears and troubles? Envy is not the solution, living it out is the reality of faith.