yesterday

yesterday was a day i will never wish to remember again. i was chased out of the house, for the first time. for the first time, my heart was broken to its limits, pain that stretches beyond redemption. now i understood what it feels like, what it exactly is, to be heartbroken, brokenhearted not by any lover, not by any close buddies, but by your family, the ones you thought so you will want to give your life, your time and all of your possible love to. the ones you thought so were the most important people in your life. i realise that although i have loved and given to them with all that i can give and have, they will never be satisified. they will never be happy, never be thankful. because, they don't know what is love all about and are blinded. but still, i have a faith, even though much diminished now, that they will know it all if they have experienced Christ in their lives. they will know what is the grace of God, what is love and what is forgiveness. persecution is not the best word to describe what had happened, rather it is truth in its entirety, in its honesty, in its most forceful, pushing its weight upon the fragile heart, they don't love me. there i was crying to my invisible buckets, and hands wrung in tears, at my void deck, squatting, crying, and the cycle continues. i didnt know that this could ever in my bizarre mind, happen. but i know, i am not going anywhere. i am not going to move out and leave this house forever, no matter how much i was seething with anger for that treatment i had gotten. i am not going to give up, i am here to stay, no matter how struggling, how painful it is, not matter how rejected and set apart i am. now i know for sure, what it means by rejection. Christ was depised and rejected, although he gave all and beyond all he could to his people. people didnt reciprocate his love, not even a tint of appreciation, denied and cruxified him on the cross. and yet he purchased their sins still, at the Calvary, out of a love that is unconditional and consuming. i want to be like Jesus. i want to be strong, to love the unlovable, to show everlasting grace that flows from the heart. i am not going to cry anymore. i will love them still. i will go on this journey, albeit physically alone.