tell the world Jesus lives

I just came back from school and am in tears. There is a lot of work to be done in this new term and I think I am not measuring up to them. I love to write. It is like having a conversation with God whenever I write. I can pour out anything and not be ashamed too. This year has begun with not any concrete resolutions. In fact, tomorrow's exhibition at Utterly Art is a fulfillment of last year’s resolution. How amusing. Sometimes, I am just so tired of being good. Being a Christian can be pretty tough at times, especially when I don’t want to forgive and don’t want to be nice.. but eventually I will relent when I think of the Cross. The Cross weighs down heavy on me, shaping me daily but there is just the fleshly me to be upset, angry and bitter with some people. ..I have big plans for my life, just don’t know when I can put them into order, into practical actions. I feel like I am slowly walking into a dense fog, almost losing direction, dropping the compass of life right now. On the other hand, there is a bright blinding light that is beckoning to its side and I am still wondering if I am going to step foot towards there. I am physically unwell, have been coughing since the busy crunching Christmas.. and school has started, everything else has activated for me. And God is hard-wiring into the fiber of my being.. some things.. almost indescribable. I need to pray more, to seek more of Him, to magnify the radiance of His splendor and to demonstrate His love. Though there will be Peace, there are upsets, pain, difficulties, and even darkness in this process, but I want to be sure that I want to go through this spiritual transformation. I want to be assured in Him alone. I want to remove all the imaginations I have towards how Man perceives me. I must have been thinking and feeling too much, that is why I am having so much of fatigue. I just want to cruise through this short life, that is transient as a shadow.. with Him alone. Won’t you come into me once again, Holy Spirit? Stop my restless seeking, those motions without directions, actions without reason…