Just when I was about to close down my blog, I have a million things to say.
I have turned into an evil teacher who screams at my students every day. I saw myself raising my voice more than ever before. And slamming my lap top and hitting the duster in front of the class. I stutter when I raise my voice, but more importantly, I want to raise my soul above all these crevices of life, even if it is in the vale of tears. It is ugly. I hate it too much. I go back daily in repentance and with an ache of the heart. Things are picking up speed and are irreversible. A million things to accomplish, but I want to do them for the fear of the Lord and not Man. Can I even keep my sanity? I am not too sure. People walk long journeys for petty rewards, but not even a step for eternal rewards, how incomprehensible is this? Isn’t it easy just to talk and give instructions on your ever fantastic ideas? And forget that talk is cheap? Each time you gaze down; remember your subordinates are the suffering ones. I wish to tell you I desire to work for you with a servant’s heart and living life in a conduct of esteeming others better than myself. Consider. But I cannot shred this pride, when I think I m just picking up from where you all have left and trying my best to rectify all the wrongs that have been committed. Don’t you realize that it is going to take its toll on me? Just take a look at my eyebags, you will understand what has been going on these few days. I ask myself, did Jesus die for all of these brilliant projects I have been tasked to? I don’t think so, and I cannot agree. I do not want to miss the point of teaching, it is my answer to God’s calling, but everyone else fails. Everyone else misses the point. Ideas have consequences; it is more than an emotional excitement at that spur of the moment. And I am the hearer, but remember, I only hear God’s words beneath your every instruction. I am sorry my darlings, I do not wish to shout at you all. It was all done in poor desperation and helplessness. God, please continue to help me in my teaching and it is all about your love. I realize that CME lessons are the finest lessons to teach and guide the young about the purpose of living, and no way will I want to shout at you in that precious time. I am so thankful I managed to play ‘Home’ to you all in class without any ignominy or guilt or fear. My Home is in my Lord. His abundant and pure Home for me each day. As I meditate on His Word each day, oh my, it just opens up that vast expanse of wisdom that pours forth His love. Yes indeed each generation will commend your might and your great works. I will breeze through the dark valleys of death with you in my life. Working is dryly mechanical, but you are molding my work into something soft as fur, light as feather with your gentle loving hand each day. I love you and I know I am here to stay in you.
Goodnight my Lord, my one and only. I am your daughter, ever thinking about you, your words and you..I want to be stronger in spirit and not weak. , In your foundation of greatness, embellish my soul with your gracious power today, one more time.
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