Thursday, September 07, 2006

mind whines

Life has turned a big deal around. It is only this week that I have finally attuned myself to it all. Studying, though provides me more time and freedom than ever, has offered a devoid of almost all human contact. I am a recluse entrapped by the bleak grey walls of an aging, humongous fortress. In this enslaved time, I am missing more people as the days sing down.

Sometimes, I really cannot imagine 4 more semesters ahead of me. I have chosen to live each moment precious by itself. The fact is, I think my time is worth so much more. This mechanical timetable slogging and churning out essays day after day just isn’t for me. There are people who can do so much better. I am not a writer, nor a singer. In the heart of all, I am still an artist. I cannot sit still during lectures or tutorials (now you know why I need to walk about, fidget a bit, shake a little, and sit cross -legged on the chair). A day cannot go by without voicing out my views, without pretty things, without visual movements before me, without music in the ears, without God in mind, and without somebody in the heart.

This is my only outlet to tell myself again. I have paled into the background of things around, wedged in a dry shore of malicious grades, pencil pushing, and paper jerking. With this lugubrious blanket that has loomed in the big sky above me, the shine of a star must still be bright.

Loving God, I want to go back home.

Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him."
John 14:23 NIV

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